lost and found || hvc

XII explanations

It felt weird standing there. Like I wasn't actually there, but then again like I was there with every ounce of my being. I definitely didn't feel sad, which probably should have felt wrong considering the circumstances. The emotions I could soon start to register were mainly irritation and slight doses of anger (along with a weird sense of adrenaline), but mostly it was just emptiness. Nothing. Until Wonwoo noticed me.

"Oh shit, Jess, I can explain," he rushed the words out his mouth after he removed his lips from the girl's and saw me standing there. He looked like he always did, so genuine, real. And that made my insides burn, because he almost made my irritation go away with his pleading eyes: how he could make it seem like it wasn't bad at all. How he could defend himself in a situation like that.

I shook my head slowly, and the world around us seemed like it held its breath; I couldn't hear a thing.
"I think I've seen enough," I said, my voice surprising me: it was completely monotonous and cold. At some points in life you do learn to appreciate your surviving mechanism, and seeming like a cold heartless person wasn't the worst one to end up with. I turned around and started walking away. I didn't expect Wonwoo to follow after me, especially after I saw his face before I left: it was completely colorless.

When I walked, my anger didn't go away: it only started to move around. The accusing finger now pointed at me. It dawned on me that I actually didn't even have any real right to get mad at Wonwoo, since we were never officially dating nor exclusive. I also had an odd feeling of enlightment, when all the day's events started to knit together, and my clarity-loving self gained some twisted relief from that. Wonwoo's strange behaviour and Joshua's reaction to my words about the "old friend" now made sense. And boy did I wish they didn't. Not like this.

Soon I found the right bus stop, and after I looked up the next bus and saw that it wasn't going to arrive until another 20 minutes I sat on the bench. It was all a bit too much, I felt mad, humiliated and just plain ol' tired. I put my head in my hands to try and conceal myself from the world in my embarrasment. There were thankfully no people around, and only a couple  cars occasionally passed by. When a few minutes went by, it kind of started to scare me, being there alone and all. It was dark, and I didn't really like being alone and outside on the streets at night. Soon I heard something and lifted my head to see a black car slowly come closer, and alarming bells rang in my ears. Great, a kidnapping would totally make this awesome day even better.
The car stopped near where I was sitting, and I heard the door open. My heart beat quickened, and I was frozen in place.

"Hansol?" I then said, tilting my head in surprise. I wasn't really that surprised, though: it wasn't really like the universe had made us meet each other at my greatest moments before either.
"Yep it's me. I was driving home when I saw someone who I thought looked similar to you slouched up on the bench and I wanted see if it was you and apparently it was," he said and sat next to me.
"Is everything okay?" he then said, when I groaned and rubbed my temples. I was hoping to just go home and sleep it all away, but apparently I needed to see the person who could potentially mess with me even further.
"Yeah, everything's fantabulous," I said, sarcasm heavily laced in my words. "If you count out the fact that I just saw Wonwoo sticking his tongue down another girl's throat when he said he was meeting up with an old friend,  and that I'm now sitting here and it's late and I'm too tired."
He fell quiet at that.
"Oh shit," he mumbled under his breath then. "That ass. Well, it's not like I'm surprised, we were all expecting it, but like this..."
"Um, expecting it?" I then said, disturbing his monologue. "Care to explain?"
Hansol then broke out of his own bubble and looked at me like he was studying my face. To see if he could tell me what he knew.
"Well I'm not sure if you really want to hear it. You probably want to just hate Wonwoo right now," he then said slowly, moving his eyes from mine towards the road. "I don't want to make you feel worse."
"Well it wouldn't really matter at this point if I feel worse or not. Let's just get it over with," I said, gesturing for him to continue.

"Okay, if you wish," he said and looked at me once again, hesitant to go on. "This might sound like I'm defending Wonwoo in a situation where I shouldn't, but he is one of my good friends and I want you to know the whole story before you decide to hate him forever."
I nodded slowly, curious to know what he had to say.
"Well, when he said he was meeting up with an old friend, he wasn't exactly lying. The girl you saw him with was Angie, and she and Wonwoo go way back. They became friends when they were little kids because their parents were friends, and they were pretty tight all throughout elementary and middle school. The thing is, Wonwoo had pretty much always had a crush on Angie, but he was too scared to tell her. Well, after everyone telling them both they should just get a grip and date already, they both told each other how they felt. They started dating then, about two years ago, and everyone thought they'd be together forever. They were really good for each other," Hansol said, and then paused. "But they were cut short by Angie's parents moving abroad for work and taking Angie with them. Wonwoo was quite lost then without her for quite some time. But then a few weeks ago Angie contacted Wonwoo after a very long time, and they met up today. And well, the rest you know."

"Wow," I said after a few seconds. That was all I could say, it was a lot to take in.
"I'm not saying what Wonwoo did was right towards you, but just know he probably never meant to hurt you," Hansol said and moved his hand awkwardly towards me, but then let it fall back down. "Angie was just kind of Wonwoo's The One. And in a way probably still is. He really did like you, though."
"Well, me and Wonwoo were never actually dating, so he technically didn't do anything wrong," I said and sighed. "And after hearing that, I don't know how I can even be mad at him."

After a few minutes of silence, Hansol got up.
"Do you want a ride?" he asked and took his phone out of his pocket. "It's quite late and my car is much more comfortable than the bus."
"It's okay, you probably want to go home quick, and I'd just postpone it," I said although I really wanted to accept his offer. I just didn't want to feel like I'd owe him something.
"Please, just get in," he said and held out his hand. I sighed and took it. "Thank you."

I didn't even want to think about telling Alex or confronting Wonwoo again. I just wanted to sleep it all away. Just sleep.