Revolutions

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Face it head on, Or Hide My Head in My Hands....

Lunch time and I was lying on the bed still feeling like shit from the image I couldn't get out of my head. John knocked, then, with no answer, went away.

A short time later Paul and Linda stood on the verandah talking to someone quietly. I looked toward the door as they spoke then a bloody great crash occurred behind me, someone had shimmied through the window and fallen on my bed.

"Hey, just popped in to say Hi.... Hi!"

"Get off my bed and get out John I don't feel like talking to YOU today, go on, get out!"

"No" John rolled on his back and put his hands behind his head, making himself nice and comfortable.

"Well if you're not going, I will" I stomped over to the door and yanked it open only to find Paul and Linda in the doorway blocking my escape.

"Talk to him, listen to him Samantha" Paul smiled and pulled the door closed.

"Oh so all the little Beatles are ganging up together, wow when you have a reunion do all the bad habits come tumbling out again or what" I was pushing at Paul with all my might but he wouldn't budge, looking at Linda I thought I would get help.

"Sam just talk to him- five minutes, hun" Linda smiled sweetly and turned me around in the doorway to face John. Paul leaned in, grabbed the door and pulled it shut.

"Well, you're stuck with me now" John was still there, calm as can be, lying on the bed.

"No John, I'm not stuck with you now. I can walk out. Thanks to you I have a bit of self-belief but no thanks to you for making me think more of you than that of a rich benefactor helping the needy"

"You really need to stop with that line, Magic"

"OK John. I'll ignore it then" I'm a hopeless fighter, I run, I hide or I usually bury my head in the sand "I don't need, or indeed want, to get involved with a two timing, has been, popstar who thinks he can bed any female who crosses his path"

"Ouch" Paul winced the word out from outside the door.

"What he said" John pointed at the door, still his sarcastic droll self "Come on now, a bit more venom would be nice to see"

"Why do you want me to be so angry I become blind with rage?"

"Because" John sighed, breathing in and out noisily "It will show you, and me, that you can stand up for yourself, that you're not that fool anymore" John swung his legs off the bed and sat looking at me, contemplating what to say... "What is the point if you are going to let me walk over you too?"

"So, I was a fool, thanks for the newsflash" I banged on the door, Paul's ear must have been pressed against it as he went 'ow' "I don't want to fight with you. What if, what if...." My real fears bubbled just below the surface.

"I hit you........"

"YES!" A single tear escaped, rolling down my face, I swiped it away angrily.

"Paul and, no doubt, Linda are the other side of the door. I'm not going to do anything"

"They won't always be there, no one will. Perhaps it will be better that I stay on the farm when I go back there. Never get mixed up with men again"

"If that's what you want" John said it so quietly "Is that what you really want Sam?"

"NO, I want you to be faithful, to not look at other girls to, to......"

I swung round and faced the door again, banging it good and hard in Paul's ear again 'ow, If I can't hear tomorrow...' was yelled at me through the timber.

I pulled my hair, angry at myself for not ever being able to say what I want to say, tongue tied and mute.

I stormed over to John quickly, he flinched a bit as I reached out my hand to his face, then, realising I was just going to touch him, he looked at me with those soft brown eyes that make me feel so safe and secure, that give me hope... "Don't look at me! I can't be angry at you if you look at me with those damn knowing eyes of yours Lennon" John smirked and glanced down again.

"What did... what does she have that I don't?" I whispered, staring at him sadly.

"Firstly, NOTHING happened Magic. SHE kissed me, what you saw, that was all her kissing me, she wanted more though, but I have my eye on another girl"

"Nothing? You were so close, your phone number?"

"An autograph for a flirty kid, nothing else. NO one else, Sam. I haven't looked anywhere but your way since you blew some of that damn magic on Sean's grazed knee. You know you may think I saved YOU but really I was a hermit til then. Never went out, even into the Dakota park, scared of loud noise, the fans.... life, I was. YOU brought me back to life too Sammy" John stood and walked towards me, I backed away toward the door, a reflex action, then I remembered and stood my ground "Good girl"

"I'm not a girl"

"No you definitely are not. you're a beautiful, smart, funny, sassy woman. A wonderful mother, a good friend, great nanny goat. "Ouch! Now who is hitting who!"

"Sorry, you were saying?"

"Oh like the sweet words now, do we. A good cook, amazing kisser" John cupped my chin "Your turn miss, is there anything that should be said that hasn't been said..?"

"I have only kissed you a little"

"Well maybe that's the problem, hmmmm"

"Shut up Lennon"

I kissed him, more determined to claim him than ever before, to tell him I wanted him now, forever "John I love you, I really do, I'm sorry to doubt you, I'm sorry to-...." John kissed me hungrily, pulling me back with him toward the bed.

"Thank Christ! Can I go now?" Paul yelled through the door and we both yelled back in unison "YES" and collapsed laughing on the mattress. My back on the sheets, his nose millimetres from mine.

"I love you too darlin" He kissed me again and held himself up, leaning over me.

I traced his lips and eyebrows with my fingers "Is it too soon for all this?"

"Life can be over in a blink, December taught me that. I was that close to seeing me Ma, Stu, Brian, Paul's Ma and..  I did want to see them but whatever it was.. something, held me in life- Sean, Julian, maybe even someone knew I was going to have a little magic in my life"

He grinned as I smiled up at him

"Stu? I know Brian was your manager right?"

"Yea....Stuart was me mate, put him in the band to keep him around when we went to Hamburg. That's where we met Astrid and Klaus, Astrid took all those early photos of us, the first album the shadow one that based on her idea" John played with my hair as he thought about his mate "Stu and Astrid turned into the love story of the century but he got sick and passed away before he was....." John went quiet, thinking of his lost mate.

"He was lucky to have such love in his life, some search forever and never find it" I hugged John tight in sympathy for his lost friends, his mum. He kissed me hard and laid back down on the bed.

"I thought maybe.... I was too slow for you John, we haven't.......... you know."

"I was happy. Just knowing you were in the apartment, here with me now. When the times right we will make fireworks I'm sure of it. When you're ready. I'm not pushing you Sam. I have come to realise a touch as you walk by, will make me happy as a pig in mud, I'm happy just to dance with you"

"That's a damn song"

"Yep, in my Life can be inserted here too. No one compares to you." He propped up again on his elbow and I snaked my fingers into his hair pulling him down to meet my lips.

"Maybe I'm amazed"

"Macca darlin"

"Oops, We can Work it Out?"

"That's Better" We laid on the bed cuddling and kissing til the sun started to sink.