Time For A Change

Chapter Five - High On His Kisses

Tuesday came around, me and Jake still hadn’t spoke. I’d called him over a hundred times but him being the stubborn guy he is didn’t answer or at least reply. I found out from Dillon he had stayed over Ambers, I’d been up all night crying. Why did it bother me? It never usually bothered me when he stayed over a girl’s house but now it was like he had ripped my heart out my chest and smashed it into a thousand tiny pieces.

Looking in the mirror I sighed. I didn’t look that bad but I could look better - since when did I start caring about how I looked so much? My eyes were red and puffy from crying, I was able to hide the puffiness with my black eye shadow again but the redness just wouldn’t go. My cheeks were lit up with a little blusher and my spots had cleared meaning I didn’t need to cover my face in foundation. I was wearing a black top which hung over my right shoulder leaving my left shoulder bare with the words ‘music is life’ on it which again showed a little of my belly. I choose to wear demin shorts today as it was sunny and hot outside and I didn’t want to get up sweating with patterned tights and my black vans. 

After brushing my eyes over my slightly creased time table, I took out everything I needed for today’s lessons and put it all into my bag before I started making my way downstairs to walk as I was pretty sure Jake wasn’t coming to collect me. Walking into the kitchen I felt my eyes prick up with tears, I froze.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered as I couldn’t talk, my words just wouldn’t come out my mouth.

“You need a ride to school remember?” he smiled a small sad smile as I saw a single tear roll down his cheek but he quickly brushed it away hoping I hadn’t realized - I pretended I hadn’t when really it killed me inside. 

“I was going to walk” I sat next to him, keeping my distance. I knew it would have ruined everything. Why on earth did I sleep with my best friend? 

“Lily about yesterday” I was in tears now, they were streaming down my face and my hands broke their fall, they were sainted black and dark - like my life.

“Yes?” my voice came out as a quiet whimper and suddenly I felt his big bold arms wrap around my small fragile body as I rested my head to cry on his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, I never meant for it to get that bad. I shouldn’t have been so selfish and cruel” I heard a soft sobbing in my ear but I didn’t say I word I just took in the feel of his arms wrapped around me making me feel safe and complete once more. “I was jealous” I gulped at the word. Why was he jealous? “because I lik-” he stopped mid sentence I wanted to scream at him. What was he going to say? Because he likes me? He was going to say it I know he was! Say it Jake please just say it! “because if you got a boyfriend, I might not see you as much” I could tell by the sound of his voice he had to force them words out. What was he hiding from me? If he did like me why was he hiding it? 

“I have to go sort my make up out” with that I stood up and made my way back into my bedroom stopping at the door frame.

“I’ll wait for you” I turned, nodded then headed back towards the direction of my bedroom.

Slamming the door I threw myself onto my bed, tears streaming from my eyes creating two pools of black on my cheeks. He didn’t like me did he? I was just another shag. I couldn’t let it ruin us though - I needed him to survive. 

After the tears had stopped flowing from my crystal blue eyes I sorted out my make up and plodded back downstairs. 

***

As Jake stopped the car engine we were already surrounded by the football team, Amber and her minions and what felt like half of the year eleven girls.