Bad Romance(Book1)

Chapter 22-Home

"Do you feel suffocated in this relationship? Or pressured in any way? A lot of women and men in your situation often see the partner's success as a step back for them."

"I never felt suffocated. And most definitely I didn't feel threatened. I think that's the word you're looking for. I felt like I didn't fit it. I just felt pressured, yes, because hey, look at Jared and then look at me."

"I don't see anything wrong with you Anka. It's all in your head. We all have different concepts of beauty. And if you got Jared's attention well, it was for a reason. I think that you overthink things. And that you should be more willing to accept challenges. Always keep an open mind Anka."

"I'm afraid that if he ever decides to have a family, I won't be able to give him that...", I replied softly.

"Is there a medical reason for that?"

"There is..."

"My opinion is to keep an open mind. You have to take each step at a time. Don't plan ahead. Just live in the moment."

The session kept on going like this for another hour. I left with a bittersweet taste in my mouth, which was shortly replaced with happiness when Ella delivered the news that Jared will come tonight.

"You will get through this Anka.", she said softly.

"I'm so stupid you know. I acted childish and stupid. I put myself over Jared and look where that got me to. I nearly killed myself..."

"Hey, we all did our massive fuck ups."

"So what's your biggest fuck up Ella? You don't look like you have made that many fuck ups in life.", I asked.

Ella took a seat onto the bed and she started her story. How she became an actress, how she got married to the wrong man for all the wrong reasons. Everything.

"And where did you fuck up?", I asked.

"Me? For the last three years I used to combine pills and alcohol. What do you think of that? I had the choice to divorce and I didn't take it. And I paid the biggest price that I had to pay. What do you say to that? You were right in Tokyo. I was high as a kite.", she giggled.

"I say, damn you're a woman who managed to keep her shit together. How did you do that?"

"I didn't. What was the point in keeping my shit together if well, I couldn't..."

"Did you ever consider going back to acting?"

"I have given it a few thoughts, but I couldn't. I got used to my job and I like working with Jared. Plus I have the perk of spending time with Shannon too."

"So, you two are like a couple?"

"We have been for the last three months."

"And how do you cope with everything? The fame?"

"I just ignore it. But being from a young age in front of the spotlight, well it just gets you though at one point. You don't really care about photographers anymore. You don't really care at all about anything."

"Ella, I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask me anything."

"It's Jay's birthday in a couple of days and I want to surprise him. What do you think I could do? To surprise the man that has it all. I want to redeem myself after what I put him through...",I asked looking straight into Ella's eyes.

"Hmmm...I think the best gift was to see you wake up. And to see you well. That's it."

"Apart from that..."