Todays lunch is pizza so everyone is in a great mood, except me. I don't really like pizza so I settled for salad, or in this case limp lettuce and dry cucumber. I don't eat it all, its unappetising and the slices of pepper look like worms which makes me shudder. The nurse overlooking lunch says i'll loose points for not eating. I tell her its not my fault the food tastes disgusting, she tells me that will cost me more points which means I will probably have to stay longer. I roll my eyes and push the plate away crossing my arms stubbornly.
After lunch we get our vitals done, one by one in a line like children. Blood pressure, weight and bloods. Im told ive lost weight since I was first admitted, I say im not surprised harsher than intended because im irritable from lack of sleep. That earns me an eye roll, and a swipe across the ear for cheeking the nurse. It doesn't hurt but I blink in shock anyway, she smiles and ushers me out where I joined everyone else in the lounge who are watching mrs doubtfire. Popcorn is handed out, I politely refuse and settle at the back. I know the fact I didn't eat the popcorn is going to be put on my file nothing ever escapes the beady eyed techs that watch us all like hawks.
I sit watching the TV quietly ignoring the voices in my head that sounded like tommy. I put it down to the fact my medication had worn off. Katie is sitting next to me glued to the screen, ive not seen her do anything out of the ordinary but she seems on edge most days. I can hear him in my ear, why hasn't he gone why cant he leave me alone. "Leave me alone" I shouted standing as everyone turned to look at me. Katie grabbed my arm "adam calm down" she said. "Hes there Katie cant you see him, he still wont leave me alone " I shouted hitting out at where tommy was standing in front of me.
He just stood and stared at me, "go away just go away I don't want you in my life!" I cried as 2 techs ran over grabbing my wrists. Tommy stood behind them waving as I pulled my wrists from their grasp and dived at tommy. A strong pair of arms grabbed my waist as I struggled against them, there was a sharp pinch in my arm as I stopped struggling my frustration leaving me in loud gasps of air that shook my whole body. "He wont go, I don't want him here" I said dissolving into tears as the sedatives took affect and my eyes eventually grew heavy.
I sat up panting with sweat dripping down my face, the joys of Seroquel induced nightmares. I ran my hands over my face my fringe stuck to my forehead as I looked at the clock. It was half past 3 only half hour until visiting hour. I dragged myself from my bed and crossed the room to wash my face, I combed my hair and settled on my bed cross legged. I was still drowsy from the sedative as I heard the door unlock, "ahh youre awake" a nurse said smiling.
"I think so" I answered rubbing my eyes, "good although you seem a little out of it what dose are you on?" she asked. I shrugged "I don't know" I said sleepily. "Im going to go and check, i'll get you a coffee I think you will have visitors" she answered. I nodded as she left, she returned a few minutes later and handed me a really strong coffee. A little too strong if you ask me but I drank it anyway, I shuddered at the bitter taste it overwhelming my senses.
I handed her the cup back as she smiled and left, I heard voices in the corridor as I sat on my bed trying hard not to fall asleep. "You have visitors adam" the nurse said as garnet, esther and my parents walked in. "Hey!" garnet said smiling as she debated hugging me, "I don't bite" I said quietly as she rounded the bed and hugged me tightly. Esther hugged me "hey honey" she answered. "You look better than I imagined adam" my mom said stepping forward.
"Do I?" I asked, "you do" she answered. I was waiting for the questions. How are you? How is it here? Do you feel any better? The same ones the doctor asks all the time. "So how are you" my dad asked, and there it was. "Im well ok I guess" I replied. "You look very thin honey, are they not feeding you?" my mom asked. "They are but its not my fault the food is disgusting" I replied. "You seem very out of it you look stoned" garnet said smiling. "Drugs" I said my gaze falling to my chipped nails. "I think im going to go and have a word with your doctor" my mom said.
"Don't" I said but she was gone, my dad went after her to try and stop her as I sighed. "So tell us how is it really here and don't give us any of that its fine bullshit" garnet asked."I hate it here. The food is gross and it scares the hell out of me, all these people in here are crazy I don't even know why im in here can you take me home?" I asked as they stared at me mouths open.
