Endlessly - Preath

Chapter 39

(A\N: Just a reminder because it's kind of important in this chapter, Tobin is Mom and Christen is Mama)

(Beverly's POV)

This was it. It was now or it was never. Tryouts were the next day.

How am I going to do this? I thought. How am I going to explain this to Mom and Mama? To Ben? To Jay?

I paced in my room for a little while. I thought over everything I could do, everything I could say. I couldn't stop picturing Jay's disappointed face, or Ben's disapproving one. I could see Mom and Mama looking heartbroken.

It only got worse the more I thought about it. What's Mal going to say? What are Aunt Hope and Aunt Kelley going to say? What about Aunt JJ? Or Aunt Lauren and Aunt Amy?

My breathing began to quick the more I paced. I finally took a deep breath and fell back against my bed. "Bev?" I looked up to see Ben standing in the doorway.

"H-hey," I was shaking.

"You okay?" he sat on his bed across from me.

"Yup," I sat up.

"You sure?"

"Mmhmm."

He gave me a weird look. "Whatever, you wanna come practice with me and Jay? She's so excited for club tryouts tomorrow."

I took a deep breath. "About that."

He looked at me expectantly. "What? You wanna practice in a different position?"

"No," I sighed. "Ben... I dont want to play soccer anymore."

He stared at me before beginning to laugh. "Oh my gosh Bev," he put his hand over his heart. "Good one. You actually had me pretty scared there for a second."

"Ben I'm serious," I stood up. "I wanna try out for this travel softball team."

"Bev you're being ridiculous," he looked at me. "Can't you just do both?"

"Yeah, but the truth is... Ben I never really liked soccer."

He looked hurt. "Bev, c'mon, this is stupid. Mom and Mama are never going to let you quit soccer."

"Sure they will," I said shakily. "When they realize how much I dislike it."

"Well what about me?" he stared in disbelief. "What about Jay? You're just gonna leave her on that team by herself?"

"Gwen's gonna meet the age this year," I pointed out. "She'll be with her sister."

Ben rolled his eyes at me. "Whatever Bev," he finished tying his tennis shoes. "I'll see you later."

I sighed and fell back in my bed as he left the room. I walked downstairs a few minutes later to find Dani reading in the chair and Mom and Mama sitting on the couch. Mama had her head leaning on Mom's shoulder. "Hi sweetie," Mama smiled, sitting up. 

"Hi Mama," I smiled nervously. "Hi Mom."

"Is something wrong sweetie?" Mom asked, noticing my anxiousness.

"Um, I just... I wanted to talk to you about something."

"What's up buttercup?" Mama moved over so that I could sit in between them.

"Um well," I rubbed my hands on my pants, they were beginning to sweat. "Wow this is hard to say to you guys."

"Honey you can tell us anything," Mom encouraged, putting her arm around me. "C'mon please? You're starting to worry us."

"I don't want to play soccer anymore!" I blurted out.

The room went dead quiet. Dani looked up from her book at that moment and signed, "What did you say?"

"I don't want to play soccer anymore," I signed back.

Her eyes bugged out and she closed her book, then ran upstairs. I guess she was afraid about what was about to happen. Mom still had her arm around me, and Mama was staring off into space. "We're not gonna make you do anything you don't want to do," Mama said in a monotone voice.

"Are you guys mad?" I looked up, terrified of their reactions.

"Of course not sweetie," Mama's eyes softened and Mom released me. "We would never be mad at you for something like this. Soccer just isn't your thing I guess."

I smiled gratefully, but turned back to Mom. "What about you?"

She sighed and stood up, rubbing her temples. "I'm not mad, I'm just... disappointed."

I gaped at her and so did Mama. "Tobin, you don't mean that," Mama stood up as well.

"Don't tell me how I feel," she mumbled, pushing Mama out of the way and heading upstairs. "I'll be in my room."

I could already feel the hot tears running down my face. "Honey," Mama looked down at me. "She doesn't mean that, she's just really stressed out I think she just took it out on you. Which by no means is okay, but you have to understand she doesn't meant what she's saying right now."

But it was like I didn't hear her. I couldn't stop myself. I had no control. I was running. Through the room, out the door, and I didn't know where. I ended up in the park. I collapsed onto a bench, sobbing. Mom being mad was one thing, but disappointed? That I just couldn't handle.

My phone went off, but I ignored it. I watched some kids playing tag out on the soccer field. My phone went off again. I ignored it again. I watched some parents pushing their kids on the swings, and I thought that I might like to be a parent one day. My phone went off again, and I once again ignored it. I saw a few kids juggling a soccer ball.

I got up and began to walk home. When I opened the door, I seemed to be in the mist of chaos. Everybody seemed to be crying, but Ben was yelling. "Disappointed in her?! Mom how could you say that?! What if she gets kidnapped out there?! What could possibly be stressing you out so much that you took it out on Beverly?!"

Her voice was barely above a whisper when she said it, but I heard it. She was trembling and sobbing and sounded nothing like the strong willed Mom I had always known.

"Aunt Kelley was in an accident."