Time For A Change

Chapter Six - Her Shattered Heart

The sun shone through my curtains leaving my room in a dark black tint, as I opened my eyes the early morning light pierced my eyes almost blinding me - I really did hate mornings. 

Ollie. Ollie instantly came into my head; his lips touching mine instantly ran all over my mind. Man, he was so hot. But why did Jacob not like him? Have they had a fight or something? I shivered at the thought of Jacob getting hurt. Note to self - Ask Jacob why he doesn’t like him. 

Jacob. Jacob followed, my best friend - the guy I’d slept with just a few days ago. Why was I constantly thinking about Jake and the night we had together. Why can’t I just push away the thoughts like I keep telling myself to? Because you love him, a voice spoke in my head and I laughed a forced horrible laugh. I didn’t love him, well I did but more like a brother or a pet fish, but I wasn’t in love with him, was I?

Groaning and ignoring the thoughts that kept lingering into my head once more, I sighed - why couldn’t I just have a normal teenage relationship with a normal teenage boy? As I stripped out of my clothes and headed towards the shower I thought about lunchtime yesterday - lunchtime with Ollie. I didn’t know why but I loved the way I could just be myself around him, the way he didn’t freak out when I did drugs like Jake would have; he always freaked out even though sometimes he’d do them at parties too. I missed the feeling of not caring about the bad in my life and getting totally off your face that nothing else matters. I missed the feeling of getting the giggles and laughing at anything, the feeling of dancing when you’re wired because you can’t possible stay still. I laughed a lot yesterday, just like I used to. 

However, don’t get me wrong I know why Jake doesn’t want me doing them but I’m not going to get bad like I used to. I’m not going to waste all my money like before; I’m not going to get addicted, again. 

I wasn’t even addicted, Jake just thought I was, he thought wrong. Addicted is where you don’t have a choice right? You buy it even if you don’t have the money too; you steal to pay for it. But I have never stolen; I never got in debt or in trouble with anyone -especially not the police- for that matter. Yeah, I wasted money but I have money to waste. It’s not like I’m poor and broke or anything, I have a constant income because of my father, even though people don’t know that because I don’t like showing off buying flashy things and rubbing it in other people’s faces who can’t afford things they need let alone what they want.  

I’m not the type of girl who cares about having money and looking ‘flash’, I’d rather have a normal life where I work to earn money like a normal teenager, who does a paper round or has a Saturday job in a bowling alley or Asda, least it would make me feel that little bit more normal but my life’s not like that and it won’t be for a while. So surely if I have money I don’t need, it’s not wasting money, its gaining something. 

I couldn’t tell Jake though, he’d kill me. Okay, kill me in an understatement; he would ruin my life. Like he said if I ever went back to drugs he’d tell my father if he couldn’t get me to stop again and if my father knew I’d be spending his money on drugs my life would be over. 

Letting the water drip down my body, I Finally got out after washing my body and hair. I felt clean, refreshed and ready for the long day I had ahead of me. I never liked school and I will never like school. It’s not because I’m a nerd or a rebel either for that matter. It’s because in secondary school you’re labeled, you’re judged and if you’re not a Barbie doll look alike or a footballer - you’re a social reject. Even though in not a geek, I’m smart and good at certain things, in a non-big-headed way I know I am, like my mother. I smiled which I knew was a small, sad smile at the thought of her, however just because I’m smart doesn’t mean I follow all the rules.