A Bucket List for Ella

Chapter 1

"Gee, thanks Nico," I said.

Once we finished our food, Nico put his headphones in and drifted off to sleep. I shifted in my seat, reached into my back pocket and pulled out the wrinkled and stained paper that was my bucket list. One quarter of the back of the paper was stained bright blue from rubbing against the denim of my jeans. Slowly I opened it up, the folds of the paper crumpling in protest.

I examined the list.

Number one: travel to Australia - check.

Number two: jump off a pier...I think that could be done in Australia, right? With my fear of the ocean, it was hard to remember why I had even put this on the list. Maybe it was because everyone in books and movies did it, and it looked so hopelessly romantic.

Number three: fall madly in love... I sighed. That one could take awhile. I had only ever dated one guy, in sophomore year, and it wasn't even that we became an item. It was more like we went on two dates, I decided he was a nut and then I didn't talk to him after that.

Number four: get stuck somewhere fun at night. How the hell was I supposed to do that? I just felt like it was something that sounded fun, like that movie where the guy and the girl get stuck in the mall. Shaking my head, I moved onto the next one.

Number five: learn how to ski. Were there mountains in Australia? I didn't think so. The questions that ran through my mind made me laugh. How could I even think that half this list would be possible? But I moved on.

Number six: feel beautiful. Something I had never truly felt before. All my life, I was a Plain Jane, not really standing out in any way. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't gorgeous either. Now, I was the epitome of bland, ugly, and strange.

Number seven: go for a walk in the rain. That shouldn't be too hard. Because of the cancer I had become so fragile that no one wanted to let me outside – but I wanted to take a legitimate walk in the rain; actually go out willingly when it was raining and take a walk.

Number eight: fold 1000 paper cranes. There was a Japanese saying I once heard, that it you folded a thousand paper cranes you'd get to make a wish. I didn't know what I would wish for. Maybe to get rid of cancer once and for all, but I felt that in a way, that was wasting a wish, because it wasn't like it was really going to happen.

Number nine: spend my entire savings in one day. Being an only child, I got my parents' entire inheritance. I knew when they were alive that we were well off, but when they died I learned the true extent of how far that inheritance could get me. Since my godparents paid for my living and eating, all I was stuck with was my personal needs (clothes, books, etc) and my cancer treatment bills. That aside, I pretty much had enough money to get me through the next eight to ten years. So I figured, hey, why not just blow off my own savings, the money I had made from work pre-cancer, in one day?

Number ten: conquer cancer. I had nothing to think about this one.

Absentmindedly, I picked up my little square dinner napkin and started folding it. A few minutes later, I had made a paper crane. It sat on the tray table staring at me, and I stared back.

"999 more," I said quietly to myself.

***

Baggage claim was a nightmare. People bustled around everywhere, and amongst them was me, getting jostled around in the action.