The Ravens toy

chapter 14: three weeks later

So the funeral is today. I have to speak......... i'm not ready for this. I've spent the past three weeks crying and dying more each day, because everyday that goes by and shes not there, not at school, not here... The truth just sinks deeper and deeper. You see thats the funny thing every one lies because they know the truth hurts, but its the same for honest people, lies hurt. No matter how many times I try and tell myself it didnt happen, she isnt gone, she isnt... dead.... its always going to end up with a smack in the face, almost like i believe myself for a moment annnnnd then boom memories. Every time..... I close my eyes i see her, her cold dead eyes. I miss her. She did NOT disserve this. I should be the one dead. I mean she has a family so many friends and shes just amazing. I dont. I'm not. She had this way about her, she made everyone smile just being in the room, its kind of like she had a happy vibe and whenever you were near you got it too. She was beautiful absolutely beautiful....
now that your caught up let me just go back to thinking to myself, haha.............

You need shoes nichole, nice ones. Its you best friends funeral were talking about. No she'd want you to show up in sweats a tee, messy bun and slides. Okay finee. I'll wear what she'd want me to wear. I get dressed and then pace the room. Jake is in the doorway.
"Knock knock," I turn and smile.
"Hey come in," He smiles and comes in.
"Hey Nik i just wanted to see how you was doing," I sigh.
"Sad....." he frowns and nods.
"I understand.." He holds his arms out. I walk into them and he  wraps me up in a nice warm hug. He smells like melons and roses. Hes strong and firm but comfy to hug. He lays his cheek on top of my head and holds me.
"Nikki, this might sound bad but im glad it wasnt you....," I shake my head.
"It's not bad, although i wish it was me," he pulls me closer.
"Stop........" I can here the pain in his voice. I hug him tighter.

*Few hours later. aka funeral*
I'm standing in the corner of the room. Trying. Trying so hard not to cry. I cant even look at her body.... I hugged and took care of mrs lockhart. But i just cant. Someones hand touches the small of my back. I jump and turn and see its raven. I keep calm and whisper.
"Where have you been stranger?" Im now standing crossarmed watching everyone.
"Well.. Ha what a warm and welcoming 'hey friend i missed you,'" I whisper.
"Hey friend. i missed ya," I say sarcastically.
"Ouch my heart..... that hurts," I smile and see Jake walking towards us. Raven steps a little further away.
"Well brother fancy seeing you here," Raven rolls his eyes.
"I care too you know," He shakes his head.
"No i didnt." I roll my eyes and sneak away. I go hide in the bathoom..... I sit down in the floor going over everything i have to say. In the dark. I curl my knees to my chest and lay my head on them. Although i dont notice the eye watching me through the crack of the door. Somebody pushes the door open and guess who? Yeah you guessed correctly........ Raven. He makes me get up then whispers close to my face.
"Go pay your respects. Its the last chance you'll ever get to see her again. they're going to close the casket soon. go" I nod and then start to make my way out.
"Oh and Nik..... i'm sorry.... goodluck... stay strong" I nod and then burst out and run to the casket. I get there and whisper.
"Carly I'm so sorry..... i love you.... so much your my best friend..." When i look down i see her face. Dead face. Pale face blue lips. Shes still as gorgeous. Shes in a colorful dress, matches her personality. Mrs lockhart comes behind me and places her hand on me shoulder. Im tearing up and when I see the look on her face... I hug her and we both cry. Standing there embracing each other, letting the other know we understand, that it hurts the other just as much.

I dont know how long it was until we went and found seats. Well I not we. But the funeral has begun. People have been talking  and its about my turn. I havent been listening to a word theyve been saying......
"Now Nichole Preston is going to come share," I snap to attention then get up and walk to the stage. I can feel all eyes on me. My outfit mostly. Before i get behind the podium I show them the outfit and explain.
"She would have wanted me to wear this. We planned that we would if.... yeah," A lot of them nod. I go stand behind the podium.
"Hi im.. Nichole preston most call me nik or nikki, It doesnt matter haha, um well let me tell you about her. She was tough, strong brave, beautiful. She was special. Not hard to love, Hard to hate. Clary... she was my best friend.  You all probably have heard about my mother. Yeah well she was murdered, then I found out my dad was dead, and right when I thought it couldnt get any worse....... here i am. I would do anything to go back to that day and fix this. It should have been me. She had so much... A beautiful and amazing mother. A careful and gentle dad, a million friends, all the clothes in the world, and me. Out of all million of her friends she picked me. Me to be her best friend. I will never have such an amazing best friend in my life, never. Every day I wake up and wait for her to come pick me up. But she never shows. And I guess thats what hurts the most. She isnt here anymore, Shes gone from our midst like she was barely ever there. But she was no doubt. Some of the things she liked to do was defiantly spend money, even if it wasnt hers. Watch horror movies till 8 in the morning, she liked dissecting her food. she'd eat the inside of anything with a shell on it first then her the shell like a hot pocket, carmel filled chocolate, chicken pot pie etc... She loved trying to set me up on a date......... I did not love that. She loved her phone. I broke it when I drug her out of the car i picked it up tried to call 911 but it was dead so i threw it. Mine was too. Those last moments i spent with her... In my arms bloody broken dead.... but somehow still in my arms......... ill never let go of them. She called herself my angel. Telling me shes always here even if something happened. And I dont think she was wrong. shes just watching over me from a different view. She was my best friend and big sister and she cant be forgotten..." I look down at her tears threatening the break through.
"I love you Clary lockheart, friends and peas forever, Never forget me up there. Ill never forget you." With that i say thank you and run off stage and to the back and sit down with tears running down my face. They close the casket and then I break and cry.. Shes gone... Gone.... They carry her to the car and I get up and drive to the burial. Im the first one there. I watch them as they lower her into her hole....... When they have her in I walk over drop in the letters I wrote her on bad days, the keychain that is hers that i have a match and a ring. Our promise ring. to stay friends forever. I Look down tears fall In and then I grab a handful of dirt and throw it in and whisper.
"Goodbye.........."