Slow It Down • August Alsina • COMPLETED

Problems & Selfless : Problems

Told y'all I wouldn't have you guys waiting toooo long. Read, vote, comment, and enjoy my loves! - Keiana

Problems & Selfless

Problems:

Fallon Williams

"Girl, I am so full." Nadia groaned as she plopped down on my couch.

"I swear, that food was good as hell." I shook my head as I walked towards my bedroom. She'd come over to watch the second episode of Love and Hip Hop with me, but I needed to take a shower before that could happen.

"I'll be back."

"I'll be here, raiding your cabinets."

I laughed and closed the door to the bathroom so I could take my shower. I pulled off my shirt and looked at my stomach in the mirror. It wasn't big or anything, right now I just looked really full.

I couldn't imagine myself growing and getting bigger though, oh God no.

I turned on the water and waited for it to heat up while I undressed, and pinned my hair up so it wouldn't get wet.

I turned on 'Nights' off of Frank Ocean's long ass awaited album Blonde, and hopped in the tub, pulling the spout so the water came out the shower head, and started washing myself.

I sang along with Frank as I let the water wash the soap off of me, and I turned off the water. "Staying with you when I didn't have an address, fucking on you when I didn't have a mattress. Yasss Frank."

I stepped out the shower and dried off my skin so I wouldn't freeze to death before walking to my room. "Rolling marijuana, that's a cheap vacation, every night shit, every day shit, every night shit."

I kept singing until I had lotioned my skin and put on a oversized t-shirt from my club.

"Is it on yet?" I questioned as I walked back into the front room, where Nadia was sitting on the couch, with all my abortion pamphlets in her hand.

"Fallon, is there something you wanna tell me?" Her eyebrow raised, and she started waving the papers around in my face, like I couldn't see, like they weren't mine.

"No, do you wanna tell me why you were being nosey?"

"Cause you're my best friend and what's yours is mine, now bitch, are you pregnant?"

I plopped down on the couch and tucked my feet underneath me. "Since you wanna be nosey, figure it out yourself." I shrugged.

I watched her face twist in confusion, and then sadness, as her common sense came to her. "You weren't gonna tell me?"

"No, there's no point. You see I'm not keeping it."

"It? That's you and August's creation, not an it. That's your baby!" Nadia exclaimed, forcing me to roll my eyes.

This is why I wasn't gonna say anything. To anyone. Everyone was being so emotional and connected to something that was actually connected and growing inside of me, not them, but everyone seemed to have a huge opinion.

Were they gonna have an opinion when I couldn't love my child the way a mother was supposed to? Were they gonna wanna help then? When it was too late, and I couldn't just give my baby away? No.

So they needed to leave me alone now.

I shook my head. "Just leave it be."

"Does August know that this is what you're thinking about?"

"Mhm."

"And he's okay with it?"

"Mhm, he's gonna have to be."

She just shook her head and stared at me in astonishment. "What happened to you sis? Who hurt you?"

"No one, just drop it, okay? I got it under control." I stood up, getting an instant bad taste in my mouth, and walked over to where she was sitting, grabbing the pamphlets from beside her, and going into my room.

I didn't even wanna watch Love and Hip Hop anymore. Fuck love.

•

I woke up the next morning and walked out into the living room expecting Nadia to be sprawled out on the couch, but the apartment was empty. I shrugged it off and went to the kitchen to get some strawberries, I'd been thinking about these all night.

I washed them and brought them back to my room, crawling back into my bed, and propping myself up on the pillow so I could see the TV mounted on the wall.

I turned it on and went to my DVR, scrolling through my recordings to the episode of Love and Hip Hop I'd missed.

I started the episode and unlocked my phone to make my appointment for the clinic. After I'd went to my room, I looked up all the clinics and their reviews and prices, and I decided on a small clinic maybe thirty five minutes from where I lived bag could accommodate me.

Insurance didn't help with things like this, of course, so I was gonna pay out of pocket right on the spot. They charged depending on how far along you were, so I wasn't expecting too much for this appointment, definitely under $500.

"Welcome to Women's Choice clinic, what can I help you with?" The receptionist answered pleasantly, making my smile. Finally someone not trying to sound all judgmental and preachy.

"Hi, I was looking to see the next available appointment you have?"

"For what day?"

"Whenever's closest."

"And what service are you looking to get with us?"

"Pregnancy termination."

"Okay, hold on." She told me, and I could hear her nails brushing against the keyboard as she looked up dates.

I hope they had something soon. I was tired of waiting, tired of feeling like this.

"We have one open for Friday at 10, if that's not too close for you?"

"No that's perfect, Friday at ten you said?" I pulled the phone away from my ear and put it on speaker so I could type the appointment into my calendar, even though I knew I wouldn't forget.

"Alright, just let me get your information and you'll be all set for Friday."

I hung up and let a sigh of relief out. I finally had a day, now I just had to wait, and then everything would go back to normal. My thoughts, my dreams, my life.

I'd been having weird dreams that caused me to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and shook to the point where I couldn't fall back asleep. There was always a woman, the same woman, and she was pregnant, and always crying. Then there was this man, and he was just so angry and negative, and I could feel the heat and rage radiating off of him every time.

He was disgusted with her and her baby, and that broke her heart every time I saw her. He rejected and denied her of the joy that she was rightfully supposed to feel. A child was supposed to be a blessing.

My thoughts stopped when I felt my phone vibrate underneath me, I'd gotten a text.

Hey baby, just thinking about you, you've been on my mind a lot lately. I hope you're doing good, daddy misses you 😘 - August 💘

I read the message and smiled, but didn't grab the phone to respond. I was gonna have to get used to not having him anymore, I might as well start now, cause I'd already made my decision.