Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #30

*Filler*

From the time we got back on the buses to the next morning, I slept all my sadness away. I didn't eat dinner, I refused to have movie night with the girls and I ignored everything else going on around me. My body just feels tired like I need a good nights sleep. It's like a slideshow of Princeton admitting that he has no feelings towards me keeps playing in my mind. And London's smug smile haunts me every time I close my eyes. I just can't escape humiliating myself. It's in my blood, its who I am. And sometimes, I really wish I could be someone else. A man killer like London, a bubbly and outgoing person like Jayla. Anyone but clumsy, awkward, weird Kacey.

My phone jolts me out of my depressed thoughts and I pick it up to see its my mom. Sighing, I roll over to face the window and answer her call. "Hello?" I answer as cheerfully as I can.

"Hey baby, how's things been going?" She asks as usual. I bite my tongue and pull the covers up over my head like they'll protect me from the world. I squeeze my eye shut, feeling the tears building up. I want to tell my mom everything but knowing her...she'll just point out the fact that she was right. Princeton isnt everything that I dreamed of, I was wrong about him. I based his character off of all the interviews and ustreams. I never knew him as well as I thought.

I exhale before replying to her, "I'm fine mommy. Everything's been going pretty good."

She scoffs, "Yeah right, you hesistated too long. By now you would have been telling me all the great things you've been up to." I wince, forgetting how well my mother knows me. It's not like I want to lie to her, I just don't want to admit things blew up in my face. "What's really up Kacey?"

"So what's up with you mommy?" I ask, avoiding her question completely.

She sighs, "I've been busy with catering orders as usual. Especially since its the summer and everyone is having outdoor weddings and birthdays." She tells me. I smile, picturing my mom running around cooking and coming up with new recipes to add on her menue. She continues to fill me in on what dad's been doing without me around the house and how Kyle is now at sports camp. "Oh I have some good news for you!"

My hopes perk up at the sound of her enthusiastic voice. "Good, I could sure use some."

"A letter came in the mail today from your orthodontist. You're braces will be removed the Saturday after you come back home." She tells me. I gasp and sit up, nearly slamming my forehead into the bus cieling. My mother laughs, "You forgot about that didnt you?"

"Omigosh yes! This is amazing, now I can eat whatever I want without getting junk stuck in my teeth. Now my mouth can stop randomly hurting and bleeding!" I exclaim, completely over joyed. no more brace face either!

"I knew that would make you happy." Mom tells me, I continue to smile so hard my cheeks start to hurt. I hear a beep and my mother sighs, "I gotta go Kay, one of my co-workers is blowing up my phone. Probably about this huge party we're catering tonight. So I'll call you later and make sure to send me some pictures."

I frown, sad that our conversation has to be cut short. "Alright, love you."

"Love you too baby." She tells me before hanging up. I end the call and place my phone in my lap, staring at the screensaver of me and Jayla in the cafeteria on the last day of school. I smile a little, wondering what she's doing right now and if she's up for a talk session. The time reads 9:30, she's probably still sleeping so I'll call her around 12.

I climb down from my bunk quietly, padding softly to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I go into the buses mini living room and grab a granola bar from the box, tearing open the foil and gobbling it down. I turn on the tv to watch some cartoons, Tom and Jerry is on and I settle into the couch to enjoy it as the bus bumps along the high way.