Niall is back in London, before he knows it. The trip being a blur and he couldn't take any of it in properly, couldn't stop thinking about the boy he left behind. When he had arrived home he dropped his bags in his room and decided to unpack late. The feeling of emptiness, loneliness and unhappiness hit him hard when he stared around his house. It made him come to the realisation that this was how he had been feeling a long time, longer than he had liked to admit.
He doesn't do much in the few days that he is home alone, wallowing in his sorrow and missing Liam more than he thought he could in his life. It's only a few days later that he picks Ellie up from the airport; she is alone having been the only one from the girls to fly to London, everyone else to either New York or Los Angeles. She'd said it was because she wanted to see him too. He had smiled at her as she ran towards him, her luggage rolling behind her. He always felt happy when he saw her smile but now it just made him feel guilty.
She'd jumped into his open arms, laughing as she's caught, and he'd embraces her, pulls her close to him, and breathes. Breathes her in, takes it all in. As much as he loves her, as much as he's tried. She doesn't feel like home, she never has, but he tries to save face. Leans down and kisses her gently, and he sees some people staring. Tries not to let it get to him, tries to do this for her.
"Look what I got you," she says, beaming as she pulls away from him, just slightly, and it really is so like her, to just be so excited that she wouldn't even wait until they'd gotten to the car. She brings out her phone, and looks for something on it. "Here!" she's saying, and showing him a video, of an elephant, large and grey and incredibly adorable, funnily enough. Niall thinks it's almost smiling, based on the way its mouth moves. He can hear her in the clip; can hear her beckoning to the elephant, "Hey, Nyai! Can you please greet Niall for me? Please?" To which the elephant lifts up her trunk, and flaps her ears, and Ellie's laughing and squealing, in both the video and right next to him, pleased and happy. He's quite sure that it just means that it's angry, for some reason, but he smiles all the same. Kisses the top of her head.
"Got you something too," he tells her, before bringing out a plastic from inside his jacket, inside of which is a ziplock bag within another ziplock bag. "Water. It was snow, from the Dolomites, but you said this would do, so-"
She laughs again, and pulls his down for another kiss. It doesn't quite comfort him, as he had hoped.
**
Its two weeks later that Liam comes home, he spends those two weeks in his bedroom with tear streaked face and puffy eyes. He ignores text from everyone and calls in sick for work. He's a heartbroken mess and when he doesn't know what to do anymore, he calls Ruth.
"Hi, love," she says warmly when she picks up, though she sounds distracted.
"Ruth," Liam says, and it sounds more desperate than he meant it to. "Do you have a minute?"
"Always for you, Liam," she says, sounding closer and sharper. "What's up?"
"You remember that guy I was sort of seeing?" Liam starts, trying to feel his way through what he wants to tell her.
"The mysterious one you wouldn't tell me about? Of course I do" she says.
"We, uh—we kind of broke up?" Liam rubs his forehead; this is a conversation he never thought he would be having with his big sister.
"Are you sure you did?" she says gently "You don't sound so sure"
He sighs. "Unfortunately, yes. I'm sure."
"And when was this?"
"Two weeks ago. And he, uh, he left? Without even trying to fight for us and we haven't really spoken since."
"Oh, Liam," she sighs.
Liam feels pressure behind his eyes, like he might cry. "I was waiting for the something extraordinary. He's incredible, and I love him, and I thought his feelings for me were as strong as mine, like you said but I was wrong because instead he left. He left me."
There's a long silence on the other end of the phone. Liam chews two of his nails to the quick in the time it takes Ruth to reply. Finally, she says, "I know I said that's how you know. But sometimes its not as black and white as it seems. Sometimes it's up to you to be the something extraordinary or let go."
Liam sighs deeply, his eyes tearing up. "It doesn't make sense to me roo" he says, voice breaking a little at the end.
"I know it doesn't but maybe you should let go?" She doesn't sound too sure as the words leave her mouth.
"I love him so much roo" Liam says, silent tears running down his cheek.
"I know you do and I'm sorry he hurt you like that Li." Ruth says, feeling her heart clench as she hears the little sniffles her baby brother lets out. She never wants to see Liam go through this again, he deserves so much better.
"I don't know how to let him go" Liam admits. His always struggled to let Niall go even though he knew that he deserved better, he just could never let him go completely.
"It may seem impossible at the moment, letting go and moving on from him. He's the only person who makes your heart do that thing... The thing where it beats fast and slow at the same time and makes it hard for you to catch a breath because you're so mesmerised by the colour of his eyes. Yeah, I get it. I get that it's hard and the thought of never finding someone with such characterises or chemistry that the two of you had is unbearable to think about. But I promise you, you feel like this because he's all you've ever known, he's your first proper love, you're never going to love someone the way you love him. You never love the same way twice, it just doesn't happen. But Li, you're holding onto something that is broken just because you're afraid of the unknown, afraid of living without him. Let him go Li, he only hurts you"
"I understand what you're staying but I can't let go of him roo"
"Fine, test him then" She says"See if he needs you. Go days without talking to him. Hell, go months if you dare. See if it affects him"
"I'm scared roo, what if-"Liam doesn't get a chance to continue because Ruth is cutting him off.
"Then there's your answer. If he doesn't love you, I'm telling you to walk away. "Liam goes to say something but Ruth doesn't let him "I know, Liam, I know. I know he makes you feel things you've never felt before. I know he has a way with words that makes your stomach touch your throat. I know his touch causes a fire to burn within you that you can't bear the thought of putting out. I have felt that too."
"Liam, if he doesn't love you, you need to let him go. There is no changing his mind, and it's going to hurt like hell when the only time he loves you is under his bed sheets. You're going to feel the tears burn your cheeks when you see him someone else over you, even after everything you've sacrificed for him. You're going to feel used and broken when he posts photos with another person, while leaving a cute caption that makes his words feel like daggers. If he can't commit to you, it has nothing to do with you. I know, you've risked your throat for him. I know you've done everything you could possibly think of to please him. You can't make him love you. He doesn't appreciate you. I am telling you, you will find someone one day that will treat you like you deserve, and that's something he isn't capable of. "She pauses for a moment "So Li, if you're still clinging to a man that only shows his affections when nobody is around, it's time to move on. It's time to find peace within yourself, to stop relying on a ghost. It's time to teach him to appreciate the good that he's got, because months from now when he's all alone and no one really gives a damn about him, he'll mourn the grief he caused you. And by that time, you'll finally be happy and at peace with yourself, having learned from his mistake."
You are worth more than he's made you feel
I don't like this chapter because the ending is so shit but it's been a while since an update. sorry for any grammar errors.
