The Things I Notice

If You Were To Ever Leave Me

I didn't understand that he was gone until I couldn't hear the crunch of the snow behind me

I always walked faster then him

Or how I would play my radio way too loud and he wouldn't pound on my door

He hated my boy band obsession

I have to set the table twice now, putting the extra plate and mug back

Nobody even looks up now at dinner, what's there to say?

Walking home from school is different, nobody to chase after in the middle of the road

I miss how he would push me away but hide his smile

That one guy grabbed me in the hall today, and I screamed that he would beat him up

But the only person who can stand up for me now is myself

The basement was always a warmer place, filled with his heartfelt laughter and common slang

I'm the only one that goes down there anymore, and I just lay in his old spot

Family events aren't even manageable anymore, his name is dropped like a child's toy

Who am I going to mock the family with now?

It was always my secret game during school, if I could find him in the halls after each class

Keeping my head down, I shuffle to lunch with my arms crossed tight

I use to sneak downstairs and watch him play his Xbox, pretending I knew the names of the guns

It's in my room now, and I try to beat every game he had, in some kind of tribute to him

When I would could home from school, he would have his heavy rock playing and I would try to dance along

Even when I play the songs myself, the room still feels silent

He knew some of my friends from other classes he took, and would tell them that I was good at writing

I don't write anymore

Today would be his eighteenth birthday, and we would be at the beach

But now we're at his grave, and I find it hard to speak

If you were to ever leave me, I don't know what I'd do

Because Austin, there is no me without you

-

I wrote this for my brother, Austin. No, he isn't dead and I thank God for him everyday. We fight so much, but I love him to death. I cried writing this, so it means a lot. Gotta say, one of my favorites.

-TaylorMarie