Life is Liz (LiL, #1)

Chapter 32: Unfairness

"Okay." I didn't know what else to say. How would you react if you found out you'd had a best friend in your childhood you couldn't remember and then be told that he was dead? This whole situation was so absurd that I was questioning my sanity. Was this a dream? Was I only imagining all of this? I had the brief urge to pinch myself just to see if I would wake up, but I stopped myself, because deep down I knew that all of this was true. That I once had a close friendship with someone that I lost at an early age.

God, I thought, he was so young. A kid didn't deserve to die the way he had, scratch that a kid didn't deserve to die period. He'd had a whole life ahead of him. He'd had the chance to experience so much while growing up. His first year of school. His first kiss. His first relationship. To love. The first heartbreak. Sadness. Finding new friends. His first party. Happiness. Graduating. Creating his own little family. Making stupid decisions. To laugh. To hurt. To cry. To live.

But all of these things were taken away from him. He'd never gotten the chance to actually live before he died. 

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I was in my room, pacing. My thoughts were on one person and one person only. Alex. I couldn't let it go. When I had come up to my room after the conversation with my parents the first thing I did was adding the picture of Alex and myself to my wall of pictures. Why did someone so young have to die? How could this be fair to anyone?

Many people believed that everything happened for a reason. But if there was a reason then tell me. Why? Why'd had this happened to Alex, a little boy who didn't know one thing about the world, who had his whole life ahead of him? An innocent young child was where you should draw the line.

And although I was shocked to the core I couldn't help but wonder what this accident had been about. Tentatively, I sat down and slowly opened my laptop. Holding my breath, I reached out and powered up my computer. I couldn't help but feel like this was a bad idea. I started fidgeting, my hands were trembling as I put my fingers on the keyboard after opening up an internet browser. I looked at the search bar in puzzlement, contemplating what exactly and if to google at all. Did I really want to find out? I was spared to give the answer as my fingers started to move around the keyboard on their own accord.

car accident 2002

Immediately, the site was filled with search results. Going through all of them a frown formed on my face. Apparently Kanye West had been involved in a car accident in 2002. Nope, good old Kanye was not the guy I was expecting to learn more about today... or any day really.

None of them mentioned anything about a little boy.

Pursing my lips, I clicked back onto the search bar and deleted the three words currently etched into the screen. I felt so unbelievably stupid. What was I doing?

Moving my fingers over the mousepad until I reached the red X in the upper right-hand corner, I closed the window. Maybe this was a sign. A bad omen. Maybe I should keep out of this. Maybe I wasn't meant to know the truth.

But then again maybe I just searched for the wrong thing. Biting my lip, I forced myself not to think about it and once again opened google. I placed my chin on my palm, my arm propped up on the table. Maybe the year wasn't right? No, I was pretty sure mom wasn't wrong on that. I raised my head when it made click in my mind. She'd never said it had been a car accident.

accident 2002

After scrolling through the ones about Kanye West and one article about some singer who had died in a car accident I found various links to the story of the boy I was looking for.

Phoenix plane crash

I clicked on the first one I found with a worried frown. A plane crash? My eyes scanned over the text in a hurry, my heart beating ferociously in my chest.

This afternoon, March 21st 2002, plane 259 to Hawaii unexpectedly came down near Phoenix, Arizona.

The reason is yet to be known.

There don't seem to be any survivors.

That was basically everything I caught from reading through the article. My hand automatically flew to my mouth as shock, worry and dread filled my system. Oh my God. How cruel!

...

The only survivor, a six year old boy

Said the next link. I opened it before I could properly think it through and talk myself out of it, hope flaring in my chest.

Young Alexander Malcolm Jones is the only survivor of the plane crash on 21 of March. The plane crashed due to uncontained engine failure. The six year old boy is yet to wake up after surgery. People here in Phoenix are gathering in front of the hospital young Alexander was put in, they light candles and pray for his safety, in the crowd are families that lost their loved ones in the accident.

Another article.

Another.

And another.

All telling me the same.

And then... a video.

A doctor was giving a statement to the press outside of the hospital, in which I guess he worked in. He was lanky and thin with shaggy black hair, wearing scrubs and a white doctors coat. He adjusted his glasses seemingly nervous before gripping the podium he stood behind with both hands. "We are very sorry to announce that Alexander Jones is another victim of the plane crash in March. He succumbed to his injuries late last night," the doctor said. "His family asked for privacy in this hard time of grief. Thank you."

I shut my laptop closed, maybe a bit too forceful than was intended. I jumped up, pacing again. Shock and sadness coursing through my body as I walked up to the photo of Alex and myself as children. Why was I so shocked? I knew that he was dead, my parents told me. I stood in front of my wall, hands on my hips, jaw clenched together. "How can this be fair to you?" 

My heart was thumping against my chest and I felt strangely panicky. "You were just a child." My eyes started to sting as I let my finger touch the picture. "You didn't deserve this." 

But then again maybe God wanted to protect him from this world, because he knew that life wouldn't do him any good. Maybe he wasn't meant to survive. The moment I let myself think this disgust rolled over me, making me shudder. "No." I shook my head, pressing my lips together for a moment to order my emotions. 

"How can someone possibly decide to take an innocent child away from this cruel, but yet beautiful world and let others, criminals, live, people who just want to cause destruction? It's not fair." I shook my head again, ignoring the wetness on my cheeks. I understood now why my heart was beating so furiously, I wasn't just deeply hurt and betrayed I also felt the anger burning in my veins, begging to be released.

"It's not."

"It's not okay. You were ripped away from your family, from your friends." I whispered, "From me."

Who knows what could have become of us? If he was alive would we be best friends still? Would we have lost contact? Would we be more than friends? Would we be enemies?

"I guess we will never know. Life isn't fair, Alex. I'm sorry."

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Hello all of you lovely people!

Long time no see I know, I know. And I'm really sorry, but school is really exhausting at the moment. But starting on the 8th of November the stress will hopefully lessen, because then most of my exams are over until December so yay more updates... hopefully. 

Anyways tell me what you think. Alex' history is finally revealed. Any thoughts on that one? Oh and do you think her parents' decision to tell her he moved away was right? 

Until next time, beautiful! *blows kiss*

Love always

Kathy