𝕥𝕖 𝕒𝕞𝕠ღ // 𝕤𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕝 𝕥𝕠 𝔽𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝔹𝕦𝕕𝕕𝕚𝕖𝕤 (ON HOLD)

thirty-five

it was silent and my heart was racing. horrible thoughts of my baby being harmed is eating me alive. and my thoughts got worse when the doctor paused on a part of my stomach and leaned towards the screen with a very concerned look.

she blinked once and then walked to the door, calling for some nurses. "we need to get her down to the OR." the doctor said, throwing her stethoscope from her shoulders and lowered the part to my belly as the nurses started unhooking shit.

she shook her head and then nodded at the nurses who started rolling me towards the doors. "what- what are you guys doing? whats wrong?" no one answered me, just mixed answers about doctor words i couldnt understand.

and then i heard the words 'still born' and 'miscarriage'. which turned my heart inside out and put it in a block of ice. they kept running through multiple numbers and lots of things i didnt understand which frustrated me.

"someone tell me whats happening with my baby!" i exclaimed, looking at my doctor with pleading eyes. we busted through the operating room doors and i was slid next to another bed.

the doctor and all the nurses took the sheets and i was being slid over to the slightly larger bed, with all kinds of crazy things. then she turned to me. "you're baby doesn't have a pulse, and that means we need to get it out of there. we have two choices, you can try birthing it out, which is what could've happened in your bedroom if you didn't come when you did, or we could cut it out as in a c-section. the birth would be induced, obviously. but the decision is up to you. the quicker the better." that made tears swell up in my eyes.

it was a tough decision. birth out your basically dead baby or get it cut from your stomach, leaving a huge scar which wasn't one of attractiveness. "i don't want the c-section." call me selfish but i'll accept when it's an emergency.

with that, the doctor nodded and there was an iv being put into my arm. a male nurse was doing it and was extremely concentrated. "this is the fluid to help induce actual labor. it will help and hopefully, it'll be done and over with before you know it." he gave me a smile and then looked up at the monitor i was hooked to.

he backed away and then there was a blue sheet being thrown over my legs and then i was being instructed to put my legs up to be in the little foot holders. within seconds there was another sharp pain in my stomach, just like earlier and i was giving birth to a baby with no pulse.

it took what felt like hours, years, since i was only thirty four weeks, or eight-ish months. i cried the whole time, mostly because i was terrified and the pain was worse than what my screams would account for. i was so fucking scared and so alone, i didn't know what to do. my hands were clamped around the bed rails as this all happened, my knuckles white just from how much it hurt. i was NOT expecting this.

what was Nate going to think? was he going to accuse me of hurting our baby or was he going to understand that i didn't have anything to do with this. or at least i think i didn't. what if he overreacted and vowed never to see me again? that thought made me feel sick. i loved him and i wanted this all to work, with or without a baby holding us together.

was that what we were heading too if i weren't in this hospital right now? the baby growing full term and then delivering it only to have one real purpose, to keep Nate and i stable, sane and together? thats horrible!

and within the minute it took me to think about that possibility, i felt a release and the doctor let out a gasp. i think it was over. but there was no cry, and they all immediately fled to the corner of the room that had a small clear box.

i watched with tear filled eyes as they looked down at my baby. it was so small, so premature and it made me feel sad. my first pregnancy, i did everything right. the prenatal care, the eating right, exercising moderately so id stay in shape and healthy. i felt so amazing during these past months and it was so painful to not know what was going on.

The doctor started doing something down there, an exam i suppose. i have been late with my gynecologist visits lately, but that was only a brief thought before i was overcome by sadness. i didn't have a child anymore, it was dead and was dead while inside of me. was it because of me?

was it something i ate? i had a fully cooked meal that included shrimp, but those were over cooked and i don't think a parasite could act that quickly... could it?

my thoughts were put to rest for a second when i felt my limbs levitate in the air. when i looked down, they were lying at my side but they felt like i was reaching upwards. my muscles became weak and i felt my eyes close just the slightest. a lightness went through my head, feeling as if my brain was floating in the ocean. i felt like i was in the ocean, rocking with the waves. "what's wrong with my baby?" i breathed out, closing my eyes some more as my head fell to the side. my eyes closed and every muscle in my body was going limp.

my chest felt like it was barely moving, casting a heavier pressure over me than before. my brain was trying to scream for oxygen, but i wasn't even sure i was awake. beside me, the monitor tracking me started beeping loudly. "She's hemorrhaging!" their voices all jumbled together as they shouted. the started injecting things into my IV while placing an oxygen mask over my face.

my hearing faded, my eyesight finally faded and soon my eyes were drawing to a close. there were some pokes and needles before it all went blank.

A/N- Cliffhanger!!! Due to many requests, I am updating early. I haven't fully finished editing this chapter but that's okay! It's good enough to put out for all those who want to know what happens next!! -M