She Follows the Birds to Freedom

My Secret

I refuse to let it own me,
I refuse to be shackled,
The devil likes to think that
he owns the secrets I've been hiding,
He likes to think that
he's the only one I've been confiding in,
But he's wrong.
I've been letting the ink spill my secrets.
I've been letting the paper hold on to them,
so that one day,
even if I don't get the words out,
my words are out.
The truth has willed itself out of me,
forced its tired body through my hands
and made plans that
should somebody read them,
they'll see everything that I've done.
And know that what I could say is nothing compared to all that I could write.
All they will have to do is read and know.
Let the seeds sow themselves,
I've taught my secrets how to grow,
no more starving them of the water,
no more shutting the windows,
I've taught them,
nurtured them so that they will spread far beyond me and into the light,
I've taught them how to find light in the darkest hiding places.
How to survive and not die
under the weight of guilt and regret,
how to let ink water them instead,
my secrets flourish on paper,
they sprout wings, fins, or fire,
whatever it takes so they will not be ignored.
They will be listened to,
and understood as everything that they are,
not taken at face value.
For there is nothing they hate more
than being mistaken for a mistake
or a horrible habit I didn't shake,
like it was on purpose with malicious intent, like I wanted all of this to happen.
They will carry out all of the
fiery intent of my words
because my secrets were first taught to grow and then to burn.
And so the devil might
think he own my darkness,
But God owns my light.
I did not learn to survive to remain
shackled to this plight,
like Atlas holding the world up
with all his might,
I did not learn to strip the trees bare
and bleed on them just to stay here.
I know I learned these things for a reason,
and I will not learn to regret them
because I have yet to be free,
I will treasure them until I have
learned how to be brave
and let the words God gave me,
save me.

SK