How I feel when I'm around you (System Of A Down)(EN)

This talk will be our secret

-Nikki-

«Yeeee!» three of the guys gulp down a vodka shot in the same moment and everybody shouts. The evening's going on in a way I'm not sure I really like, since they're playing the fourth or fifth round of a kind of "alcoholic" game; the most sober of them all is Serj, who's had only one shot, then there are Shavo and John who had two shots and in the end there are Sako, Beno and Daron who are challenging each other and have gulped down four or five shots if my counting is right. Okay, they can stand alcohol better than me, but I'm sure something is going to happen.

«Nikki!»

I suddenly return to reality when someone puts my "dose" of alcohol in my hands and I drink it without thinking twice, feeling the alcohol burning my throat and the strawberry flavour. Uhm, not bad.

«Fuck yeah, she's had her first shot!» everyone cheers as some football team supporters during a match and I don't know whether to laugh or feel embarrassed. After putting down the little glass someone takes me by an arm and drags me along and when I get the hang of what's happening I'm besides Beno and Daron and the other guys look at us curiously.

Suddenly I slip on something, the blond guy's grip loosens and the guitarist saves me from falling just in time; I look down trying to understand what I've stepped on and I recognize a little branch of mistletoe... then I look up and see almost half of a field of mistletoe hanging above my head.

«Heeey, you guys ended under the mistletoe...» Beno starts, amused.

«...so now you have to kiss!» Sako continues, leaning on the other guy and giggling.

Everyone laughs seeing my eyes widening so much my eyeballs might fall out.

«A kiss under the mistletoe should never be denied!» Shavo, you're so helpful, you know?

«C'mon, it'll be quick and painless» the guitarist's words reach my ear; he's still holding me. Shit, my hearbeat is becoming fast again... the guy quickly takes me by the chin and smashes his lips on mine for a few seconds before detaching himself with a smack and the guys cheer again as if we've won a match. I stand still for a few moments, then I recollect myself and free myself from the guy's hold, excusing myself, and reach for the bathroom upstairs, turning the key of the door once I'm in.

I sit down on the blue floor, trying to calm down my breath and heartbeat. The taste of Daron's mouth mixed to the vodka flavour is still on my lips and it's exaggerated and intoxicant.

My phone vibrates without warning and I slightly boggle, then I pick it up and see Georgia's name on the display.

"Hi Nikki, how r u? I'll be in LA in the next days, wanna see u"

A big smile appears on my face. She's moved near there recently but I couldn't meet her because of her and my work schedule and I absolutely have to tell her about the latest things since her favourite band is involved.

«Hi Georgia, I'm fine, wbu? Wanna see u 2, meet tomorrow at Starbucks in Sunset Blvd at 4 pm?»

One minute of wait, then the answer comes. "Ok! I bring a friend, do the same. See u!"

"Ok, see u!"

After texting Hilary to invite her to tomorrow's meeting and getting her confirm I sigh in relief, then I lick my lips and feel that taste again and it makes me go phut.

I'm losing control of the events and of my heart that's impossible to tame as always... the thought of spending months with the presence of that guy makes me feel anxious 'cause I don't know how things will evolve.

After a short series of deep breaths I go out, trying to look normal and collected; I meet Serj who looks at me and arches an eyebrow as if he's wondering if everything is okay and I nod, smiling, but I'm afraid I didn't look cogent enough since his perplexed expression is still there, so he motions at me and I understand he wants to talk in private, so we go upstairs and stop in the doorway of his room.

«Something's wrong, Nikki?» he asks, worried.

«I'm fine...» I answer, still trying to save an appearance.

«I don't believe you. C'mon, tell me.»

«Not a big deal, the effect of the alcohol just made me react impulsively after the kiss and I preferred being alone for a while.»

«I don't think this is only alcohol's fault...» he pauses for a while. «Do you feel something for Daron?»

I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. No, I can't lie about this and it'd be stupid trying to do it.

«I-I think... yes.»

The singer's gaze becomes sweet. «Now I understand many things.»

I don't dare to investigate about what he's understood, I don't think I'm able to sustain the weight of his words.

«I don't want to give you false hopes or destroy the ones you might already have, but let me tell you a few things. Daron surely is a good, crazy and nice guy, but sometimes he can be stubborn, quite stupid, with a quite big pride or even his own worst enemy. It doesn't seem, I know, but he's shy, he gets anxious easily, sometimes he's afraid of hurting or being hurt so he pushes people away. In my opinion, no one of the girls he's been with until now has been really able to make him feel good and understand him very well, maybe that's why his relationships never lasted very much. I know you can't control your heart and feelings, but you have to know who is the guy you're feeling something for now, something that might be love in the future. I've said all I had to say, he'll tell you some more things if he wants to. I've already noticed a certain intimacy between you two, I don't know how it happened but I'm glad there is.»

I smile and hug him and he hugs me back.

«This talk will be our secret, right?»

«Sure.»

After breaking the contact we go back downstairs and I try again to look relaxed and fine so I won't make the other suspicious; I sit down in a corner and observe Daron while he freaks out with friends, laughs and talks non-stop, with a strange feeling deep in my chest.

[Author's note: hi! I managed somehow to write a bit in these days and right now I'm posting this new chapter sitting in the bathroom 'cause I'm having issues with internet and only there wifi works a bit, so... XD hope you like this new chapter, let me know what do you think of it! Thank you for the support <3]