Going the Distance (Book #1 of Distance series)

5: Bittersweet

"Life is about change. Sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes it's painful, but most of the time, it's both."

-Anonymous-

🤍🤍🤍

"To Whom It May Concern"
By Civil Wars

♪ Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be.
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take.
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do♫

🧳🧳🧳🧳

(Flashback)

"Please, Tristan, I beg you. Can we work this out? I'll forgive you. I'll try to forget what you did. I believe that what we're going through is just a test to us. We should overcome this together."

Stuttering, I grabbed his hand and held it tightly, shaking it, in an effort to make my point heard.

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng mata ko. Ano mang oras ay tutulo na ang mga luha ko.

"We can't, Sophie. I don't want to do this anymore." He let go of my hand and he shifted his gaze away from me. He couldn't stay put on his seat.

Andiyang di-dekuwatro siya ngunit maya-maya ay ililipat naman niya ang kanyang pagkaka-dekuwatro sa kabilang hita naman. Minsan ay uupo siya nang diretso habang naka-krus ang dalawang braso sa dibdib.

Hearing those breathy explosion of words from him made my chest feel tight, like there's something inside it wanting to burst out. Pinigilan ko pa rin ang umiyak.

No, I don't want to cry.

"Look," matigas niyang sabi. "It's not you, Sophie. It's me. I'm the bad guy here. Walang problema sa'yo. You're almost... perfect. Gusto ko lang hanapin ang sarili ko. It's just that---"

Pinatigil ko na siyang magsalita pa.  Hindi ko inakala na maririnig ko ang pamosong linya na yun sa totoong buhay,  "It's not you.  It's me".

Ayaw ko na ring makarinig ng kahit ano pang excuses mula sa kanya.

"Is this about another girl?" I rubbed my wrists instinctively. My heart was throbbing and my breathing became somewhat depth-less. "Just tell me. Just damn tell me, Tristan!

Napakapit na lang ang dalawa kong kamay sa ilalim ng lamesa, pa para bang nanghihingi sila ng lakas sa isa't-isa, habang tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung handa na ba akong marinig ang totoo. At sa tuwing nagtatagpo naman ang mga mata namin ay mabilis din niyang binabawi ang mga tingin niya sa akin. Yuyuko na lang siya pagkatapos.

It took a while before he answered my question.

"I can't say. Hindi lang ito tungkol doon, o sa kanya. There are other things, Sophie. But the bottom line is, this is not working anymore." Ramdam ko sa tono ng pananalita niya na parang siguradong-sigurado siya sa mga sinasabi niya. There was a presence of guilt in his eyes as he emphasized these phrases--- "other things" and "not working anymore". My stomach dropped. My eyes squeezed shut for a moment as I tried to absorb the reality of what I just heard.