Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

12. Declan's Secret Journal.

I wanted to know if I somehow became stronger or if I remained the same as before. I knew that a few things did change in my life, like the fact that I was now talking to Pierre when before I was scared to try to make conversation with him but I wanted to know if something else changed about me.

What happened last night was still on my mind, it was still hurting me and usually it did not take long for me to forget about the pain my parents caused me but I did not feel like I could do it now. I wanted support for once and the only person that could give it to me, I could not even get closed to him. 

So all that remained was my journal. It made me feel better before and maybe it would do its beautiful magic on me once again. I actually got that idea yesterday. After I ended up the phone call with Pierre, I remained sitting on the floor not really knowing what to do with my life. Just when I decided to go take a long bath, my dad came banging on my door.

He shouted at me through the door to come out because he wanted to talk to me. Of course, I told him to go fuck himself in the most polite way possible. He was not so happy to hear that and threatened me saying that if I did not open the door, I was going to regret it but I could not care less about him.

He could not open the door, nobody in the house had a key to my bedroom. I had make sure to steal the key that my parents had with them. I did not want any one of them to get into my room when I needed my privacy. 

Well, my dad continued to shout at the door for me to get it open while I simply went to take my bath. Good thing, I had my own bathroom. For the first ten minutes, I could only hear the shouting of my dad. My mom even joined him at some point, but I acted like if they weren't there and they eventually gave up and went away. It was then that my journal came to me and I decided to search for it.

Sighing, I checked the time on my watch and realized that I still had about thirty-five minutes before school actually started so I could read a few pages of my journal before going. Looking down at it, I slowly touched the cover, it wasn't anything special, just a simple black cover. I opened it as a soft breeze caressed my cheek. I moved my fingers on the first page which was a little bit rough to the touch.

It was then that I began my reading.

19 February 2013

This is so dumb.

Seriously, who invented the idea of writing your pain on paper to get better? I did not know who. I don't see how writing my most deep thoughts on a blank page will help me feel better about my life. It is kind of unrealistic and unlikely to happen but I don't really have any other idea right now so I will just stick to what I'm currently doing.

So here I am, sitting at my desk quietly, ready to write down my dark secrets while my parents are shouting in the background. Theirs voices are actually coming from somewhere else in the house but they are shouting so loud that I think that the whole neighborhood is hearing them. Well, one good thing about it is that for once, they were not shouting at me but at my big brother.

Emile.

A bad ass he likes to call himself. Me I prefer to use the word dick to describe him. He is older than me by three years and because of this, he likes to act like if he is the boss of me. So from what my parents are currently shouting at him, I can conclude that he is going to be a freaking daddy.

Yep, you heard it right, journal, Emile White got a girl pregnant. I mean nothing was sure yet as the potential mother still has some tests to pass to verify it but my parents are still going crazy about it. They are horrified basically and are most likely ready to explode. Emile is their precious son after all. For them, he is perfection.