It's been so long since I have felt at home like this.
The wind is howling outside, forcibly slamming raindrops to my window pane. The branches of the acacia tree that used to guard my window from sunlight are now shaking uncontrollably, making terrifying shadows cast by the red-orange skin of the night sky.
My son, Ringo, is curled up in a ball on my lap.
"Mommy, when would the thunder go away?" he said, shivering. I smiled at him and gathered him in my arms.
"Mommy doesn't know when it would stop. But I know I'm always going to protect you from it."
He looked reluctant, but his young mind would always believe me, because his heart knows I speak the truth. "Okay, mommy. Would you protect Audrey too?"
"I'm not afraid of the thunder, Ringo. I'm eight." Audrey, my eldest, said. She's sitting at the center of our living room, tinkering on a wicker box I'm vaguely familiar of.
"When can I be eight, mommy?" My sweet Ringo asked, eyes glistening. I cupped his face and kissed his forehead.
"In two years, honey, you'll be eight like Audrey."
The fire on the hearth crackled. Audrey continued to play with the box, now taking dusty things out. Ringo stayed on my lap, playing with his action figures.
It was during times like these that I thank God for bringing me a peaceful life. I'm thirty-two now, happily married with two amazing children. It wasn't an easy road up to this moment. There were hours I spent thinking I couldn't make it out of all the mess that's been flung my way. There were times I thought of ending things, the darker parts of my life when I needed light shed but everything's sucking it out.
I don't regret any of them. They all lead up to this moment, even if I had to crawl my way through. The woman, the mother, the person I've become.
"Mom!" Audrey yelled, startling Ringo out of my lap. He scrambled to the space between my back and the rest of the rocking chair while Audrey clambered and sat on my lap.
"What is it, honey?" I asked, adjusting her so she wouldn't fall off. I guided Ringo's arms to hug me from the back.
"Look at all these pictures! You were in them!" She handed me a stack of old pictures she must've unearthed from the wicker box. I briefly scanned them and froze immediately.
They say that when you die, your life would flash before your eyes. That's a total lie, because at this same moment, mine did.
I thought of my earliest memories, which was of my father lulling me to sleep, then to my childhood where I played with my siblings. I thought of my elementary graduation, school competitions and family days. Of long queues leading to TV auditions, to my first break in show business. I thought of all the envy I have felt for the kids who were spotlighted as I wait patiently for my turn, and when it came, my eyes twitched as I remember the blinding lights and deafening roar of the crowd, all chanting a part of my name.
KathNiel! KathNiel! KathNiel!
They yelled.
Ringo's hand brought me back to myself. He shook me, then pointed to one of the pictures on my hand. "Is that you mommy? Why are you on stage?"
I smiled at the picture. "Yes, that's mommy. I used to be an actress. I used to play roles in movies and TV series."
Audrey's eyes glittered. "Like Piper McLean!?" She squealed, genuinely delighted that her mom used to be like her favourite TV personality.
