Fifty Shades Of Blu

Rejected Blu

The drugstore just made it more realistic. This is not a joke. I could be pregnant and my baby won't have a father...or he will but the father won't want him or her. I grabbed three tests and paid. The cashier smiled and winked at me. I felt like getting sick right then on her.

The drive home just made me cry. I hope he's gone already. God, I can't see his face if I have to tell him I am pregnant and knowing he doesn't want him or her makes it worse.

Walking through the front door was like stepping into hell. Our argument atmosphere still lingered everywhere. He tried to follow me into the bathroom. I closed the door on him and heard him rest his head against the other side of it. At least he knew he fucked up.

The worst 10 minutes of my life were waiting on the damn test results.

Negative. Negative. Negative.

My eyes automatically watered and I just burst into tears. I heard the door crack and I just sat there crying into my knees on the bathroom floor.

"I'm not pregnant, happy?" I replied still crying as he slid beside me and held me. I was still so mad at him, but the sense of relief and hurt I was feeling numbed me.

"No I'm not, because I realized while you were gone that I was wrong for acting like that way and I swear if you were pregnant I wouldn't leave. I'm not going to be the father mine was to me. I take back my comment about us not being forever. I was upset, but us being together is the only thing in my life I'm sure of, you have to believe me." He said to me as he kissed my forehead. I pushed him off.

"You really upset me, Matthew. You can't just take it back because I know you meant it. I'm sick of arguing and I'm just done with feeling this way. You shouldn't make me cry, but look at me. I am. That means something is wrong and I don't want this for myself." I replied.

"You're just upset right now. I'm sorry, okay. I know I fucked up. I'm sorry. I truly am. I want you to believe me, please." He pleaded and I just cried harder. He picked me up and I didn't fight him. I just laid in his arms. I felt myself being placed in a car.

"I'm taking you to a doctor. You might not be pregnant, but you are sick," He said to my tear streamed face.

On the way there he started to speak,

"Blu, I don't know if you're awake or not, but I'm truly sorry and I wouldn't apologize if I felt I didn't need to, but I fucked up. I only reacted that way earlier because of the fact that I can't be father to a kid. I never had a father of my own. I don't know how to be that for someone else, but I let my anger get the best of me and I used my words to hurt you like fucking always and I'm beating myself up because of it. I can't lose you, Blu. Please forgive me. I know I don't deserve it, but I need it. I need you." He said as I felt the car come to a stop. I shut my eyes quickly and smiled. He loves me and I know I shouldn't let it go this easily, but I understand him. I wish he'd just say things like this before we argue.

He came and grabbed me up out of the car and carried me in. They tried to take me from him. I heard his voice tell the nurse "fuck no". That made me smile into his chest. He continued to carry me until I felt his strong grip loosen and a soft mattress on my back. The IV in my arm felt like shit as it went in. I opened my eyes and I saw him in the chair directly across from the bed.

I could see in his eyes that his thoughts were eating his brain alive. When all the nurses retreated, I called his name faintly.

"Matthew, come here." I whispered and he rose quickly. "Yeah baby."

"I know you love me. I do with everything in me love you the same way, but you have to control your temper. The more we argue the further you push me away. Just talk to me. I understand you. My parents started to fuck up later in my life, but I still get you. I know a baby would be stressful, but I wanted you to say you'd love it like you love me. That everything would be okay and that you still love me. That was a lot to ask and I'm sorry for that."