lost and found || hvc

VIII safe and sound

The rest of the weekend flew by, with the days filled with numerous episodes of Modern Family in pyjamas. Alex was doing it with me, as she knew I was going through a small emotional crisis. I knew she could have been spending that time with Joshua, since they were now all lovey-dovey (I of course participated in the writing of the text messages she sent him and knew all about their relationship), which made me really grateful about how good of a best friend she actually was. We didn't talk about my confused feelings anymore, as I was the type to think about these things more in depth with only my own thoughts as company (sometimes I wonder if I had masochistic qualities, since this was very rough on my poor brain) and Alex had learned that during our many years of friendship.

The thing about me was that I'd always loved order. Not always the physical kind, but more of the mental. I needed my thoughts to be in order and I hated not knowing what I would do in the future, whether it was the next day or the next year. I would always find great comfort in planning my days to the minute in my head to make sure I had time to do everything; I loved clarity. That's why emotions were hard, as they came in like waves: crashed in and wiped everything clean. I didn't like liking people when you weren't sure what you were and were it would go, as that meant I didn't know what would follow and what the next day held within. Usually all the feelings I had were held inside, because I always felt like they were one-sided and I always ended up hurting just by turning myself down in my head. I guess I thought hurting myself wouldn't hurt so bad as it would if it were done by someone else, since I was in control. I guess I needed to learn to let go.

--

"Are you going to eat that?" I asked Wonwoo, as he was holding the last cookie of the box he had brought with him.
"You really like these, huh?" he said and waved the cookie in front of my eyes to tease me.
"They're so delicious," I said while staring at the cookie with deep adoration before taking it from his fingers and placing it in my mouth. Wonwoo pretended to be shocked at first, but then started to laugh.
"Are you hungry?" he asked and wiped the cookie crumbs of my bed before standing up and stretching his back.
"Actually, yeah I am," I said and put my hands on my nearly empty stomach. I was laying on the bed with my feet hanging over the edge and when Wonwoo returned his gaze on me he started laughing and picked up his phone to take a picture.
"You look a bit like a hobo," he said and showed me the photo of me with my limbs hanging loosely all around the bed in his huge hoodie (I was cold once when we were out having dinner with our friends and he leant it to me and I somehow never returned it) and in my old leggings with a hole on the thigh.
"Why are you so mean," I said and threw the empty box of cookies at his face before also starting to laugh. I had decided to follow Alex's advice and just let things follow up in their natural pace, and I had started to spend time with Wonwoo again. It was always like this with Wonwoo, oddly comfortable. Despite the fact that I liked him and his hugs and nonchalant, accidental touches made small sparkles light on my skin, it was still very peaceful to be with him. After the first few awkward, nervous meetings we hit it off so easily; we matched each other well on many levels, and I didn't need to pretend to be anything else than myself with him. It was like we had known each other for a long time, there was nothing to be nervous about anymore. He also seemed to be at ease with me, and it kind of felt like a best friend combined with a crush: something tingling and soothing at the same time.

"Are you a good cook?" Wonwoo asked while I was pouring oil on the pan and turning up the heat.
"Well all of the stuff I've cooked have tasted pretty good so far, so I guess yes?" I said and turned to face him and gave out a nervous laugh.
"What are you going to make?" he asked while looking at the ingredients I had bought the previous day, which were now spread out on the counter of our shared dorm kitchen. It was a Sunday, and many of our dorm members were currently non-visible, which gave me a peaceful setting to cook in, although Wonwoo's presence was a bit startling as I didn't like cooking when people were watching.
"Chicken tomato pasta," I said and threw the chicken I had already cut into smaller pieces on the pan and they started to sizzle comfortingly. "My mom used to make it for me all the time."
"Smells good," he said and I felt him taking my hair and pulling it away from my face to keep it from falling into the food. I realised his intentions and gave him the hair tie I always kept around my wrist and he managed to tie my hair somehow. It felt nice, I liked it when people played with my hair. Wonwoo was being very gentle and I could feel my lips curve into a smile before he removed his hands from my hair and leaned back against the counter. I added the rest of the ingredients to the chicken, cooked some pasta and made Wonwoo fish out some clean plates and glasses.

"Is it good?" I asked Wonwoo while I placed the chicken on top of my pasta. He had already started eating due to my (quite aggressive) suggestions, as I wanted to know if I had succeeded. He mumbled something while nodding his head, so I took that as a yes before I began eating. We were both surprisingly starving, so we ate in silence before a curious Seungkwan appeared from the direction of the boys' rooms.

"Sorry to disturb you love birds, but care to share?" he asked while staring at the food.
"Well you are my boo after all, so sure," I said, very proud of the joke I made with his name (Wonwoo almost choked on his pasta laughing and Seungkwan rolled his eyes but gave in with a chuckle he tried to hold back). "Sit down," I continued and patted the chair next to mine while Wonwoo was still recovering and chuckling to himself. It was true, though: me and Seungkwan were very good friends. He was super sassy and he always made our group outings a lot of fun with his never-ending remarks, and it was never boring to hang out with him. He was also a good listener and was a very handy friend to have around when living in Korea got hard.

"You're a good cook, Jess," he said while stuffing chicken into his mouth. "I wouldn't have thought."
"Just eat the pasta, Boo," I said and pointed my fork at him threateningly. "Thank you, though. This is my speciality."

It were moments like these which made me really glad I had decided to come to Korea. All these new people brought new content into my life and just moments when I wasn't in a hurry and I had great people around me made me feel very content — that's the only way I can describe it. It felt like everything was well, I felt so complete it was hard to breathe. It was that strange kind of happiness that made you a little sad.

/// a.n Heyy! so far so good with this once-a-week updating (although I did write this at night and I might correct it later). this chapter is a fluffy wonwoo-filled (i felt like showing their relationship more in depth so that the following chapters and things will make more sense) kinda filler with a few what-happens-in-jess'-head segments.

a few technical things about my writing:
-from now on, I won't specify what is said in korean and what in english (it is mostly a mixture at this point) unless it's vital to the story!
- i have changed the way i name my chapters, i like it more this way

OH and i thought i would link my soundcloud playlist that i usually listen to while writing this and it has some songs that remind me of this story (some are only there for the purpose of sounding awesome and matching my writing mood). hope you guys like it!! you can also suggest songs, i'll add them if i like them!

https://soundcloud.com/user-659057548/sets/aesthetics-4-my-ears