"I didn't mean to not tell you, Ni," he says, and he looks up. His eyes are already wet, and Niall is seething . "I promise. But I don't know when you're going to end things with Ellie and kit is there, he wants me. I don't think I can continue to put my life on pause hoping for you to end your marriage because it looks like there's zero fucking chance of that happening"
"So," Niall's murmuring, trying to get his head around it all. "So. You've wanted an end to this all along"
Liam's silence is very telling. "Oh my god, Li-"
"I just," he begins, tries to look for the right words, "I just thought. You and Ellie would end soon but it's been a fucking year and nothing's happened. I'm tired of this cycle, it's going nowhere"
"You promised me tha-"
"What about all the broken promises you've made me, Niall?" Liam asks
"Li-"
"No, no, you don't have any right to talk like that," Liam's telling him, and his knuckles are white. "You don't get to talk like that. Why does everything to revolve around you?"
"Li-"
"No!" he's saying, close to screaming. "No, not after the shit you've put me through, time and time again. That's not fair, it's not fair."
"What?" Niall says, and he's looking a little angry, now. Good. Liam would have preferred that anyway. "What's not fair? "
"It's not fair that I'm the one who continues to get their heart fucked over, everytime"
"And you think I'm not devastated about this?"
"Frankly no" Liam answers honestly "you couldn't give a rats ass about my feelings"
"Li-"
"The end of 2012," he goes straight to it, wants this over and done with. Won't survive if he talks about this for too long. "You went to New York after Christmas. You texted me, told me to come along. Spend New Year's with you. Things with Sophia and me were still new. She went off to Australia and was waiting for me to join her, and still. I'd been thinking of skipping out on that, to go with you. Be with you, even though I was happy with her. Just because I'd been in love with you since we were stupid fucking teens."
Niall looks dumbfounded, is quiet, until he's saying, "But. You did go to Australia."
"I went to New York first," Liam says, works to keep the emotion out of his voice. Niall goes dead silent, and his eyes are shining again. "I went to New York, I followed you there. I'd made my choice. I fucking chose you. But you'd fucked off to Paris with Ellie , because I didn't reply on time, just because I wanted to surprise you. So I went on a last minute trip to Australia, because I'd chosen wrong, and I wasn't going to make that mistake again. She loved me, and I had to make a choice. You made your choice. You chose Ellie"
"I didn't know," Niall says, voice deathly quiet. "Liam, I didn't know."
"If you knew, would that have made a difference?"
"Yes!" he's saying, voice cracking, and he begins to cry. Lets his tears fall, "It would have. It would have made a difference."
"And that's where you're wrong," Liam says, and he doesn't care anymore. "You're always, always , wrong about me. I let Sophia go for you even after you made it so clear that Ellie is always going to be your first choice, not me. I should never have done this, there was no reason for me to d-"
"You're lying," Niall's saying, "I'm not always wrong about you. You know better, you know how much I know you. You and I both know why you agreed to doing this with me."
Liam blinks rapidly, tries to stave off every stupid tear. "I was just lonely-"
"You talk so much shit," he says, glares at him with wet eyes. "Fuck you. You know full well that it wasn't just because you were lonely."
"Yes, it was-"
"Stop it! Don't lie," he's yelling, shaking his head around, his hair flying about as he cries. "I know you love me. I know you do."
"Well, fuck my love for you, then," Liam's saying. Grits his teeth, breathes deeply through his nose. "It's not like you cared, how much I loved you then, when all you Just wanted was to get to Ellie as soon as you could, yeah?"
"I never loved her," he's saying, and Niall scoffs. "I never did-"
"Doesn't matter if you did or didn't. I loved you, and you didn't give any shits about that, did you?"
"Why are you being like this!" Niall's sniffing, crying. "Why are you denying everything? Do I mean that little to you?"
"I have changed everything in my life for you Niall! I ended my relationship with Sophia for you! I choose you over her" Liam's saying, and he can't do this anymore. "Four years later and I still end up choosing you.It's always fucking you! I give up everything for you and you do none of that for me! It has taken me ages, ages, to be okay with the choices I'd made in my life. I know it's my fault, that I said yes to you. It's my fault, for giving in. It's my fault for not seeing the signs, early on. It's my fault, for making the misguided choice to do any of this, just because I love you. But why'd you lead me on? Why'd you take advantage of the fact that I love you?"
"Liam-"
"I'd never felt more used," he says and traitorous tears fall from his eyes. Screws them shut so he doesn't have to see the look on Niall's face. "And you know the worst part of it all? You can sleep soundly without any guilt whilst the guilt eats away at me. I'm not the one who's supposed to feel guilty because I haven't done anything wrong, you started this, not me."
"Li-"
He stands up, says in a straight voice, "I think it'd be best if we stayed in seperate rooms from now on."
"Liam" Niall's murmuring, sounding very much in tears, and Liam cannot be here for that. Turns, and leaves him sitting there.
When he gets to the elevator, he cries. Doesn't know how to feel, when Niall doesn't follow him.
I hope this is okay because I'm tired as fuck, totally sleep deprived because I've been binge watching everything.
Chapter 22: Heartache
Start from the beginning
