Mentality

Chapter Sixty Four: Howl

He was at her house. The trip was short lived. Amelie called me. She's moving back home. Everything seems like it's changing.

"Howl, are you okay?" Phil asked, knocking on the door before walking into my bed room. I was lying flat on my bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I was looking at the ceiling. "Amelie's moving back to Ireland. Her and Chris broke up." I let out. I was looking at the just the ceiling. Phil walked over to my bed and knelt next to me.

"That's not it. Is it?" Phil folded his arms on top of my bed and then he placed his head on top of his arms.

"I don't know if I can tell you, Phil." I sighed, rolling onto my side to look at Phil. I pulled my knees close to my chest. My eyes caught a picture of Dan and I when we were little. I shook my head and closed my eyes. "It's not my news to share." My voice wavered a little bit.

"Are you sure you're okay, Howl?"

"I can't tell you, Phil. It's Dan's news." I sighed, looking at Phil. "Dan will... I still can't believe him." I shook my head and sat up in my bed. "Maia's pregnant." I looked at Phil. His face swirled with confusion.

"What does Maia have to do with... Oh." He pouted and then smiled. "That's awesome! Dan's always wanted to be a dad." Phil smiled brightly.

"How are so happy about this?" I looked at him. "He's going to be leaving, Phil. He's going to have a kid with a girl he just met."

"Howl, people grow up. Am I sad Dan might be leaving? Yeah. Yeah, I am. Dan is my best friend. But, he needs his own space and I get that. Just because Dan is becoming a dad doesn't mean I'll be losing him. I am dating his little sister."

"I just feel betrayed and I don't know why." I whispered to myself. "I just never saw Dan doing this." I looked at Phil.

"You probably feel betrayed because Dan is your best friend. He's been with you since you were little. He's becoming a dad."

"I know." I nodded. Phil sat next to me. I laid my head on his shoulder. "I just don't want to lose him. He's going to move to raise this baby. And if he moves I'm just afraid I'll never see him again."

"Howl, you've moved across the world a bunch of times. Dan's missed you all those times you've moved. He was rather happy when you moved back here." Phil grabbed my hand. "If Dan moves, you'll still see him." He ran his thumb on the backside of my hand. I let out a deep sigh before pulling my hood onto my head.

"Dan's having a baby." I whispered. Phil nodded. "Amelie's moved back to Ireland to."

"I'm sure you can go visit her. And I'm sure she'll visit us too!" Phil stated happily. I nodded. I stood up off the bed and put music on.

"Why did you start collecting these?" Phil asked, picking up my first album. The one Kate gave to me.

"Ryan Ross has a hella record collection. Thought they'd be a nice piece of stuff to collect." I stated, filing through my record collection and looking for a certain album. Of course I forgot Phil had it in his hands. But, I was looking for the new one. The one Amelie gave me. I pulled it out of the sleeve and placed it on my record player. Petsounds played in my quiet room.

"Dan's going to be a fucking dad." I scoffed, picking up the picture of Dan and I. Phil looked at me. "I just need to get it through my thick skull that he and Maia aren't breaking up anytime soon." I sat next to Phil. "What if you and I bought a van and traveled around Europe." I stated, looking at him.

"Howl, then you'll be the one leaving Dan. And, that wouldn't be very fair to him." Phil stated softly. I nodded.

"Things are changing." I mumbled. "And that's okay... I feel the same." I smiled at my own joke that wasn't even that funny. Why did I even say that? I don't feel the same. I'm mad. "He loves her." I whispered so quietly that I'm not even sure if Phil heard me.

"I love you. Pj loves Eloise." He remarked.

"I just can't believe this." I sighed. I stood up again, getting sick of the songs my ex-girlfriend and I listened to while we made out, I changed the album.

I pulled out the Pretty. Odd. album and put that on. I really liked this album. It's by far one of my favorites. All of it. Weather Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie were together or not. They loved each other. It makes me sad that Urie won't sing Northern Downpour any more. I witnessed the last time they sang that song.

"I suppose I'll just have to live with him and Maia having a stupid kid together." I sighed, flopping onto the ed next to Phil.

"Maia's a cool person, Howl. You just need to get to know her."

I sighed and then nodded. "I know. I know. I just..." I stopped and shook my head. "I guess I don't know." I stated truthfully.

"Let's order some food."