Summer's Heat //editing

Admitting

I saw Ray with his toes in the sand and a big black bag with him, he turned around to me and I locked eyes with him.

"D-don't try to pull anything I have a fucking knife.", I shouted towards him my hands trembled and I moved back

"Susy", that familiar nickname rolled off his tongue the same way it did that night I met him.

"Just tell me, why did you do this to me, Ray! I'm fucked up! Your a fucking drug I can't get your name your words out of my head!"

He sniffled and started to get closer to me, "You have to believe me I'm not a drug addict, I didn't rape you, I never- I", he tried to fit in his last words before he burst into tears.

I threw my knife on the ground and left my walker behind I tried to run towards him but I ended up falling. Ray ran towards me and held me there for a while, with my head in his lap and his arms over me we cried together. All the things that I missed came back mainly my life for him.

He quietly whispered in my ear,"I'm really sorry Susy, I've ruined your life because my life I'm ruined. I ruined my life because of drugs... which weren't really drugs. They were anti depressants and anxiety pills."

I turned around to Ray and brought him in for a big kiss, the one I've been wanting to do since I first fell in love with him. All the anger and love and emotions were put into one kiss.

He quietly got off of me and licked his lips, "But wait-"

"Shh", I said and pulled him in for another big slobbery kiss. He sucked in the top of my lip and proceeded to kiss my neck. Lust, is what I felt all his heartache and pain was upon me now except expressed in a form of love.

*************************

No we didn't have sex, we just kind of laid there. Somehow I believed Ray wouldn't take my Virginity, but somehow I didn't believe him, Deep in my heart I wanted to hurt Ray for "killing me".

*************************

A couple hours later Ray was asleep and I  decided to finally speak to him. I shook his body and he mumbled a bit.

"Can you hear me", I asked but no answer, I guess the best way to go through to him is when he's asleep. I started writing on a piece of paper

"Ray.. you-you have put me through so bucking much, and I hate you. I hate you! But I-i still love you, I can't stop that it's scary to think that I'll never stop loving you because when I was sick, I was going fucking crazy! Your voice played in my head over and over again. When am I ever going to stop this? Some days I just feel like saying fuck it, I'm leaving I'm going back home to Virginia. And other times I just can't see myself without you. But I need you out of my life so I can enjoy myself, so I can love myself first before I love anyone else. So I can figure out my life before I let you in mine.  I love you but I'm leaving tomorrow and I might never see you again so I just want to say it's been really fun and I'll miss you", I kissed the letter then I placed it in his bag.

I walked away from the Ray his body becoming smaller and smaller. I held in my tears and walked back to gram and gramps house.

*****************

I started to unpack my clothes and my stuff. My mom came to the room it was pretty awkward since we haven't spoken in 3 months, no calls no check ins.

"Susanna, how was your summer?", she asked

"That's a great question mom!", I said sarcastically.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry. I didn't even check in on you. I didn't call, I didn't- I'm sorry Susanna I never knew that it would be this bad", she said to me.

"Mom it isn't your fault, it's practically mine. I made the stupid mistake of playing with fire"

"Your 16, you shouldn't have to worry about things like these. And I'm sorry you have to"

"Why did you just never call me?"

"Well", she said taking a seat on the bed. "I met this guy, and he's really special and, I love him", she blurted out, complete silence ran through the room I quietly stared at the floor, why was I sad? I knew there was no way in hell that mom & dad were going to get together again. "I'm happy for you", I lied.

Mom pulled me in for a hug and left the room.