"It's Not Love If It Hurts" //5sos

/96/

Luke woke up before Annie. He sat up, not wanting to get out of bed.

Annie was still sleeping comfortably, but he noticed as she began to wake up. Her muscles became a little tenser- not that they were tense necessarily, but less relaxed. Her eyes fluttered more. She did this thing with her hands, where she curled her fingers into fists then uncurled them.

Luke watched with subdued fascination. Then, just like that, Annie's eyes snapped open and for a split second she was still.

Then she screamed.

She jumped up, shooting out of bed. The covers fell to the ground, but that didn't stop her. She practically ran into the door, grabbing the doorknob and pushing, struggling.

"Annie?" Luke asked.

She turned slightly, seeing him for the first time. Her struggle only grew, to the point where she was throwing her whole body weight against the door.

Luke got up, pushing himself out of bed. "Annie, calm down. It's just me."

"Don't touch me! Don't touch me, Luke, don't." Her voice was ice cold, but Luke could see how scared she was. She gave up pushing the door, instead putting her back to it defensively. "Please, don't touch me."

He wasn't sure what to do. This wasn't like when she had had an attack in Colorado- she wasn't angry. She was afraid. "Annie, take deep breaths. I won't touch you."

Annie was looking around the room rapidly, like she was looking for something that wasn't there. She pushed a hand through her hair, and lurched forwards.

Luke tried to catch her, but she shoved him away, turning and running to the bathroom. She had no trouble with that door, pushing through and rushing to the toilet. Luke was frozen, still processing what was going on.

Annie was throwing up, emptying her stomach down the toilet.

He walked to the bathroom, and watched in quiet horror. She finished, and wiped her mouth, flushing the toilet.

Annie sat back, her body shaking from the effort.

Finally, Luke's words returned to him. "How about you brush your teeth and take a shower. We can talk later."

Annie nodded, wordlessly.

  Not knowing what to do, Luke backed out of the room, closing the door for her. He got dressed, and opened his door- which was pull, not push- and made breakfast.

  He heard the shower running in his bathroom. Eventually it turned off, and Luke waited longer.

  When Annie came out, she was wearing one of Calum's shirts. No surprise. She had deep eyebags, making her look like she didn't sleep a wink. The way she walked made it look like she'd half forgotten how to put one foot in front of the other.

  She sat down at the table, falling into her chair and looking around wearily.

  Luke slid a plate of pancakes to her.

  Annie watched them like she wasn't quite sure what to do.

  "What happened." Luke finally prompted.

  "I don't know." Annie started, but cut herself short. "No, I do know. It happened again- I think. Did it? Is he here?"

  Luke titled his head away, uncomfortable. "He?" His Adam's apple bopped as he swallowed.

  "Mik- Michael. Michael. Is here? No, he's back in Iowa. Right?" Annie had her fingers tangled in her hair, leaning in her elbows as she tried to decipher what was true and what wasn't. "I- I had the dream, again, I think. At least- yeah, I think." Luke waited for her to continue. "And- yeah, it was just the dream. I just-" she slammed her fists on the table in frustration. "I don't know! All I know was that he was on top of me again, and I was in Calum's room and he was touching my hair and-" she froze.

  "Annie?"

  She sighed, picking up her silverware and beginning to aggressively cut her pancakes into squares. "It's nothing. Just a dream."

  Luke crossed his arms on the table. "Dreams don't make you throw up."

  "Mine do," she said, spitefully. "They make me cry too. It's tons of fun. I wake up every morning and think it's happening again."

  Luke stared at her, trying to make sense of her words. "Every morning... you think he's raping you again?"

  Annie nodded aggressively, shoving a forkful of pancakes in her mouth. "I hate it. I hate it so freaking much. I used to be afraid of going to bed." She paused for a split second. "These pancakes are good. Are the chocolate chips milk chocolate?"

  "Semi sweet." Luke corrected. "How long has it even been? Months?"

  Annie stopped up another truckful of pancake on her fork, refusing to make eye contact. "Sometimes it feels like years. Other times- days. How's the recording going?"

  Luke furrowed his eyebrows. "It's good. Why do you keep trying to change the conversation?"

  Annie stuffed another mouthful of pancakes in her mouth, looking away. "I just- I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

  "Annie, it's okay to not be fully recovered. You don't have to be perfectly fine right now."

  She looked back at her plate, looking tiredly at it. "I just wish I was better. That's all."

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A/N: Care Packages
  If you're ever having a rough day, then email me at dumpsterdivingnomad@gmail.com and ask for a care package. In your email, wrote a basic description for why you're day sucked, and I'll email you a care package that you can either read on your email or print out. In the care package, I'll give some basic advice, maybe telling a story and letting you know it gets better. I also might attach some quotes or advice that has made me feel better in hard times, and I'll draw you a picture. Or, if you want, you can tell me that you really need a mood booster, and I'll tell you a funny story, or write something happy for you.

  Anyone can ask for a care package. Cause life can suck, and I want to help you guys out through some of the tough times :).