Summer's Heat //editing

The I love you's The kisses The secrets

Really short chapter :)-Samara

"Why do we keep doing this?", I said as I got off from Ray, he had just came home from the hospital about a day ago and he was eager to kiss me.

"Because I love you", he said giving me another peck on the lips, it was scary kissing him because we went from simple kissing, to passionate kissing to French kissing and French kissing was the scariest for a number of reasons.

I moved away from his lips, somehow that got easier and easier, "Do you think Lucy is watching over us", I hesitantly spoke

"Why do you keep talking about Lucy? She's gone and I've accepted that now it's time to move on", he said sitting up and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"But I feel like she's watching us Ray, we both know This isn't right, my grandparents don't even know!", I spoke getting up from his body and sitting next to him.

"Susy, if you keep worrying about this you and I are not going to work, and I want this to work", he said putting his arm around me.

"Ray, I want this to work but it feels so wrong how much can I express that?"

"Look at me", he demanded as he pulled me closer and cupped my chin,"I don't care if it feels wrong cause deep in your heart you love me", he then pulled me in for a passionate kiss. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't there when we kissed I felt like someone else, I never felt like I was kissing correctly either.

After a couple minutes of making out I finally got off of him, "I forgot, we didn't finish our interviews", I said making a some dumb excuse to stop kissing.

"Who cares", he said pulling me in for another kiss.

I pushed him off, "I go back to school in a month we need to do this or I'll flunk and I've already failed most of my classes"

"It's in a month, and a lot of things can happen in a month", he said with a smirk. What did he mean by "a lot of things can happen in a month?"

"Ray, are you talking about sex?", I spoke hesitantly.

"Who knows, maybe we'll get married in a month, the world is ours Susy"

I started to get uncomfortable. Marriage, sex? These are the two things that I never thought would happen to me, at least not now.

"Ray, how can I emphasize this enough, I'm 16! I'm still in high school and your supposed to be in your freshman year in college, and you wanna get married and have sex?", I started to yell.

"We don't have to it's just how I feel. You and I are closer than ever, and to keep this connection we should do something like that", he said putting his hand on my knee and rubbing it back and forth.

"Ray, no", I said taking his hand away," I'm not marrying you or having sex with you, In fact I think we should stop kissing overall, I barely know you anyway", I said getting off his bed.

"Susanna why do you keep pushing me away, you know what we have is real, but you can't accept the fact that you have feelings for me!", he said following me outside.

"Ray, let's just stay friends okay? And I have to go write the interviews down in my journal, Good night", I said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

****

I felt stupid for leaving him, if any other girl got an offer to have sex with him they would do it but I'm not like other girls in fact I'm different from everyone in the world, no one understands how messed up my life is, and Ray is making it worse by wanting to marry me? I felt like saying no was the right thing to do even though I did want to marry him and I regret saying this but I did want to have sex with him, but doing all of those things now are very unrealistic, even though I loved him with all my heart, I loved the drunk him, the sweet him, the distant him(which was arguably my favorite).