Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #34

We pull up to the studio where MB is recording the live track for their performance in a couple more days. Keisha ushers us into the small booth and we take a seat on the leather couches pushed up against the wall. Walter and a music engineer are sitting at the control panel, nodding their head as Prod sings and the rest of the boys bob their heads to the beat.

They're recording the vocals of Bang Bang Bang, with a different type of beat to it. I like how artist change up the beats to their songs a little bit when they perform live. I watch Prod as he sings into the mic, passion radiating from each note he hits. It's funny how he went from a squeaky prepubescent crackly voice to this strong smooth flowing voice in a matter of a few years. I hate the fact that MB isn't cut much slack though. Walters right, the BET performance should change everyone's views towards the boys. They've worked too hard for too long not to be appreciated.

Roc licks his lips before starting his verse, "White 2 seater, pulled up on my bumper and she introduced herself said her first name Rita. You know my first thoughts skeeter, the she leaned over in the car, hit a smile and then my thoughts got deeper." as he raps, he locks eyes with Renee and winks in her direction. We all start ooing and she smiles hard, laughing as I poke her. Ray takes over the rap and I mouth the words to Yannie who bounces to the song with me. From his voice the beat switches and goes into the beat for House Party.

"Ayeeeee!" Joya exclaims jumping to her feet and dancing. I join in and before long we all start our own dance party, twerking all over the place like we're at a club. MB smiles as they watch us threw the glass, fist pumping and signing along with Prodigy. It's a good thing the booth is sound proof cuz I wouldn't want Prod hearing me sound like a dying whale.

The beat fades out and Walter applauds, cutting off the music and turning on the mic that helps the boys hear what he's saying in the other room. "That was crazy! The whole room is gonna be turnt when y'all open the show." He exclaims, excitement clear in his eyes. The boys beam happily at his approval, he checks his watch then leans into the mic again. "Take a 15 minute break then we'll hit the dance studio and go through the routine again. I want y'all to nail it because this is live, this is the BET awards. Mess something up and it will go down in media history. Got it?" Walter asks.

"Yeah," the boys agree simultaneously and I can almost see them all swallow down their nerves at the thought of messing up at the awards. They take off their headphones and enter our side of the booth as Walter and the music engineer leaves the room.

Ray plops down in Yannie's lap, Roc squeezes between Renee and Joya, Prince sticks to London's side like glue and Prod hovers next to me, nudging me playfully and leaning against the wall. "I heard y'all went shopping today. Whatchu bring me?" Ray asks, looking around at all of us like he's dead serious.

"Um nothing?" Yannie replies, rolling her eyes.

"For real, we made your outfits already, its time to spoil ourselves." Renee adds on, "I wouldn't be surprised if we out did y'all on the red carpet."

Roc scoffs, slinging his arm across the back of the couch. "Out did us? Girl you trippin, there's no way y'all gonna look better than us." He says, flashing a bright and confident smile.

I raise my eyebrow, "You sure? For all you know we could have some clown suit ready for y'all to debut. They'll think y'all escaped from a mental institute or something." Everyone laughs and Roc purses his lips I'm a doubtful way.

"Y'all wouldn't do that to us," Prod says, giving me the side eyes. Ray nods his head in agreement, "Y'all love us too much. Right Yan Yan?" He turns and gives her a crooked smirk. She slaps him in the arm, an evil look clear on her face.

"I told you to stop calling me that crooked toes." She fires backs at him. Roc starts cracking up harder than anyone else in the room.

His face turns red as his vampire teeth peek out. "Yo Rays toes crooked as hell. He throw up the west coast sign 24/7." He chuckles out, we laugh even harder at that and Ray glares at all of us, trying to keep a straight face.

"You shouldn't be talking with you booty implants." Ray fires back. Roc stops laughing, his face going entirely straight as he stares hard at Ray. We all laugh and Roc turns his head to look at Renee, "Whatchu you laughing about? Mad cuz I got more of an ass than you?"

"Dayummmmm!" Joya says, making us crack up all over again. Renee gives Roc the stink eye and he gives it right back. I swear they act more like brother and sister than anything else. Roc laughs, "I'm just playing boo." He wraps his arms around her and pulls her into his chest. She rolls her eyes and chuckles as he nuzzles his head into her neck.

"So what's for lunch?" London asks out of the blue, the humor of the moment dying slowly as we all exchange curious looks about what we're eating today.

"No fast food today, we gotta stay on our little health kick until the awards pass." Prince says to her.

"Keisha probably brought us some food though. We can go check in the fridge in the lounge." Ray says. All at once, everyone gets up and rushes towards the door, eager to find some food. I'm about to follow behind when Prod grabs my arm, holding me back. I turn to look at him and he holds up a finger, "Stay back awhile. I wanna show you something."

"Ok," I respond, even though my heart is racing. It's not from the fact that Prod wants me to stay back in the studio with him. It's not from the way his hand is grubbing my arm gently either. It's because Prince was the last one out the door and when Prod stopped me, he froze in his tracks to look over his shoulder at me. Our eyes locked for a moment and he looked like he wanted to say something but London pulled on her shirt, snapping him out of his daze.

We haven't talked since our last conversation on the tour bus. Since then I've avoided any type of contact with him at all times. I mean of course I have to help him get ready for the shows but other than that I don't interact with him. It's not just because London made it clear that she wants me to stay away from him, but it's also because I don't know if I can deal with getting close to him again. I honestly don't trust myself when it comes to Prince.

I've been chasing him for so long that it will probably take nothing for me to fall hard for him again. I still have a few flames left over for Princeton but they're slowly dying out because of Prod. He's been a great friend towards me and he's helped me forget about how Prince so brutally shot me down. I'm no longer trying to be the girl Princeton wants. I'm just gonna be me. The same quirky girl who came here all excited to meet her all time favorite boy band ever. I'm going to enjoy these last few weeks here, even if it kills me.

"What's up?" I ask Prod once the door to the studio closes. He smiles and motions for me to follow him into the second room where the mics and headphones are. He closes the door and sits on one of the stools, motioning for me to do the same.

"I was listening to this song the other day and I thought you might like to hear it. It's by Chris Brown." He says to me. I nod my head and settle into the hard stool. Prod hooks his phone up to the cord connected to the speakers and presses play. He hands me headphones to put on, I place them over my ears and a soft beat begins to play. Prod pulls the mic close to his lips and I realize he's about to sing to me.

"Imagine if the pillow that you cried on was my chest, that the tissues that you wiped your face on was my hand. Girl imagine if you needed advice about some other guy, I'm the one that comes to mind. Not tryna hear you tell nobody that I'm just a friend. Just tryna be that body that you call your man." He sings smoothly. Prod closes his eyes as he sings and a chill runs up my spine. This song means so much more to him than he's letting on. The message behind it... It's clear as day what he wants.

Me.

His smooth voice courses over the song, "The last number you call late at night. The first one that you dial when you open your eyes. Wanna be the one you run to, wanna be the one that ain't gonna hurt you, I wanna be yeah, I wanna be yeah.." The words roll off his time effortlessly, every word hits me hard because its coming straight from his heart and he sings with so much passion that I've never heard before.

The song keeps playing but Prod stops singing, his eyes opening slowly and locking on mine like he's waiting for my reaction. I rack my mind for something to say but I've gone blank, frozen in time as the song continues echoing in my head. Prodigy reaches for me and I find myself melting into his touch, our faces inches apart now. His hand rests on my cheek, luring me into the depths of his chocolate brown eyes. I swear everything around me seems to disappear as we hold each others gaze. I glance down at his lips, perfectly shaped and so close to mine.

What if I pressed my lips against his? Would he panic and push me away, or we he respond and kiss back gently like they do in the movies? What would it be like to kiss Prod. What would it be like to kiss Prince?

Ugh not again, not now! why does Prince keep invading my mind? My heart suddenly stops when Prod leans even closer now and my senses heighten drastically. I can hear every little pin drop, smell the delicious fragrance wafting off him, see him gradually moving closer to my lips. I've never experience this before, it feels like my heart is going to explode. Or is that gas? Oh God what is happening to me. Am I going to fart? Burp in his face? Have an anxiety attack or have a heart attack from my first kiss?

A door bangs open, "Hey!" The sudden voice scares me so much that I jump and push myself backwards, sliding back and making the stool rock backwards before toppling over. I crash onto the ground hard, using my arms to break my fall. This is bad...this is soooo bad. First I'm going to explode now I fall off a stool in front of Prod before I can even kiss him. (At least I didn't fart). Maybe if I lay here long enough a black hole will open up and swallow me. Maybe if I close my eyes I'll wake up in bed and this will all be a dream.

"Kacey are you ok?" Prodigy questions, rushing over to me and resting his hand on my side.

I groan and push myself upwards, forcing a smile. "Aren't you used to this by now? Me falling off stuff is like second nature." I tell him. "I can't help it."

The concerned frown on his lips disappear and he chuckles, "That's what make you Kacey." He says, "Klutzy Kacey, it's cute."

I roll my eyes and take Prods hand as he helps me up. He holds my hand for a moment, the heat between our hands could almost start a fire. Is his stomach flipping and body tingling like mine is right now? Does he feel as awkward as I do about falling off a simple stool?

"Ahem!" Someone clearing their throat echoes from the speakers, ending the moment. We look through the window to see London and Joya staring at us, the microphone gripped in London's hand. "Break is over, you're wanted in the dance studio." She tells Prodigy. When he doesn't make an effort to move, London raises the mic to her mouth again. "Like now!"

Prod sighs and looks back at me, something flickers in his eyes. Agitation? Probably. I swear London doesnt like to see people happy. Prod releases my hand gently and the warmth immediately dissolves. "Lemme go put in this work," he says in a tone that makes me think he'd rather not.

"It will all be worth it when you get that award for best group." I tell him. "Let that be your motivation."

Prod shakes his head slowly and takes off the headphones. "Nah," he walks closer and leans towards my ear, lowering his voice so only I can hear, "my motivation is right in front of me." I stand there speechless as Prod quickly leaves the room and exits the studio without a backwards glance. I stand there a long time, taking in what he just said to me until I feel someone's eyes on me. My gaze shifts to the window where London and Joya are staring at me curiously.

I lower my head to my shoes, a smile spreading across my face. I never knew how strong my feelings for Prod were until now...but what about the lingering flames for Prince?

**
O.O WHOAAAAA HOW BOUT THEM APPLES

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