Sorting Poems Of A Pessimistic Optimist

Hate

I hate myself

I don't know why

But I do

I hate my body

And all it's shapes

I hate my mind

And how people tell me I'm  smart

But I feel like I know nothing

I hate my personality

I don't understand how anyone could like me

I'm weak

It doesn't take much for me to want to see my red ink on my flesh

I try so hard sometimes

I learn languages

I study sciences that are meant for grades much older than mine

But still I'm here hating myself

Hating the length of the fingers that type

Hating the hippocampus that lets me feel

I hate that I have a best friend

I end up hurting her because I'm horrible

But for some reason she still loves me like I love her

I hate that I have a significant other

Because I don't think I deserve him

I hate compliments because they don't fit with the way I think of myself

People have told my I'm beautiful but when I look in the mirror all I see are my imperfections

People tell me I'm funny and oh they don't even know how funny I am

I look like a confident strong person while I kill myself on the inside

I don't know what to do 

I don't know how to ask for help

I don't know why I hate myself

I just don't think there's reason for me to live

Then I remember him

I remember her

I remember my older brother

And I don't want to hurt them

So I keep going

I put the knife back down

I stand tall

I smile

I even write of the happy memories I have

But it all comes back to this

I hate myself

I'm posting an edited version of this on my other poem collection too.