A Killer's Insight {Edited}

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This whole chapter will be in Jeff's point of view. This how he thinks. I hope you like it and I have one favor to ask all of you. Can you please go to my message board and read my last post, please.

Italicised= sane thoughts
Bold= insane thoughts
Normal font= Jeff talking aloud.

Warning : slight violence
Reader's discretion is advised.
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She slept ever so quietly in my arms. Her hands held me so tight, like if she let go, I would turn to dust. It didn't hurt but damn, she clung onto me tightly.

It was one in the morning and I couldn't sleep, I'm used this kind of thing but, something was nagging me this time. Like I needed something but I didn't know what it was. At least, that's what the voices said. Anyways, that's why I'm still up. I looked down on her moon shone face. By social standards, she was absolutely beautiful;to me, she was just another victim, another toy. She was just someone to mess with as entertainment. But giving her a title as only a toy -play thing - felt so wrong, like a misshapen puzzle piece. I felt she should be given a higher title. Then again, she knows me only as a cold blooded killer. That's how people will always see me. They'll never see me as the person I was. The protective,caring and loving person I used to be. Why should I give her a higher title when I'm known only as a demented fallen humanoid? Someone who is just a killing machine.

(Y/N) started to fidget around in my arms. I don't know why I felt such comfort while she hugged my body. Hell, I don't know when the feeling of comfort ever came back. I haven't had that feeling since "the incident" ( A/N: I can bet that you all know what that is so, therefore,I will not explain.)

It felt as if the sense of security came back to me. That my insanity lowered enough to stabilize itself. I so badly wanted to ask her: What are you doing to me? Why do I feel this way? But, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't show her that I'm even the slightest comfortable with her presence. She was my victim,I will not become hers. She will not turn me into something domesticated and non animalistic.

Now, it's two AM and I'm still thinking,planning out my agenda for next few weeks. I don't know if I should stay or kill the girl and leave. I feel as if I need to stay though and I don't know why. I don't why my mind keeps telling me to keep her alive. No matter how many times I've come close to murdering (Y/N), it's like I have the part of me that wouldn't stab the knife through her chest. Like it's begging me to spare her life. I don't think that I've ever had a feeling so foreign before...

{The Dream}

Flames surrounded me . My skin, eyes, head, burned. Hair on fire. All I could see was orange and red.People were shouting at me, trying to stop my body from flaming up. I spent weeks in a hospital bed. Hurting.Waiting. Dying. Now I stand in the mirror. I'm contemplating on life.

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