I've Got Another Confession To Make

92.Making Up My Mind

1 Month Later - May 11th

"Ok James and Eric are both napping. Kurt is downstairs beating on his drumset while Meredith is playing dress up tea party with her dolls quietly in her room," I said as I put the baby monitor down on the coffee table and sat down beside Dave.

"Our mad house is peaceful and quiet. Feels like something is wrong," Dave said as he put an arm around me and pulled me into him a bit.

"I'm glad it's quiet. It means I can hear myself think," I responded back with. I put my head on his shoulder and stared out the window into the backyard.

"Still debating what to do huh?" Dave asked and I nodded yes.

"I don't know if I can do it Dave," I replied as my eyes started tearing up.

"Talk to me. Let it all out. Let me help you babe," Dave said as he kissed the top of my head. I sat up and looked at him. I then moved so I was sitting cross legged on the couch facing him.

"I want to do it. I love going out on that stage and hearing everyone. I love singing and going out there with those guys but it's different without Kevin. Plus I can tell Gavin still does drugs and is still screwing groupies most likely. I can't do that again. I went to rehab becaise I was sick of slipping. You beat the shit out of someone because they gave me drugs, which was hot by the way. I want to do music because I love it so much but I don't want to tour. Tour just takes me away from you and the kids. Kurt and Meredith start kindergarten in September. I don't want to miss that. I also just had a baby and what if we want another one. I know that's a long shot but still it could happen. I don't even want to do this movie but I'm going to. Why are you smiling like that?" I asked.

"Because you want another baby," he replied and I smacked his knee lightly.

"That's what you focus on out of everything? If you're not going to help me," I said and started getting up but Dave stopped me.

"Sit your ass back down. I was listening to everything. You sound like you want to stay home and be with the kids. You know I'd be ok with that. You can do whatever you want. What does your gut tell you to do?" Dave asked.

"Stay home with the kids," I replied.

"Ok now does your head agree with?" Dave asked and I nodded.

"Well ya. Where are you going with this?" I asked.

"Give me a second. What does your heart say?" Dave asked and I just stared at him.

"The kids," I replied with a smile.

"You just solved your own issue. Do the movie and tell the guys you just want to be a mom. You can still do music when you want. You don't need to tour if you don't want to. It's all up to you. I will support you no matter what you do. Leave the touring to me though," Dave said and I leaned forward and kissed him.

"You're perfectly fine with it if I want to stay home and raise the kids?" I asked.

"Of course. Kurt and Meredith are starting school and you missed alot. You missed 10 months because I was a stubborn jackass. You missed 3 months being in a coma because some asshole hit you. You can do whatever you want and I'll be behind you a hundred percent," Dave replied and I kissed him again.

"I have to have a very heart breaking conversation with the guys now," I said as Dave pulled me onto him.

"I'm sure they will understand. Now let's stop talking and fool around a bit," Dave said as he pulled me in for another kiss but I pushed away.

"I promised Violet no more fooling around on the couch. You also have to wait two to four more weeks before you can get any. Kurt is also right behind us. Hi sweetie what's wrong?" I asked as I got off Dave and Kurt came over to us.