How I feel when I'm around you (System Of A Down)(EN)

Exploding

[Author's note: hey there! Sorry for the lack of update, still too anxious to turn my PC on (even though there isn't that much of danger of it dying) and also without wifi at the campus since a month, I'm updating right now that I'm in my hometown before going back... guess that since now I'll just update when I'm here at home :) anyway, this is a real turning point and I hope you guys like, I felt like treating you very nicely to a very long chapter! (I feel so evil LOL) Thanks for the reads, votes and comments as always <3]

-Shavo-

The clock ticks and it's about to say 1 AM, yet Morpheus hasn't come, so I keep rolling around in bed and thinking despite tiredness. Gosh, I hate this.

After a few more minutes I get exacerbated and get up, hoping I can borrow some weed from Daron to smoke and finally feel calm and sleepy, but once I'm in the hallway I notice that Daron's room's door isn't closed and his shoes lie near there; after a quick look I get sure that Daron isn't there, but then I observe that Nikki's door is still open as well, so I tiptoe and glance at the bed and recognize a first, subtle shape under the blankets, then I see another one lying on the bed sheets instead.

Daron is there with her.

Their interactions apparently and quite gradually decreased throughout the months and since the end of January, the girl probably hoped that putting some distance between her and him would help her against the feelings she got for the guitarist... but what if the same happened to him? Daron hasn't been really talkative earlier and I keep seeing some weirdness in his acts since a quite long time, for example I still remember how he reacted when he was told that Nikki was hanging out with Bree and Paul and also the face he had when he came back after the walk he went for after hearing the news.

I have a feeling that tells me that he's in love with her as well since Christmas time, when the absence of the girl caused him to be melancholic and thoughtful more than usual, but I'm sure as hell that his overthinking is keeping him from admitting or doing anything. Goodness, what a situation... there's going to be a kind of "explosion" and I'm not sure about wanting to be there when it will happen, I don't even know what to expect.

I finally give up, sigh and go back to bed.

-Nikki-

The morning arrives and I can sense it, but I refuse to open my eyes. I don't know why and how, but last night I slept way better than usual, I even felt like something similar to human warmth besides me, as if I wasn't alone in my bed, but I'm pretty sure it was a dream.

After a while the first sun rays reach me and I'm forced to lift my heavy eyelids and yield, I can't sleep anymore. I'm on my own, I knew it, but I've got a weird feeling; I remember not turning off the lamp since I dozed off quickly, crying myself to sleep as it often happens, but then I see that the lamp isn't as I left it last night... maybe one of the guys noticed it and came to turn it off for me. Suddenly a familiar smell comes and I feel goosebumps forming on my arms; I carefully pick up one of the pillows near my main one, I sniff at it and here we go, the smell is there and fills my nostrils... I think that Daron has been here to keep me company while I slept. This thought makes me smile at first and then my eyes get watery: he probably decided to do so because he pitied me for my smudged make-up.

Weeks of physical distance and less frequent interactions have gone to waste, my feelings are still here, stronger than ever, I failed at stifling them... why, as a pathetic fool, did I have to fall in love with a guy I can't have? Why me?!

After a short and silent crying I dry my cheeks and remove the black traces with a tissue and I start rehearsing my best normal smile, the one I put up every day as a mask.