Sorting Poems Of A Pessimistic Optimist

Dear Father

Dear Father,

I was sinking

And I was sinking fast

Everything was coming back to me

Every time I was told "I love you"

While being stabbed with disrespect

Carelessness

And lack of compassion

Like I was just a cheap object

The times you yelled at me until the walls against my tears broke

The times you grasped my wrist forcing me to stay

The marks you left that no one noticed

The time I first had to courage to yell "I hate you"

While all I wanted was your love

The love a father should give his daughter

The love I've never felt

You told me you loved me

But then Why did I never feel that

Why did I feel like I was meaningless

Why did you make me want to die

If you loved me

I thought a father is supposed to love and respect his daughter

All this came back to me

After days of joy

I remembered your emotional slap

I don't hate you

I want to love you

But I met a guy who cares

Who doesn't view me as his possession

He can't give me the love that I want from you

No one can

Except you

But I feel like I matter again

I smile a lot now

I still want you to love me though

I still don't understand how I've never felt love from you

I was sinking

And I was sinking fast

But then that guy who cares told me I make him smile

And I bobbed back to the surface

I guess this would be dedicated to my father. I don't really think he deserves a poem but without him I wouldn't have ever felt the pain that let me write this. The other person who this is dedicated to is the guy told my I make him smile (My significant other). I'll be putting an edited version of this on my other collection of poems. Thanks for reading.