Not an April fools joke I actually updated
Niall trailed his fingers down the bristly skin of Liam's cheek and brushed his knuckles along the hard line of his jaw, as he did every night Liam slept beside him. He knew Liam woke before dawn so he could do the same to him, could trace the lines of his face. So Niall had figured out long ago that he'd just have to wake up even earlier to do the same before drifting back off to sleep, Liam none the wiser. He'd always hated it when Niall stared at him, even though his furious blushes and endearing shyness always made Niall want to do it more. At least this way Niall could stare and touch to his heart's content, bask in the knowledge that Liam was still with him, still his. That Niall was the only one who was allowed to do this.
Liam looked softer when he slept, almost like a child.
Liam was a contradiction. Such a hard man on the surface, forever scowling and grumbling, stubborn as a mule, yet anyone who knew anything about him at all would always say what a good man he was, how kind, how thoughtful, how infinitely patient. Slow to anger – well, except when it came to Niall – and quick to forgive. A complete pushover if you pulled at the right heartstrings but unshakeable in his morality and pride.
And he was the complete opposite of Niall, who looked as though he was the embodiment of all that was good in the world, but whose inner depths belied a propensity towards selfishness, pettiness and more than a hint of maliciousness, particularly if someone crossed him or those he loved. And yet Liam loved him anyway, loved him not only despite Niall's flaws but because of them.
He truly is a wonder of a human being, Niall thought as he rubbed his thumb along the crease of Liam's lips and smoothed across the now-invisible lines between Liam's brows. And so beautiful.
Everyone had always called Niall the beautiful one and Niall had always agreed, but his beauty was superficial and empty. His was the beauty anyone with the right luck could have, the beauty that better belonged on something cold and unmoving, like a statue. Liam's beauty went beyond that; it was deeper, warmer, more dynamic. It was in the way his nose was a little crooked, in the way his eyes were big too, in the way his lips were a little too fine, in the way his hair flatten after a long day. Liam's beauty was in his imperfections, in those things that made him authentically him. Niall was forever grateful he was the only one who could take advantage of it, because far too many people noticed it.
Far too many people's eyes lingered on Liam's sure movements, stood to attention when he spoke with his deep rumble of a voice, flushed the rare times he smiled. Niall resented every smile Liam gave to someone who wasn't him, because seeing Liam smile was like witnessing a bright morning sunrise after a dark, stormy night. Beautiful in the contrast and its sheer rarity. It transformed him from merely attractive to truly stunning.
Niall had made a habit of scoffing at all the people who tripped over their words in the face of that smile, as though he himself wasn't just as susceptible to it. Liam, dense as always about his effect on people, didn't notice it at all, which made him all the more alluring to those around him. Even if they didn't recognise it for what it was, too many people wanted to bask in the light that was Liam Payne, gravitated towards him, wanted him for themselves.
But he's mine, Niall thought as his hand fisted in the sheets between their bodies. Sometimes the extent of his feelings for Liam frightened him, so aware was he of the lengths he would go to protect this man from harm. And yet it's me who causes him the most of it.
Niall knew Liam wasn't okay. He knew he tries to be, but he fails. Niall was terrified of the day Liam would be okay with Niall not being wholly his. Because if the situations were reversed, Niall would never be okay with it. Never.
That was another area he and Liam differed. Liam's love was pure and selfless. He doesn't try to be okay with Niall's marriage because he wants to be for himself, but because he thinks it'll make things easier on Niall.
Niall's love, conversely, was selfish and twisted. He would never be okay with Liam not being wholly his because Liam was his, always would be. Had to be. Not because Niall saw him as a possession, but because Niall had always been the number one person in Liam's life. So Niall wanted to possess every area of Liam's life, so that position was never threatened. He didn't know how to exist any other way. Second best was not enough, not at all acceptable to him.
So he could only be grateful that he meant everything to Liam, that he was the one who had the power to push Liam until his defences crumbled. They never would have gotten anywhere if the roles were reversed, if Niall hadn't been able lured Liam into his bed that first night, knowing Liam wanted to come but wouldn't let himself do so.
He could only be grateful that, as distasteful as the thought of it was, he was the one married. Because as much as he didn't want to be, he was. He showers false affection on Ellie, takes her to bed without thinking too much about it. He does it and still devotes himself to Liam in every other way. He splits himself in two, divide his priorities and Liam accepts it for what it is, as he always has. But Liam would not have been able to do what Niall does, and Niall would not have been able to watch him do it, would never be content with not being Liam's sole and highest priority.
And if that makes him a terrible person, so be it.
In what universe does someone like me deserve you? Niall smiled wryly and closed his eyes to settle back into sleep, comforted by the thought that Liam wasn't aware of just how much he was worth so maybe Niall could keep him forever.
Hiiii it's been a while? Does anyone still read this??? Lol
