Ignorance was Bliss (Random Updates)

Year to remember

What have I got to loose it can't be any worse than how the year has started and doing things I've never done before with my best friend should be fun. "Why the hell not! Count me in bestie!

"YES!" She stretches and claps her hands together. "This will be good for you Holly, you have missed out on the high school experience being a hermit. It's time to get yourself out their and enjoy yourself and do things that make YOU happy!" She says nudging my shoulder "got it?"

"Bring . It. On!" I shout jumping on my bed.

"You okay Holly? You've hardly touched your breakfast"  Mum asks.

"Yea am okay, just tired" I say trying to smile

"What's going on? Is it because your dad cancelled again?" She asks sitting down with me at the breakfast counter.

"That's a little bit of it" I say playing with my scrambled eggs.

"You know what he's like when it comes to her, she's got him by the balls" mum says laughing but theirs no humour in it. She doesn't like talking about Dad and Carol since everything happened and I can't blame her. It must be horrendous to love someone completely to then find out that they had been seeing someone else and ruined your marriage.

"Please don't talk about Dad's balls again" I grimace and shiver

"Duly noted" she says with a smirk "so if it's not your dad then what is it?"

"I don't really want to talk about it" I say pushing my plate away from me.

"Is it something that's going to get better" she asks

"I hope so " I say truthfully. I stand up and clean my plate and wash it. "I'm heading back upstairs for a bit since I don't need to go meet my Dad. "

"Okay Holly, but if you want to talk about it please come to me" Mum states smiling

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"Are you going to be turning your phone on anytime soon?" Poppy asks walking into my room holding her phone "cause i love the guys n all but I am seriously getting pissed at them, they keep calling to ask how you are and asking if I will tell you to call them. What's going on Hols, you can talk to me. Max said that Kayden hasn't came out of his room since he got back from Noah's on Saturday and when he goes in to try and talk to him he doesn't say a word" she sits on my bed looking at me with pleading eyes.

"It's such a long story and I can't really be bothered going into it right now." I say looking away

"No way, you don't get to do that." She stands staring at me "You promised me after two years ago that you wouldn't shut me out! You said you would always be honest with me that's why I tell you everything even if it is embarrassing or bad I always tell you and you help me. Let me help you Holly" she says standing up with her hands on her hips growling at me.

" it's just so complicated I don't even know where to start and I'm so angry" I huff.

"How about you start from the beginning and we take it from there?" She asks sitting down on my bed again facing me holding my hand.

Do i want to talk about it? Do I want to say it out loud because then it's out their and it's real? But if I don't talk to someone I think I might go a little bit crazy! I want to know if what I feel is normal and if my reaction was appropriate.

With my decision made I sit and tell Poppy everything, I don't leave anything out even though I get embarrassed because she's right I can't shit her out.

"And then I got out the car and didn't look back, even though I really wanted to" I finish blowing out a big breath feeling exhausted.

"Wow!" Poppy says with her mouth hanging ajar "I mean I knew Kayden had feelings for you and Noah obviously after what you told me but all of them? Wow! You are so lucky. Well I, well you, never mind you know what I mean. They're SO HOT but the situation is complicated!" She says staring at me wide eyed.

"Yea they are really good looking and like I said I've had crushes on all of them and to be honest I think I never got over them because when they get close to me or when we are alone I feel drawn to them and the things they make me feel...well let's not discuss that!" I say with my face the colour of a tomato.  "So what should I do now"

"I think you have been right to switch your phone off I give you that and I think you are right to want some space, so maybe you should just tell that that you will come to them when you feel ready so they back off from calling you...and me?" Poppy suggests.

"Yea I think you're right" I says looking for my phone on the floor. I turn it on and I am bombarded with over thirty messages. Ignoring them I start a new text message:

Message to 4 contacts: I know that you want to speak with me to talk through everything but right now that's not what I want. I will speak to all of you when I think I have calmed down enough to think straight and not kick you in the balls! H x

Not waiting for a reply I turn my phone back off and decide to have a chilled movie day with Poppy and eat our body weight in ice cream. "So tell me about your date." I ask. She doesn't need anymore prompting and tells me about her fantastic official first date with Max.

Once we settle down to watch the movie I realise I need to call Libby and hear how hers went as well.

Picking up my phone I turn it on and wait for it to start up, I put in the code and once it stops with incoming messages I mark them all as read so that the icon disappears and I don't have to read them.

Message to Libby: how was last night? Xx

Libby 👯: look who's back in the land of technology lol! It was AMAZING!! 😍 I will call you later and tell you all about it xxx ps did you speak to the guys?

Message to Libby: Nope, I sent them all a message to tell them to leave me alone until I go to them to give me and Poppy some peace lol speak to you later xxx

Libby 👯: 🙄 ok xxx

"Did you decide to talk to them?" Poppy asks rolling on to her back to face me.

"No, I was just asking Libby how her date went last night, she said it was amazing. I knew it would be they're gonna be so cute together" I say whistfully.

"Now the only person needing to start getting herself on dates is you" Poppy says poking me in the stomach with her toe.

Swatting it away I laugh sarcastically "ha ha yea when pigs fly P. I've given up on guys. I will just wait until College and even then might stay well clear. From what's happened recently it's too much hard work. I'm so tired from not sleeping, overthinking everything and worrying things won't go back to how it was with the guys. Could you imagine if I was actually dating one of them after all this time?" I say with a frown.

"Just like you said to me Hols, you were already dating them to an extent it would just be putting a label on it" she smirks mimicking my voice.

"Well right now labels are not happening" I say turning back to the movie. Poppy turns back onto her stomach to continue watching the movie too knowing I'm not up for further discussion right now.

I need to find out if we are even still friends let alone anything else first.