How I feel when I'm around you (System Of A Down)(EN)

Exploding

«Sure» I answer the producer's question, smiling.

«That's good. Recently a few of the guys expressed concerns for your health so I got concerned as well, is everything okay?»

«Nothing serious, just a quite bad period in which old bad stuff comes back in mind but I'm dealing with this quite well, as I already had this kind of periods before, so no worries for me.»

«No jokes, Gray! I'm watching you!» Sako joins, calling me by my surname as he usually does when he jokes.

«Don't worry, Karaian» I reply and then laugh as soon as I see his facial expression.

Shavo and the others approach us in that moment, looking as if he has something to say while he smiles. «Seems like you're having a nice conversation here, can we join?»

«No need to ask!» Rick says; we quickly rearrange in a tight circle while still standing.

My attention decreases as soon as the conversation brings up themes such as politics, something I'm not expert of, so I get distracted with looking at the sky, although not being able to see more than a few stars here and there because of the light pollution. I boggle when I feel something touch one of my hands that hang loosely, so I move and my gaze crosses Daron's, catching him red-handed as he was observing me, and he bows down his head for a moment before raising it again and smiling shyly... I sense my cheeks and my chest becoming so warm but I keep myself collected and smile back.

«Are you okay?» he asks with some concern.

«Yes, thanks. You?» I answer, acting cool.

«Same.»

We both focus again on the chat with our friends, but we keep giving each other sly looks for a quite long time... well, still better than those days in which we didn't talk at all.

It's night, I'm in a room that looks like mine, the bedside lamp lights the whole room with a dim orange-ish light and, strange but true, I lie on my bed only wearing underwear... I'm not alone. A slim, small male figure appears by my side, and it's light enough to see big brown eyes, thick and regular eyebrows, plain nose, thin lips, rebel dark hair touching the base of his neck... Daron. Why the hell is here?!

Knowing that I'm not properly dressed makes my cheeks burn for the shame and I hurry up to cover myself as much as I can but this isn't enough; he watches my efforts, then lets out a small and quite deep laugh before taking my wrists and laying me down underneath him. A shiver runs down my spine as I see desire in his eyes and I don't reject him as he kisses me eagerly. His soft yet calloused hands explore my body greedily and remove every obstacle between my body and his, his chest is against mine and then he stares at me intensely, but then I suddenly plunge into total darkness without any chance.

I suddenly wake up and throw the blankets away as if the room's suddenly too hot; I frantically look around the semi-dark room before realizing it was just a dream, yet it was so realistic that now I'm a mess.

The mix of surprising, pleasure and even arousal quickly fades in a melancholy with a shade of desire: my mind built up something so beautiful yet so unrealistic, thinking that it may never happen for real gives me a stinging feeling as if my heart has become a sort of voodoo doll tortured with pins. This is the proof of the ultimate mutiny of my mind.