My Richie Kray

Unshackle yourself... Buttercup

I was now ready to leave for Uni. Of course, I was studying criminology, i was in full time study and soon ready to graduate so everything right now was as stressful as imaginable.
The only thing that would get me through my day was to break away and go sit in the campus lounge with my headphones in listening to music. I mostly was into rap and hiphop, the real old school political stuff, stuff that made you listen, stuff that would open up your eyes to the fucked up society we lived in. The voices of the likes of NWA, Pusha T, Nas, the old Jay Z, X Clan, even Eminem back in his heyday. I just lived for hearing the voice of the underdog.

After a grilling day at uni and two exams confidently over and done with I took a shower and collapsed onto my bed.
Wet hair, wet body... wet eyes. Why the fuck was I crying over Layton yet a-fuckin-gain. You've been finished for 2 years and yet you're still obsessed over him? Get over it!!! Easier thought than actually done. He was my first... but I just didn't play the part of the 'perfect' girlfriend and that turned him completely against me. I was very shut off from getting close to anyone, hell if I had to grow up watching ma and pa constantly at each other's throats and if I couldn't trust my own mum not to hurt me then I wasn't exactly going to be open to allowing someone to have a hold over my emotions.
That didn't mean I wasn't head over heels for the guy, I just kept him at arms length. I mean Jesus we had the craziest sex life, anywhere we could go at it you could guarantee we'd try it, backstreets, back rooms of house parties, secretly in our bedrooms (muffled by a makeshift gag, loved it) toilets of pubs or clubs, or toilets in any kind of public establishment for that matter. We just couldn't get enough of each other, but when it came to him wanting to kick back and chill out with me I'd make up a sure excuse to get out of having to go to his or for him to come to mine. I just wasn't mushy, cuddly girlfriend material, I wanted to do that with him so badly because I wanted to be with him 24/7 but I guess I just couldn't allow myself to get so comfortable with him, I was too deep as it was. And then he went and proved me right, he fucked my best friend to get back at me for... well actually, nothing. And that's why I started to hate him very quickly.
But no matter what, I always found myself super stalking him. On his Twitter, on his Facebook, I'd check his friends facebook, anything just as long as I knew what he was doing, I'd even message his friends pretending to care about what they were up to just so I could see them type his name when they'd tell me who they was with. And then god forbid if he was tagged in a status with girls or replied back to girls with a kiss. I'd then stalk the girls in question to make sure none had photos uploaded with him, and if he was with girls in a photo I'd honestly feel like a knife was shoved through my heart, I still felt that way. Even if he had been in a long term relationship for over a year now.
I hated his girlfriend. Never knew of her but she was with him and to me he was always going to be mine. I was with him from when I'd just turned 15, 3 years on and off. Still to this day he always, always flirted with me if he saw me out, even though we hated each other deep down it was all calm on the surface because, well we was just so fucking attracted to each other. He was gorgeous, in every way possible to me, in my eyes he could never look bad. I could never see myself letting go of him, and I knew for certain he would never fully let go of me. If I was ever out he'd always seem to get friendly with any guy that would of been talking to me beforehand and then I'd realize they would just disappear out of the venue, I knew what his game was, and if I was ever seeing somebody then he'd find a way to sabotage that.
He'd never let me move on, even if we didn't speak for a solid few months, he would always make sure to pop up in my life again and remind me that he wasn't going anywhere. He might have been devoted to his girlfriend who he constantly cheated on, but I had his heart, I was the only one he ever confessed his deepest secrets too, I was the only one who truly knew his mind and his heart.
Did I just hear the doorbell go? Jesus who was knocking the door down and why was nobody answering? Nobodies in the house but you dumb ass!
I ran to the mirror and styled my wet hair so that it wasn't stuck to my head, I grabbed my silk kimono night gown and wrapped it tightly around my body before running to the fucking maniac giving it death on the doorbell! My head!!