golden boy ✩ mashton ☑️

Chapter 18: Dangerous Territory

[a/n okay, so I just wanna say thank you to everyone who showed concern for me last chapter when I said some pretty dark things. It made me truly happy knowing that you guys aren't just here for the book, but for me as well. Ya'll are the ones who give me the courage and inspiration to continue writing when I feel like giving up and I know it probably doesn't seem like it because I'm not saying it personally, but I really fucking appreciate it. ]

Calum knew it was dangerous territory. However, that didn't stop him from thinking about Ashton more and more. Ever since their little chat a few weeks ago, Calum couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted the boy to be a part of his life. And of course he knew that he was in a relationship with Michael, but did that stop him from thinking these things? No it did not.

His feelings for Ashton were increasing and he didn't know what to do about it. He knew he probably shouldn't do anything, however if there was some part of Ashton that didn't feel the same way then why would he care so much that Calum was smoking? He was certain that Ashton felt the same way and was just trying to conceal his feelings for Michael's sake.

"Calum?" His therapist suddenly brought him back to reality.

"Oh, shit... I—I mean, what?" Calum blabbered out, earning a confused expression from the lady. Calum took a deep breath and realised that no one could hear his thoughts

"What happened there? You just zoned out for about 5 minutes." She questioned, uncrossing her legs and moving forward in her seat, looking at him expectantly.

"I don't know," Calum groaned, placing his head in his hands. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Such as?" She asked, the raven-haired boy sighing.

"You know that boy I was telling you about? The one who tried to... You know...?"

"Yes, I remember. Do you think you might have feelings for him?"

Calum's eyes widened. "Was it really that obvious? I should've been more discrete."

She chucked lightly, "Honey, you were too discrete. That's how I knew."

"Man, you are good." Calum praised. Although it had only been a few weeks, he felt really comfortable around her and he knew that he could tell her anything. Obviously that's what she was there for, but it seemed like a lot more than that.

"I try." She shrugged it off. "So, you like him. Do you think that could be dangerous for you? As in, do you think it could trigger an episode?" Calum leant forward and placed his chin in his hand, thinking about it.

"It's not so much that I'm worried about. It's the fact that he has a boyfriend." As she went to open her mouth, Calum cut her off.

"But the thing is, I don't care if he has a boyfriend. I think he likes me and is just trying to hide his feelings because it's dangerous territory." Calum spoke quickly. "God, I feel fucking awful. Like, I know I'm selfish but I just can't stop thinking about him. Every time I see him I wanna rip off his clothes but at the same time I just wanna kiss and hug him and— oh my god..." Calum stopped rambling, standing from his seat and began pacing.

"Did I actually just say that? Did I just..." Calum whispered to himself and felt his cheeks going red. He groaned loudly and walked over towards the door, smacking his head against it repeatedly.

"I'm a fucking idiot, I'm a fucking idiot." Calum repeated over and over, still banging his head against the door.

"Okay, sit down. You're gonna do some damage." The therapist said, walking over to him and grabbed his arm before leading him back over to his chair and he reluctantly sat back down.