CHAPTER 5 - "I don't trust you, I can't"

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Bellamy’s wound was getting better but he still needed to rest a little while longer so I decided to go grab some wood for a campfire. It was the end of the afternoon. We spent the last hours resting in silence, what he had just said to me was repeated in my head. I really wanted to believe him, believe that he would've saved me anyway. I tried to make him less guilty than he was, to convince myself he was a good guy after all, who deserved to be saved.

“Officer … hum … Bellamy, I’m going to grab some wood for tonight’s fire.” He looked at me with a crocked smile.

“There’s no way you’re going to the forest alone, I might be hurt but not completely dumb.” He started to stand and I was too tired to argue with him, he seemed to be older than me anyway so he could make his own damn decision. I didn’t say anything and we started walking.

Even with his wound he was walking as fast as me. He had brought his gun and he noticed I couldn’t stop staring so he stopped and raised his eyebrows.

“What is it Clarke? You’re scared that I’m going to shoot you?” He lifted his shirt and took his weapon. “Here. Do you want to have it, so you’ll be sure I won’t do something crazy?”

 Do you want to have it, so you’ll be sure I won’t do something crazy?”

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I said no with my head, always a few steps back from the gun. “Do you want me to drop the bullets?” I saw that I was embarrassing him so I decided to tell him.

“It’s not really smart of me to tell you that, considering the fact that your people just slaughtered mine but … Grounders don’t use guns. I guess … I guess you saw that on the hill.” I saw him bow his head again so I kept talking. “It’s an ancient history actually, there were people who lived in Mount Weather, next to Arkadia’s location, and we were in war against them for several decades. Many casualties due to guns, our people had been tortured and persecuted. Today my people are afraid, afraid to live this kind of war. Your people are living where we buried a thousand of our warriors. I need to understand what happened, why this massacre, why now?”

“You could've just said that you don’t like guns.” But he saw I wasn’t joking and that the situation in Arkadia was worrying me. “So I bet you want to go to Arkadia, that’s why you were so eager to keep me alive, so I can provide you a safe passage.”

There wasn’t a real accusation in his tone but enough to make me react.

“Calling each other by our names is not erasing the fact that you were a part of a massacre which killed an entire village. I’m the Queen of Polis, my duty is to my people and yes I needed you to go to Arkadia. What did you expect? That we could hold hands, have a heart to heart, that I trust you? I don’t trust you, I can’t.”

His eyes turned dark and he stopped walking

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His eyes turned dark and he stopped walking. He took my arm and attracted me against him. I looked at him angry, who did he thought he was to treat me like that? I was about to reply but he put his hand on my mouth and tackled me against a tree. Our hearts were beating faster. I didn’t understand what he was doing, he didn’t stopped looking around us. He let his hand slowly slipped on my neck.

“What the hell are you doing?!” 

“Shhh, keep your voice down. This is not a joke.” He said.

I didn’t understand any of this so I violently pushed him back and started walk back. Bellamy grabbed my arm and said:

“Clarke no! Listen to me, there’re people here, Skaikru soldiers if I believe what I hear.”

“And then what? This is exactly where I want to go, so let me!”

“You don’t understand, the minute they see you they'll shoot you. And me with you.” He saw I wasn’t following him so he turned embarrassed and explained.

“I fled after the attack which means I’m a deserter, I’m being hunted down now, with a price on my head, and so have you by the way. What the new chancellor wants is power, lands, so what’s better than having a Polis Queen as hostage?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I was busy trying not to die and you never mentioned you wanted to go to Arkadia until five minutes ago!” His sarcasm was making me crazy. I was in a mess like I’ve never been before. I’m stuck in the forest, with a target on my back, forced to hide with a murderer of my own people. How could I screw up so badly in such a little time?

Suddenly we heard the noise getting closer. I could discern the radios and the sound of their weapons in the leaves. Bellamy made us hide in a bush and we stayed there quickly without blinking. He winced, his wound was still painful. He was still protecting me, even after what I said to him. Slowly I was starting to believe what he had said about him saving me even if I’m the Queen. The noises were just in front of us, Bellamy was touching his gun like he wasn’t sure he had to use it.

“Bellamy …” I said putting my hand on his, when he felt it, he quivered.

“You don’t have to, don’t use it.” He nodded and quickly took my hand. He tightened it when his breathing became faster. He felt that I wasn’t that calm either so he made our hands intertwine.

“We’re in this together, I’m not leaving you, no matter what we said to each other.” His words were warming my heart and made me feel safe again. But I knew what that meant, we were going to fight.

Without asking for permission I decided to rise first

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Without asking for permission I decided to rise first. I made a few steps away from the bush and I heard a trigger, I turned slowly hands up and then, I saw.


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