Our Shot (LAMS school au)

Chapter 39: Alex's Truth

(A/N: 🔥😍👀🙏🏼 ^^^)

Alex's POV (Still in the Library, a few min. later)

I heard shuffling behind me. Afraid it was Jefferson again, I spun around, but it was only John. I had startled him. "Anything happen?" He asked nervously, taking his old seat across from me.

I shrugged. "He never came over here," I lied, managing a smile my boyfriend's way, "You were all nervous for nothing."

John smiled subtly, and nodded.

Do it now, I ordered myself, it's like ripping off a bandage, and  you can't let Jefferson, his ex boyfriend, tell him that him what his own boyfriend did.

"John," I began, looking up at him.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah," he asked innocently, and then, reading my expression, "Is something wrong?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I'm breaking up with you.

"Alex," John began again, "You can tell me anything."

That was it. I couldn't do it. "I-I know," I managed, "You know what, it's not important."

John looked unsure, but decided to go back to his work, which I was grateful for. I watched him, desperately thinking. I couldn't break up with him, and while I thought I didn't want to hurt him, I realized that my motives might have been more selfish than I realized. I didn't want my friends to think of me as someone who cheated, but if I broke up with John, I would only be lying to him again, and myself. I was many things, a cheat possibly, but I wasn't a liar.

"John," I began again, but this time I couldn't find the courage to look him in the eye, "I need to tell you something, and... it's okay if you get mad."

John raised an eyebrow. "Why would I get mad?" He asked dubiously, and I sighed silently, wringing my hands together.

"I-I," I began, closing my eyes tightly, "I was with Maria, all those times I was gone; I was with her."

John stared at me, blankly, and I continued. "Her boyfriend was abusing her," I attempted to do my best to explain, "She was crying when I found her, a-and I was just gonna take her home, but she told me to stay with her and... I couldn't say no. I didn't say no."

John continued to stare at me, his mouth fallen open slightly, and I watched him in silence, letting him speak. "You," he began slowly, "Y-you cheated on me."

"I'm so sorry!" I quickly, and reached across the table to grab his hand; to my surprise, he didn't pull away, "I didn't mean to!"

"You didn't... mean to," John said, sounding out each word painfully.

He stood up slowly, looking off over the library. "I'm sorry, John!" I blurted out, although tried to keep my voice down as to not attract attention.

John brought his hand up to his mouth, perhaps in an attempt to silence himself, and he shut his eyes tightly. I realized he was crying when he began to shake gently. "John," I began softly, and reached out to him.

He took a step away, and I watched him wipe his eyes briefly before he looked back at me. "I know you're angry," I began softly.

"I'm not angry," he muttered, but I could tell he was struggling, "But... how could you?"

I couldn't think of an answer in time. "John, please John, please understand," I repeated, "I thought I needed her because she was willing to do what you wouldn't, but all-"

"You," he interrupted me, "You cheated on me because I wouldn't have sex with you?"

"No!" I exclaimed, but realized in the end I was lying again; "I made a mistake!"

"Yeah, you did," John ran a hand over his face, and turned away.

"John," I began, and he began packing up his things.

"I think I should... leave," he said, hiking his backpack over his shoulder, "I'll see you later. I won't tell Laf and Herc what you did."

I ignored his comment, although later I would be grateful for that. "Can we talk about this?" I began, voice cracking, "Just please don't tell me we're breaking up, John."

John stared back at me, his reddened eyes looking over me emotionlessly. "I need time," he said quietly, turning away again to leave.

"John!" I called out again, but it was too late; he was leaving.

After watching him leave, I tasted salt briefly, and brought my hand up to my face to find that there was wetness under my eye. I was crying. I lightly brushed it off my face, and examined the drop that came from it on the top of my finger. I couldn't remember the last time I cried.