Patting myself on the back I praise myself for keeping strong. I didn't give in to Noah's puppy dog eyes or Mitch's constant looks and sad smiles. I didn't even give in to Kayden's intense looks and broken face and I am definately praising myself for resisting the secret cookies that kept being left in my locker, bag and on my table that I'm sure were from Finn.
Just seeing their faces made me want to walk over and hug them. This has been the longest time EVER that we have not spoken. Sure Noah and I didn't talk for two years but he moved away and that became complicated but with the rest of the guys I have never went one day without talking to them but I had to push past the feeling on longing and walk on past and continue on to my classes.
It got even harder in class when I could feel their eyes on me especially sitting next to Noah for a full period of class but I couldn't give in and talk to them. I don't even know what I want to say to them. Sure I want to get everything straightened out but I can't let them think that I'm willing to forgive them so easily. Maybe tomorrow.
Now I'm currently chilling out at my spot in the gardens with my back resting against the stone bench reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" for my English class while I eat my tuna sandwich and drink Diet Coke.
"Sorry I didn't realise anyone was out here" says a male voice I'm not use to. Looking up I realise it's Milo and smile. He's on the track team and in my English class. "Oh hey Holly its you. Catching up on some reading?" He asks nodding towards my book.
"Yea, I realised today that I hadn't picked it up yet and we have an essay due in a couple of weeks." I say with a sigh and watch him walk towards me.
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" He asks pointing to the space beside me
"Su- Sure!" I stutter high pitched and blushing. I'm not use to talking to guys outside our group, in fact I avoid it at all cost incase they make fun of me or something. I struggle to make conversation with people I don't know so this is unusual for me. Get out of my comfort zone I think. Well this is definately out there Libby will be very impressed.
"Thanks" he says sitting down taking his sandwich and water out of his bag. "I'm Milo by the way" he says smiling at me.
"I know that Milo"
"You do?" He gawks with a confused expression.
"Of course your on the track team and in my English class. Why would I not know you?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
"It's just because you keep yourself to yourself and don't hang around with anyone else apart from Libby and those guys from the soccer team" I states
"I'm not much of a people person" I laugh trying to break the awkwardness I was feeling.
"No one usually comes out here how did you find this place?" He asks taking a bite of his lunch.
" I use to come here a lot when the cafeteria got too much for me. I love the smell of Mr Gibsons roses. Plus it's hidden away so no one really bothers me" I say with a smile "how do you know about this place?"
"I helped the Home Ec department build the vegetable gardens and greenhouse and then liked the quietness of being just far enough away from the school building" he says looking over at me.
"I love how they grow their own fruit and veg." I say trying to stop an awkward silence but it still comes.
"You guys look like you have a strong team for this season." He states crumbling up his empty foil and putting it back in his bag.
"Yea, we are the strongest we've been in a few years I hope we can make it to the top. We have our first friendly against Springvale on Saturday then we can see where our strengths and weaknesses are and improve before the start of the season the week after." I say excitedly.
"You really enjoy hockey don't you?" He asks
"Yea, I love being able to forget about everything and focus on what's happening then and there. What about you? how's your training going for the track season?" Why am I telling him this?
"It's good, coach is being so strict this year hoping we can get to State. It would be amazing to get the Championship but I just do it because I love the freedom I feel when I run only focusing on my breathing and the pounding of my feet. I guess we both enjoy the escape" he says distracted looking me in the eyes.
"Yea" I whisper as the word got caught in my throat from the emotions I could see playing in Milo's unusual eyes Sadness? Worry? I couldn't work it out but it made me want to comfort him. Maybe track means more than an escape for him?
Looking at him I noticed that although he had blue eyes his right one was half blue half brown, along with his closely shaved head, tanned skin and sharp features he was strikingly beautiful. Why have I never noticed before? Thinking about this I realise I have never really looked at the guys in this school probably because they have never bothered with me but I also think it's mainly due to always being with the guys, they make me feel safe and wanted that I've never felt the need to seek attention from anyone else plus I had resounded myself to the fact that no one would look twice at me anyway.
A throat clearing makes me realise that I've been staring at Milo without saying anything. Red faced I laugh "sorry I just realised how beautiful your eyes are" reaching out as if to touch his face I quickly pull my hand back. what was that Holly? " sorry" I say again with a face like a tomato putting my hands safely in my lap.
Feeling two fingers under my chin raising it I look up to see Milo smiling at me "it's ok Holly don't look embarrassed, people usually look at me weird because of my eyes but I liked the way you looked at me" he says with a shy smile.
Feeling flustered I look away and start to pack my bag. "The bells is about to go we should head back over" I say standing up dusting myself off.
"Yea your right. A'll walk you over" standing up and collecting his rubbish Milo walks beside me out of the gardens towards the school building. Milo stops and so do I looking over at him " what have you got now?" He asks
"Psychology. You?" I say playing with the ends of my hair
"Music. Means I'm the opposite building from you." He says with a somber expression "I enjoyed lunch with you" he says distracted rummaging in his bag pulling out a pen and a scrap of paper writing something on it handing it to me "if you fancy some company next time you go send me a text and a'll join you" he says shyly.
"Tha-Thanks I'd like that" I stutter out blushing. man alive I've been red faced for most of this lunchtime. Feeling bold I rip a bit of the paper off and write my number down handing it to him with shaking fingers"incase you go before me and want some company" I say blushing.
"Definately" I says excitedly, stepping closer he hugs me. "See you soon Holly" and then he turns and heads to the other building.
"Bye" I say into the wind. What just happened? I am never usually that bold. I shouldn't have given him my number that was too forward. Looking down at my hand I read his number and smile to myself. Libby is going to blow her top when I tell her about lunch.
Turning to walk toward Psychology I feel like I'm being watched and look up to see four pairs of eyes watching me. looking between them I can see a mixture of hurt, sadness, anger and confusion. I don't know what to do so I just look down and carry on walking. They have no right to be mad with me I haven't done anything wrong but why do I feel guilty about what just happened with Milo?
Bing
Unknown: looking forward to our next secret garden lunch. M x
Smiling I realise I'm looking forward to it too, it was nice to have some attention outside of my guys.
Maybe coming out of my comfort zone will be good for me right enough.
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Ignorance was Bliss (Random Updates)
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