CHAPTER 4 - "Would you've still saved me?"

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A fresh waft came to wake me up. I fell asleep next to him, which was strange because I usually never sleep next to someone except Lexa. But with everything that was going on I thought that I was too tired to really care where I was or who I was with. When I opened my eyes, my head was on his shoulder. That scared me! I slept one night out of the tower and I wasn't able to behave myself. I rubbed my eyes and stood up to face the rising sun, it was truly beautiful. A groan took me out of this peaceful moment. I turned and saw the soldier touching his wound, he was still bleeding. I came quickly to him, and got his hand off him.

"Officer! You need to rest, this is not a good time, your wound looks worse. If you keep touching it, it's going to get infected and there'll be nothing I could do for you." He rolled his eyes and said in a breath.

"There's nothing you can do for me anyway, I already told you to leave me here. You have much better to do than take care for a stupid officer who is unable to defend himself ..." He started coughing and every time was worse than the previous one, the knife might've touched a part of his rib cage so it was painful for him to breathe. Without paying attention to what he just said, I started to change his bandage but his hand found its way on mine, he slowly pressed it and looked me in the eyes. His hand was wet, his mouth was quivered but all I could see were his deep brown eyes.

"Your majesty ... I know I couldn't ever say something that will change what happened on this hill, but ... I just want you to know that I will give everything to change it. I'm just an officer, and I know that beside you or my generals my voice means nothing but ... I didn't know about their plan for the Trikru village, I wasn't allot to this mission in the first place, I just ended up here and ... I followed the orders ... I wish I was strong enough to ..."

I stopped him by putting my hand on his shoulder, he looked at it and then drowned again his eyes into mine. What am I supposed to do with these eyes ... I didn't want to blame him but I couldn't act like nothing ever happened. And beyond everything all I wanted to do was snuggle into his arms and convince myself I had the right to. He had soothed me in a way that I couldn't even describe, but that was what I needed right now. All of these thoughts were floating in my mind while I was taking care of his wound and it felt so wrong. I wished Lexa could be here to help me. I quickly stood up and made a few steps back, I looked away to erase all of this on my mind. I could feel his look on me.

"Did I do something wrong?" he said.

"No ... it's just, you're right. I can't pretend nothing happened, I can't be here. I have responsibilities, I should go back ... But I can't leave you here ..."

"I told you, you owe me nothing

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"I told you, you owe me nothing." He couldn't think I was going to let a man who saved my life die and just walk away.

"I'm not leaving you here! You might be able to watch people die but I can't!" I just realized what I had said. God I was so stupid. I bit my lips and slowly turned, he wasn't looking at me, his eyes were closed. I came closer and crouched in front of him, I was about to open my mouth to speak but I noticed something. He wasn't breathing anymore.

I didn't want to freak out, I'd seen many wounded men through the battles in Polis, who looked so much worse than him, running on the battlefield for hours. He couldn't be dead. I put my ear closer to his chest, I couldn't hear his heart beats. Okay Clarke, I thought, you know what you need to do, think about what the nurses used to do in Polis, remember, remember!

"So opening the mouth, putting your hands on the heart of the victim ..." I was about to remove my ear from his chest when I felt a little breath on my neck. He slowly opened his dark eyes and his hand was looking for a touch. His lips were moving but no sound was getting out. His face came closer to mine, he didn't stopped blinking his eyes.

"Your majesty? What happened?" He was lost so I took his hand into mine's to make him feel my presence.

"Clarke please, my name is Clarke. You're okay now, I'm not leaving you." Knowing he was safe was putting a ridiculous smile on my face, I hoped he had seen it so he could know he was safe too. He didn't retorte when I said I would stay by his side. We both remained quiet for long minutes, then I saw he was doing better so I decided to talk about more important things than how we were going to call each other.

"I have to ask, why were you alone in Windblow?" Strangely he didn't refuse to answer or make me wait a long time.

"After the hill, we all went down to Arkadia, the chancellor gave his ... speech, and everyone went home to their family. But honestly I couldn't face my sister considering what I had done; so I walked away to clear my mind. I saw a grounder and my first instinct was to hide but then I saw you and I guess I saw it as a chance to do something good ... to make things right by protecting someone ..." I stopped him and asked with firmness:

"If you had known I was the queen, would you've still saved me?" For once I supported his look and I acted as a queen. Because since I'd meet him I'd been so many things except who I am supposed to be. He wasn't scared, ashamed or angry. In that moment, he was placid and without a moment of hesitation he said:

"Yes."

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