I want to cut
To tear myself apart
To stop breathing
To end everything
To bleed
To be normal
To know what I am
To be loved
To be okay
To stop worrying
To stop only feel physical pain
I've been clean a week
I can't go any longer
I want to cut
What's stopping me?
Genuine concern from my dearest
Not wanting to hurt my significant other
Getting caught
I need to write with red pen once more
What do I do instead?
I cry
I sob
I pretend to be okay
I make new friends
I make jokes
Yet every time
No matter how much pretending I do
I still ache
I am still slowly killing myself
I am still ruining who I should be
And who I can be
I continue to sob
Letting nothing stop me
When I'm not crying I'm the Berlin Wall, sturdy but can be taken down
When I'm crying not even the strongest dam can stop me
I'm tired
I dug myself into a hole that makes the end impossible
I can't control when I die because of my trenches
I keep living for the living
Because I'm scared I have nothing else to live for
I need to cut
To bleed
To erase my memories
To see what's on the other side
To prove myself wrong
That something out there really does care
That I am not alone on this earth
That my hurt means something
That my years are not shed without worth
That I will get through this
I will stop hurting
And I will one day
Be happy almost all the time again
Here's where I get stuck at night
Where I wonder if waking up will be worth it
Where I wonder if I could just get the blankets just right, would I have to even breathe once more
From nine until ten
That's the hour I spend
Pushing my life around just one more bend
So I don't disappoint
So I don't cut
So I don't bleed
So I don't cry
So I stay who I am
YOU ARE READING
Sorting Poems Of A Pessimistic Optimist
PoetryThese are basically poems that I use to sort out my emotions and such. The poems might be really cheesy and stuff just because the type of emotions I need to sort out most of the time. I will still update the other poem collection but I will post lo...
