Chapter 23: Goodbye

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Niall spends the rest of his days holed up in his room. Locks himself in and doesn't come out, though the snow's been much better and it looks like it was finally clear enough to be safe for some skiing. He doesn't want to run the risk of seeing Liam, and evidently, he thinks similarly. Aside from the time he had ordered room service, Niall doesn't get a knock on his door, and he's not quite sure if he really prefers it that way.

"Hi, love," he smiles as soon as she accepts the call. Feels like his chest is being crushed, as she smiles back. It's bright, where she's locked herself in to take his call. Bright from a light, and Niall deduces it's a bathroom, can hear the loud, loud noises of a party raging on beyond the doors. "Meant to check in earlier. How are you?"

"Hi baby ,I've been doing good" she grins, and he feels exponentially more awful. "You doing okay? I checked a few weather reports, they said the storm should be almost cleared out by now. "

"Oh, yeah, yeah, it has. Just a gentle flurry, now."

"So you've been to the slopes? " she asks him.

"Oh, yeah, have been," he lies, knows if he tells the truth that he's been brooding in his room, he'll have to explain why, and he'd rather lie about this than that. "Almost fell. Never again."

She laughs, and Niall doesn't know how to feel about her, anymore. Feels the guilt, the weight of what he'd done, can almost feel her disappointment and her sadness, her betrayal. Feels all the love, for her. But most of all, he feels resignation. The strangest, strangest feeling, and he can't explain why.

"Why are you still awake?" he shakes himself off, tries to smile. "It's like, maybe half past four there?"

"Oh, you're keeping up with my timezone? " she says, "Yeah, it is. Went to a party. They can get pretty wild over here in Bali. Always thought it would so peaceful and quiet, didn't realize they could get like this, too. What time is it there? "

"Ten thirty," he tells her, and her face softens considerably. "I've invited the entire hotel staff to my room, ordered too much champagne. Going to have my first Italian orgy, it's going to be great."

She laughs again, louder and uninhibited. "Tell me how that goes. Always had a thing for Europeans. "

"As is proper," Niall says, smiling, and he says, much softer. "You should go get some sleep. Always did fuck up your sleeping pattern, when you stay up too late. You'll be waking up at three in the afternoon, tomorrow."

"Yeah, alright, " she concedes, sighing as their call comes to an end. "I'll be seeing you. "

"I'll be seeing you," he echoes. Like routine, same goodbye for the last four years. "So excited to give you your ball of snow."

"A ziplock of water, by the time it gets to me, " she says, smirking. "I love you. "

"I love you," he says, and she waves before she disconnects, leaving Niall alone with his thoughts. It becomes too much, in the span of a few seconds, until there's a knock on his door. Knows who it is immediately.

He debates over opening the door, or staying put, ignoring the knock and trying to keep the rest of this trip free of any drama.

He knocks again, softer, but still the same pattern. And Niall decides, isn't so cruel to deny him. Never as, and he doesn't intend to start now.

He walks over to the door, breathes deeply, and opens it, "Good evening, Liam."

"Hi, Niall," he replies quietly. He's cleaned himself up, hair in a quiff and he's wearing a cream turtleneck and tight black jeans, and when Niall looks closer, he sees the shimmery floral pattern on the sweater. Faint, only seen in certain angles when the light hits it just right, and it honestly is something he himself would wear. Liam going subtle, not really a thing that happens often.

"Would you like to come in?" he asks, and Liam nods quietly, walks in awkwardly and Niall closes the door after him. The atmosphere is strange, odd and uncomfortable Niall's not accustomed to, not with Liam. He doesn't know what to say, how to act, how to react around him. Turns out he doesn't know many things.

"How much did you hear, then?" he asks, knows for sure Liam had heard.

"Everything," he replies softly. "I've been outside for maybe a little less than an hour. Trying to draw up some nerve."

It's quiet again, and he's starting to regret that he'd opened the door, a little. Isn't used to this kind of interaction, especially not with the person in front of him. But he doesn't want to leave before clearing the air between them. Even if it's difficult.

"I'm sorry," is what breaks the silence, coming out of Liam's mouth. Niall looks up, finds Liam already looking at him. "For lying."

Niall stares at him, a little surprised. Feels his chest go tight, his eyes sting with the promise of tears. "You have nothing to be sorry for Li, I've been really horrible to you, these last few years," he says, "much longer than I thought. I'm sorry for being so insensitive."

Liam tells himself to calm down, tries to get his head in order, and says in as tender a tone he can manage, "I'm sorry too. For being insensitive to you and for not being perceptive enough. For not realizing you were getting hurt, too."

There's a pause again, and he feels the tension begin to dissipate, slowly.

"It's too late, isn't it?" Liam asks, and the sadness in his voice is so evident. Cracks and it sounds watery, tearful.

Niall doesn't know what to say, again. So he tells him, "I don't know what to tell you, Liam. I'm sorry."

"As am I," he says, and he's still crying. Wiping his face with the back of his hands, sniffing and whimpering.

He comes forward, and because he could never stand the sight of a tearful Liam, he hands him a handkerchief, wipes at his cheeks when Liam doesn't take it.

"Don't cry baby" he murmurs, tries to comfort him. Holds him close and tries to calm him down.

Liam sobs anyway, clutches on to him tightly, and Niall can feel the hold on his heart. Like he'll always be latched on to this boy, in one way or another, and he holds his own tears back. Feels stupidly in love, at that moment, feels himself fall completely, all over again, and he's tired of fighting. Tired of feeling conflicted. Liam didn't have a right to do any of this to him but he didn't have any right to it, either. It's his fault anyway for starting this in the first place, So he steels himself and prepares himself for the final blow.

"I promised you until the end" Niall tells him, presses on his back with his knuckles. Let's him know he's still here. He'll be here until he can't be anymore. "I don't intend to break that promise."

Liam holds on tighter. Doesn't let go. "Nialler."

"Yours until the moment I leave. I promise," he murmurs. Liam pulls away, doesn't look at him.

"Everyone's going to get hurt," he says, and he's completely right. "You don't need to do this for me anymore, Niall-"

"I know I don't," he says. "That's why I'm doing this for me. I'm keeping my promise because I want to."

"Niall."

"I think we owe it to ourselves to end this properly, right?" he says. "Then let's do just that. let me stay one more night"

Liam whimpers, and Niall can see him crying silently, tears falling from his eyes and he pulls him close again. It already feels too much like a goodbye.

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