One For The Road ✔ | A short novella |

17. San Francisco

Chapter Seventeen

San Francisco

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"And there's gold falling from the ceiling of this world. Falling from the heartbeat of this girl. Falling from the things we should have learned." Angus & Julia Stone - Jessie

San Francisco, 10am, September 1st

Jessie

It's typical of Ellis to decide half an hour before the coach arrives to pick us up for our day long trip to Muir woods and the other side of San Fran that he wants to talk.

Apparently the silence is killing him.

I don't really have it in me to talk so early in the morning, especially not after a rotten nights sleep and all the crying and anger but I also don't have it in me to fight back. 

All the lies and covering up have worn me down. I'm surprised I've got the energy enough to be upright. All I want to do is bury my head and wake up in a different reality. 

I did a half arsed job of that yesterday, though I came back earlier than I'd have liked due to the worry that Ellis might come looking for me or get the police or worse, my parents involved to track me down. When I did sulk back into our depressing hotel room, I shut myself in the bathroom for a soak that turned into four hours of avoiding 'more talk'. 

Until, I started to worry about trench foot and my skin falling off. And I might not want to be here, with Ellis or in my head or this situation but I sure don't want to die in a bathtub in a dirty hotel. 

"Jessie, can you give me five minutes, please, that's all I ask," Ellis says. His eyes are all dark, like he didn't sleep well either. I wouldn't know, I slept in the tub with a towel for a pillow and duvet.

"It's going to take longer than five minutes to change my mind that you're a liar."

He sighs heavily and perches on the edge of the bed. "Please, just listen and then that's it, okay?"

I shuffle closer but make do with standing. "Two minutes. We have to be outside in three."

"Okay. Alright."

"Go on then, shower me in excuses." I know I'm being difficult but he's lied. He's strung me along this entire time. And he's had so many chances to tell me or drop hints. 

A part of me can understand, to some degree that it must be hard to come out and say it but this way seems cruel. How could I have been so blissfully unaware like a fool?

Ellis has let me say and feel stuff that I'd never have if he'd told me, but then that's the whole point isn't it? He knows full well that none of this would have happened between us if he'd been truthful and told me all about his plans to disappear half way up the country. 

"I was worried about how you'd react, firstly, because I know it would upset you," he begins, slowly, giving me puppy dog eyes and a flick of his hair. I remain unmoved by both gestures. "And secondly because you'd probably be mad at me. So mad that you might not want to talk or have anything to do with me after."

"So you decided to wait until after we'd kissed and what...fucked? Some how that would be a better time to tell me?" Oh god. I hate the way I sound but my adrenaline's kicked in and I can't stop myself. 

"Jessie! You keep saying that but I've already told you - I've wanted to be with you for pretty much as along as I can remember. Kissing you and taking this to the next level was never just a 'bit of fun'. I care about you."