Our "Little" Secret >>Ziam Ageplay<<

Chapter Three

I hate to be this person, but I'm going to require at least 40 votes on this chapter in order to get the next one. I just want to make sure people are actually reading and enjoying, because if not I can just delete it, yeah? xx

"Zayn?" Liam asked, taking a step into the room and looking around. His eyes landed on the smaller boy with a smile. "The interview's about to start, mate. Are you almost ready?"



Zayn chuckled, looking up into the mirror as Lou added the finishing touches to his quiff. "I think so. Lou's trying to get a bit fancy here, but I believe I'll be allowed up in a moment..." The woman swatted at his arm, and he laughed softly and sat still until she told him he was clear to get up. "Thanks, Lou."



"If you mess that up I'm throwing food in your face the second you get off stage."



Zayn and Liam grinned at each other, both of them starting to walk toward the back of the stage. Nothing was said, but nothing had to be, either. They just strolled along until they were with Harry, Niall, and Louis. It was just another interview that was going to go incredibly well, and while he loved them, he knew they could get annoying sometimes. He just had to brace himself a bit and make sure he didn't say anything that he regretted. If he could survive all of the questions surrounding him and Perrie, he could handle an everyday interview.



Before he knew it, they were being called out, welcomed by the screams of every teenage girl in the room. There were more than usual, but it happened to be a large studio, so he didn't question it. Sometimes they just had to wonder how they didn't literally go deaf from all of the screaming that happened to take place. They found their seats on the large couch provided - he being placed on the very end with Liam to his left side - and smiled out at the crowd, earning even more screams and cries.



The questions, as always, were mostly directed at Harry and Liam. They were the 'stars' of the band, according to the magazines and polls. Not that Zayn minded. He was shy anyway, and allowing the others to answer most of the questions wasn't difficult. It was kind of a relief. He pretended to pay attention the whole time, laughing and smiling when he was supposed to and looking out at the crowd and over at their interviewer when he wasn't. He didn't even know the woman's name; they went through this so many times that anyone he wasn't already familiar with just floated over his head.



Eventually, Zayn's mind started to wander to.... Other things. The store, for example, that had the one aisle he was pretty sure would be like heaven to him if he allowed himself to go down it. How comfortable and warm he had felt lying in bed just a couple of hours before. Yeah, those things were much better than sitting in front of a camera and putting on a façade.



A nudge brought him back to reality. He blushed under the gaze of everyone, running his fingers through his hair nervously. He could practically hear Lou protesting in his head. "I'm sorry, what? I think I just zoned out a bit there."



"We all want to know if you and Perrie are on again!" The woman grinned, gesturing to the screen. When Zayn turned to it, he realized that a picture had been brought up from a few weeks ago when he and Perrie had sat with each other during the premiere of a movie. They were looking at each other and smiling, but other than that, they looked nothing like a couple. It was ridiculous how people could jump to conclusions just from something small like that.



"No, but we're good friends. We still do things together."



She raised an eyebrow, even going as far as to smirk at him. "Really? It seems a little suspicious to me."



Zayn sighed. Honestly, did she really expect him to be lying? It was probably possible, but he was telling the truth. "Harry was there too, actually. Someone must have cut him out of the picture."



Harry looked up as well, laughing a little and pointing to the very edge of the screen, where he had been arriving a bit late. "That's me! It's kind of blurry, but it's still me. Yes, our three-way was amazing, before any of you ask."



The whole studio erupted into laughter, and although Niall elbowed Harry right in the ribs, he had to hold his sides. It was so Harry that they should have expected something like that anyway. It lightened up the mood greatly, and when they sat back against the couch again, all of the rumors concerning Zayn and Perrie seemed to blow over, if only for the moment.



Louis started to answer questions, and once more, Zayn started to zone out. He didn't know why it was happening, but he did know that he couldn't help it no matter how hard he tried to focus. He thought of the award they were up for next month, the new album and the first branch of their new tour... anything that could have kept him thinking about the band. It somehow all led back to him sneaking around behind their backs. He hated thinking about keeping something from them, but if he thought it was weird, they definitely would. There was really no other way of putting it to give him the tiniest bit of hope.



"Zayn," Liam whispered, leaning down into his ear, lips just grazing his skin. "Are you feeling okay?"



"I don't know," He replied after a few seconds, making sure nobody was paying much attention to him. "I don't think so, Li."



Liam wrapped his arm around him and patted his back, silently assuring him that it was going to be alright and it couldn't go on for much longer. He removed his arm - and Zayn's only source of comfort - when he was asked about his girlfriend, and for the rest of the interview the dark-haired boy sat quietly, hands resting in his lap and a small pout on his lips. Finally, just when it seemed like they had been sitting there for a year, they were allowed to stand and head backstage again. It would only be for a few minutes, but it was better than nothing.



Harry and Niall plopped down on the couch in their dressing room, stretching out and looking pleased. Louis ran to the loo and Zayn leaned against the wall. Liam's eyes followed the dark-haired boy worriedly, looking for any signs that he wasn't well, whether it was mentally or physically.



"We can call off the performance, Zee. They'll understand if you don't feel well."



Zayn set his head in his hands. He wanted to go home, but he couldn't let the band down when he wasn't even truly sick. "No... I'll be alright. It's just two songs."



"Are you sure?"



"Positive."



The time came for them to go back out, and Liam made sure that he was close to him just in case he feinted or got sick. He was practically hovering over the smaller lad, not even stopping when Zayn assured him that he was fine. He wasn't, not really, and it was starting to show by the blush on his cheeks and creases in his forehead. Ten minutes left, fifteen at the most. He could do this. He had always managed through before, whether he was sick, tired, or just upset. He was an expert by then.



Their first song, Alive, went perfect. Even Zayn was beaming by the time it was over, knowing that they had absolutely nailed it. It was times like those when it was obvious that all of their hard work was paying off. The screaming and cheering seemed to go on forever, and the five boys basked in it as much as they possibly could, trying to remember for whenever they had their doubts. They were talented and their fans loved them. They had everything they needed. When it was partially quiet again, Harry gave the nod for the next song to begin, and the music started to play.



The thing about performing live is that nothing can be changed. Unlike the recording studio, it wasn't possible to go back and sing a part again, or delete the mistakes. It was a lesson One Direction had learned when they first started performing together. They all messed up at some point, but it was a fact of life. They learned from their mistakes and simply moved on.



If it had been any other day, Zayn wouldn't have reacted so badly. He forgot the next line during his solo, and while it would take a genius to actually know he had made a mistake, it was still the fact that it had happened. He was angry with himself, and he never took criticism lightly either. He held it in until Through the Dark was finished, then was the first to disappear backstage.



"Zayn, love, it wasn't th-" Liam began, only to stop when he saw Zayn staring back at him. His eyes were watery and broken, and a few tears had already managed to slip down his cheeks. He didn't look like the bad boy everyone thought he was.



"I fucked up, Li... I fucked up again. What's wrong with me?"



There was so much hurt behind the words that Liam wouldn't understand. He didn't pretend as if he did like most people would have, and that was one of the reasons Zayn thought he was the most amazing man he had ever met. He didn't ask questions, he just offered the comfort he needed. Liam's strong arms wrapped around him, only tightening their grip when Zayn cried into his shoulder.



"Nothing's wrong with you. You're having an off day, that's all. It happens to the best of us." He soothed, rubbing his back and running his fingers through his hair. Zayn leaned into the touch that the other provided, taking shaky breaths and trying desperately to calm himself down.



"But I was fine earlier! I don't get it. I've never felt so horrible before."



Liam stayed silent for a few moments before mumbling, "Something's been bothering you for a while now, hasn't it? It's why you haven't been talking to me as much. It's just getting to you today, hm?"



Zayn wasn't sure whether to mentally thank or curse Liam. He was too observant, clearly caused by his worrying about Zayn in the first place. He couldn't tell him the whole truth, but he may just be able to tell him part of it... maybe. He would have to suck up some actual courage first. "Can we just go home?" He whispered, tightening his grip on Liam's shirt. "Please..."



"Of course. We can probably beat the crowd if we hurry."



He nodded eagerly, allowing Liam to take his hand and start pulling him toward the back. The fans liked to gather there and wait for all of them to come out together. They would sign autographs and take pictures before they left, but not today. The fans didn't need to see Zayn break down like the weak lad he was inside. A few stopped them, but Liam quickly explained that Zayn felt sick and needed to get home, and the girls nodded understandingly and didn't bother them again. The rest was just a matter of getting into the car and getting their seatbelts on.



The ride was unexpectedly quiet. Liam should have been asking questions pertaining to his strange behavior, but instead he turned on the radio and softly hummed along while paying attention to the road. Zayn awkwardly twiddled his thumbs, eventually clearing his throat so he could speak. "Are you mad at me?"



Liam gave him an odd look. "No. Why would I be?"



"I messed up today. I haven't been talking to you, you said that yourself, and I've been acting weird. I just... I don't want you mad at me, Li. You're the first person I would go to when I needed to talk, and I know you're always there. Please tell me the truth."



Liam stopped at the traffic light, fully using that advantage to turn to Zayn and push his chin up, looking into his eyes. "Of course I'm not mad. I'm worried, but I'm not angry with you."



"Oh," Zayn squeaked, wincing lightly. "I'm sorry for worrying you."



"It's... well, it's not alright, but I understand." He tapped the wheel with his fingertips. "Zee, if there is anything you need to tell me, I would be happy to listen. I won't judge you or say anything rude."



Zayn nodded softly, not really planning on saying anything except a 'thank you'. His mind, however, had very different plans. "Li, I'm gay." He blurted, eyes widening as he processed what had just come out of his mouth. He almost wanted to smack himself, but that would be even weirder than what he had just pushed at his best mate. Liam seemed quite surprised as well. Instead of saying anything, he put his hands back on the wheel and drove through the green light. Zayn nearly felt his heart shatter in his chest.



"I'm sorry," He whispered again, biting down on his lip and taking a shaky breath. They had just pulled into the driveway. "I... I shouldn't have said that. You can forget about it, if you'd like."



Liam parked and turned the engine off, setting his hands in his lap for a few seconds. With no real warning, he erupted into laughter, eyes closing before tears could leak out. The sound was loud enough to make Zayn jump and stare at him as if he was crazy.



What the hell could have been so funny?



"I'm sorry, mate," Liam giggled, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. His face was red, and although it was probably unusual, Zayn had to admit that he was glad to see him so happy. Even if he was laughing at him. "That's just... oh."



"Oh?" Zayn whispered, eyes narrowing a little in confusion. "I... what?"



"Come inside and I'll tell you."



Zayn was speechless. He stumbled out of the car and into their home, heart racing a mile a minute. He had no idea what he was supposed to say! Liam could have been laughing because the thought of sharing a flat with someone gay disgusted him. Or, more likely, he thought he was joking. That would explain how he had been laughing. Liam closed the door behind them and set a hand on Zayn's shoulder. "I'm not laughing at you, babe. I swear, I'm not. It's just... ironic."



His brows furrowed. "I don't get it. What's ironic?"



"I'm gay too."



Silence fell upon them, but Zayn was grateful for it. It prevented him having to ask stupid questions, like, "Are you kidding?" No, he just held it all in and scanned Liam's face for any signs of lying. There was nothing but truth hidden in his features.



"I... what? Since when?" He finally got out, shaking his head. "You and Sophia are together!"



Liam blushed at that. "No... not really. She's my beard. You were engaged, remember."



"Well... yeah," Zayn finally pouted, leaning back against the counter. It was still difficult to believe. Liam, his Liam liked boys just like he did. He never would have suspected that. He supposed it made sense, now that he really put his mind to it. He had been with Danielle and went to Sophia as soon as Dani found out she was pregnant. That couldn't have been a coincidence. "I can't really believe it."



"Believe it, babe."



Zayn looked up and grinned. "That was more complicated than it should have been. Holy shit." He checked the time, finding even more surprise bubbling inside of him. His urges had actually managed to go away for almost an hour. That was more than he had expected. "We should probably be getting to bed."



"It's seven-thirty..." Liam gave him an odd look. "But if you're tired, go ahead. I'll see you in the morning."



He eagerly nodding, quickly returning the goodnight before hurrying to his room and closing the door. The stack of nappies in his closet was quickly depleting, and he knew he would have to make up some excuse to sneak out and go get more soon. He picked one off the top and pulled his clothes off, leaving him naked. He did what he normally chose to do and lay down on his back on the top of his bed. It was easier that way, and honestly, he liked looking at himself in the mirror a few feet away throughout the process. It made him feel... little. The last thing he needed was his pacifier, and he pulled it out of his drawer and started to suck on it while he fastened up the tapes. It looked perfect.



The next part he didn't really like, but that was only because it was the task of covering his nappied state. He grabbed the sweats from the floor and pulled them over his ankles, making sure they were comfortable before he pulled them up farther. He had just brought the top over his knees when he heard the door open and footsteps enter. There was a gasp of breath, and then, in little more than a whisper, Zayn heard, "What the hell?"



He was so fucked.