Wake Up, Get Paid, Get Laid, Gatorade

Guns For Hands

So, as some of you guys know, I'm bisexual and I have an extremely religious and homophobic family. Keep in mind that not all Christians are homophobic and some churches even support the LGBT+ community, but the situation I am in isn't like that.

So, imagine this.

You are constantly told growing up that being a certain type of person and loving certain things makes you disgusting and an abomination. That thing is constantly criticized by everyone you know, even though it doesn't effect them in any way shape or form. Then you grow up and realize you're that type of person and become extremely distant from everyone, rarely speaking and never bonding with your parents because if they really knew you they'd hate you.

That's what I'm dealing with right now.

I know that this is a somewhat common problem, but you don't understand how serious this is.

I have been told every day of my life that a part of me that I can't change is disgusting, wrong, and will get me sent to hell.

I hate myself every day and even when I'm not around homophobes I still feel guilty about something I can't do anything about.

I'm dealing with extreme depression and anxiety as well as self harm and it kills me more every single day.

I feel disgusting.

And yeah, sometimes I want to die.

But I don't.

I have music and the clique and my girlfriend and kind strangers to tell me to hang in there and stay alive.

I'm trying my best, I really am, but it's harder than you'd think.

I hurt myself recently after I'd spent a significant amount of time clean, and that isn't okay.

Everything about my current situation isn't okay.

I'm still here though, and I'm gonna try to do that again tomorrow.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who supports me at all, whether it be commenting on one of my fanfics or reminding me every day that I have to keep living.

If you are in a similar situation or you just wanna talk my message board is broken, but my kik is the same as my username.

I love you all, stay alive, and goodbye.

|-/