Chapter Forty-Four

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Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. Hope you guys like the chapter. Collen is on the side >>> He's so cute! By the way Finn Harries plays him and I love him sooooo much!


Meredith's P.O.V

I changed into something warm and comfy and made my way into the bathroom. After brushing my teeth, I closed the door behind me and jogged downstairs. The smell of something burning went through my nose. I raised my eyes brows and pushed the kitchen door open and entered.

Just as my eyes fell of them snogging, my eyes widened and I tried not to gag. "Guys stop please! I will puke and I don't have any food in my stomach!" I exclaimed.

They quickly pulled away and stared at me. Lindsey went a scarlet red and went back to cooking while Michael just stood there awkwardly. I shook my head and sat down on the stool.

"If you guys were planning morning sex in the damn kitchen then you should've informed me," I stated. "Meredith!" Michael scolded getting even redder.

"What?" I questioned playing innocent as I stuffed my face with some unburned food. He shook his head and sat down. Lindsey joined us soon.

"So are you coming along Michael?" I questioned referring to the shopping trip we will be going in a while later.

"No, I'm staying here to put up the tree," He answered while Lindsey nodded. "You haven't put up the tree yet?" I questioned dramatically gasping. Back in Manchester we had the tree ready the first of December. It was sort of like a family tradition.

"Hey, I didn't have time. Plus I had to go buy the tree too," He replied reasoning.

"Buy a tree? Don't you have one from past years?" I questioned pressing my mug full of orange juice to my lips.

"If you haven't realized, we have been spending Christmas in Manchester for all those years," Michael stated. My mouth made an 'O'.

"Are you going to decorate it while we're gone?" I questioned. Michael grinned knowing I loved decorating the tree every year.

"I think I can wait. We can decorate it together when you come back. Collen can join us."

I nodded as I finished up my food.

"Christmas is in a few days and the guests will be coming tomorrow. I suggest we get ready," Lindsey spoke up while taking the plates to the sink. I got up and helped her.

"Guests?" I asked.

"I told you. Some of you're aunts and uncles are coming over for Christmas," Lindsey responded. I groaned since I didn't like spending Christmas with a lot of people. It was always Mom, Dad, Michael and I unless we had a whole family dinner. I guess things changed. I sighed as I dried the plates.

"I'm going to go grab my phone and wallet. I'll be right down," I told them and jogged upstairs. I slipped my boots on and grabbed my phone.

1 missed call. 1 text message.

They were both from an unknown number. I raised my eyebrows as I checked the text.

Mornin. This is my new number if you're wondering. I'm coming over in 10 minutes. xxxCollies

Collies. The name made me smile. I remember the first time he told me his name. At first I thought he said Collies but it was really Collen. I decided to nickname him that and called him almost every single day. But that ended after we broke up.

Did he move on?

I didn't exactly get to have a normal conversation with him since he showed up at the last minute and in the worst timing.

I was glad he came and today I have the whole day with him. It was going to be old times again but this time we couldn't steal kisses or hold hands because he entered my life.

Harry.

I haven't thought about him once today. Well, it's a bit impossible since everything reminds me of him but I felt good. I felt like I can breathe today without worrying about what will happen with Harry. We weren't in a damn relationship but we have problems that not even real couples have. We argue so much that it is hard to keep track of but I still keep this tingling inside me every time I thought about him.

What were we anyways?

We snogged a couple of times so are we like friends with benefits? But he told me he loved me so we're........ friends with benefits that loves each other? Oh god this is so much thinking.

I shook the thought of Harry out of my head. It will be like this the whole day.

Harry-free day.

I grabbed my wallet and stuffed it in my bag and texted Collen back. I put his number on my contacts and deleted his old one. It's amazing how I almost forgot I had his old number. I barely looked twice at him name in my phone when I moved here. Oh yeah, I forgot. Captain Styles boarded the ship and sunk it taking me with him.

Awesome right?

I jogged downstairs to see Lindsey all ready by the door. I gave her a smile and put my jacket on and scarf since snow was still covering the ground and it was a bit windy.

"Collen is meeting us here in a few," I told her. She nodded and kissed Michael good-bye but this time I didn't gag. I shouldn't hate on their love because mine is crapped up. I won't be that selfish.

I walked out the door and stepped foot on the porch. I quickly walked down the small stairs so my feet that was covered by warm boots would hit the wet pavement.

"Enjoying yourself?" I heard a voice so I looked up to see Collen with a warm smile which was so familiar.

"Hey....." I breathed and walked up to him and wrapping my arms around his neck and closing my eyes. His sweet scent went through my nostrils making my smile against his broad shoulder.

"Missed me that much?" He whispered in my ear. Cocky Collen I see. I nodded my head and pulled back staring at his face.

He looked attractive. More than he was before. I didn't look like the old Collen but I didn't really mind. He looks better now and I'm sure there are girls chasing him back in our old school. The thought made my stomach turn. Was I jealous? Why would I be, I mean we broke up but I still had feelings for him but then those feelings went away when I met Harry. I shouldn't be jealous. That would be selfish.

I wanted to ask Collen so much but I'm sure he will get scared because I will be bombering him with thousands of questions. Most of them were pretty personal but there's nothing personal between Collen and I. Never been and never will even though I haven't told him about the full story on Harry. I won't be thinking about Harry (even though I am). If I don't think about him then I won't have to talk about it with Collen. He knows me too well to know when something was wrong.

"You guys ready?" I heard Lindsey's voice and then a door shut. I blinked my eyes a few times to see that I was still in Collen's arms. I felt the heat rushing up to my face as I pulled away. Collen gave me a small smile as he stuffed his hands into his pocket like Harry-- No No No. I can't think about Harry. Not now.

But then I realized what exactly I was trying not to do.

Not think about Harry. How the hell am I not supposed to think about him? Ugh! I tell myself one thing and then realize another thing. Am I literally arguing with myself? I am even more insane than I thought!

Lindsey walked up to us with her hand in my big purse. She was looking for something but was failing to find it.

"So I'm going to stop by a few places before going to the mall so I was thinking you guys go ahead to the mall with Meredith's car and I'll meet you guys there. I'm sure you will be bored to death if you come with me," Lindsey explained. Collen and I nodded and waved at her before heading to my car which was parked in the driveway.

I opened the door and jumped in as Collen did the same. It felt like old times already but usually it was Collen who drived, not me. I put the heater up and let the car heat up a bit before driving off.

There was an uncomfortable silence as I finally pulled out of the driveway and on the road. The mall was a quite drive since we were heading out of town. Guess Lindsey wanted to do shopping somewhere else.

I put the radio up since the silence was killing me. I put the volume up higher then I should've but I didn't care. The silence was drowning me down and I didn't know why.

He stared at me as the music filled in the car. His hands went to lower the volume.

"Why are you quiet?" I blurted out. "I don't know what to say." He answered staring out the window.

"What do you mean?" I questioned. He didn't know what to say? There was so much that he can say and he's asking me what to say?

"I mean that you changed. What am I supposed to say to you? That Jeremy, the ice cream guy is getting married?" He snapped. What the hell was his problem? I haven't changed.

"I didn't change. I'm still the same," I muttered trying to not yell at him for snapping at me. He was the last person to snap of me.

"Sure you didn't, M." He replied sarcastically. "I mean I come to surprise you at school and I see you beating the shit out of some chick. Then you tell me you are having affairs with some douche bag?" He exclaimed.

My jaws clenched. Sure I hated Harry this minute but that doesn't give the right for Collen to call him names. And when did he become Dr.Phil? He should be asking me how it's like here and how everything was going. Instead I'm getting a lecture from him on my life.

"He's not a douche bag! Why the hell are you fucking acting like this? I'm the one who changed? Have you thought about yourself? Come to think of it, I thought your arrival would actually help me fix my already fucked up life but now I just wish you never brought your ass here." I shouted at him as I parked the car in the parking lot of the huge mall.

I turned my body around and glared at my ex-boyfriend. "What was your reason of coming? To spend some time with me after a long time of not seeing me and helping me get over my parents death or are you here just rub in my face how much of a bitch a became after I moved?" I continued.

Collen stayed quiet as I was sending daggers his way.

I exhaled out loudly and sat back in my seat.

"You know what? I am done with everyone turning on me. What the hell have I done? I'm trying so hard to keep myself together but people just wants me to break don't they? Ugh, I knew this was a bad idea!" I exclaimed as I opened the door and slammed it shut. I stomped my way through the people and walked into the mall. I breathed in and exhaled sharply.

I walked through the people and looked around. Lindsey was right when she said it was going to be crowded. Late Christmas shopping sale. I guess I needed to do some late shopping as well.

I still need to find Niall, Louis and Zayn's present. Eleanor and Dani was covered.

Then the thought occurred to me that there's also Harry. I don't need to give him a present, do I? But I still felt to give him at least something. It's Christmas, but then Tori came to mind. Ugh! The bitch doesn't deserve anything!

My eyes landed on a window of a store and like magnet I was pulled there. My hands was on the glass as I stared at the necklace. It was beautiful.

It was a small key necklace but not any simple necklace. It was diamond. That means I can't buy it since it was going to be expensive as hell. I tried to move away to another store but my eyes and body wouldn't rip away from the glass.

As my eyes stayed on the necklace, it seems as if it was getting even more beautiful if that was possible.

"Here you are! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Collen's voice rang in my ear making me rip my stare away from the necklace. He looked breathless, panting as he trying to calm down.

My cold stage came back as I ignored him and started walking away but I felt his hands grab my wrist and I felt as if everyone has been doing that.

"Meredith, please. I'm sorry for what I said. I was just mad that you moved on so quickly. I was moping the for weeks and when I heard that I could come here to see you, I was so excited. But then I see you beating I someone and I was in shock. And you fancied someone else that quickly while I was still acting like my life was over and felt something was just ripped away from me. It was just hard for me okay? That was why I blamed you. I'm sorry," He whispered the last part. His speech made me realize. He was right. I did just left him hanging. Ugh I hate myself right now.

I felt Collen whisper my name as he leaned closer. I stopped breathing as his face was just inches away from mine. I didn't lean in nor stop him.

What the hell? Move idiot!

I finally felt my hands go up to his chest stopping him.

"I can't," I whispered looking away knowing his hurt face will make the gilt even worse.

I couldn't just kiss Collen. I'm tired of letting boys kiss me and I just fall for their spell making reality even worse. I felt like a whore. Maybe I was one.

Collen. The guy at the party. Zayn. Harry. And now Collen again? What the hell was I thinking?

"You love him more than me right?" He questioned saying 'him' in disgust. His expression was held with hurt but it was quickly replaced with a cold glare.

He started walking away and I was about to run after him but I heard Lindsey's voice.

"You guys are here! Let's do some shopping!" She exclaimed. Collen gave her a smile and ignored me. I sighed and followed them.

**

After shopping for hours, I was famished with a headache and my arms hurting from holding on so much bags. I finally found Louis and Niall something but Harry was no use. I couldn't find one single thing that he would liked.

Then I realized how much I didn't know about him.

What was his favorite color? Food? Drink? I didn't know much about him.

I sighed as Collen walked right next to me. Lindsey told us to get food and to my surprise Collen didn't protest since he all of a sudden he hates me.

My boots hit the floor as we passed many shops. I stared down as we walked which resulted me getting hit by poles and bumping into things but I still looked down.

Suddenly Collen stopped making me stop as we'll and look back at him. He had a straight face as he starred at something ahead.

I followed his gaze and my eyes grew wide.

There stood Harry with his hands against the wall with the girl trapped. But the surprising part wasn't that the girl was Eleanor but to was that they were smiling.

I felt my heart shatter as I starred at them snog.

Harry and Eleanor? What? Louis? When?

I felt my world spin and the only thing I could was grab Collen'a collar and crash my lips on his. And so that's what I did, taking him by surprise.

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait! You can hate me, you have my permission. I had writer's block and all the ideas that came to mind was boring. So did you expect Harry and ELEANOR?

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