Took me a while to figure out how I wanted this chapter to go. So if it's still messy, then please forgive me.
Excuse all mistakes.
Hope you enjoy.
~
Malia
Malia, don't do it. Don't do it. But I need it so bad. I miss it, I miss the pain it gave.
The blade was sitting right in front of me. It was taunting me. For the past few days, I've been having an inner battle within myself of using it or not. I want it against my skin so bad, but I know I shouldn't do it. I promise Kendall I wouldn't do it anymore.... But I need to do it. I needed it more than anything.
I know some people may think I'm stupid for trying to cut myself again but no one will understand what this blade does for me. It makes me feel higher than any drug will ever make me feel. It takes all the pain and my problems away, so I won't have to deal with it anymore. I needed it more than anything. Especially since with all these things happening with Chance. The pain that I'll feel from the blade will bring my mind off all the problems and let me forget about the pain he has brought me.
I picked it up without thinking twice before dragging it across my exposed arm. I moaned out as the feeling of pain took over me. I continued to make different slits on my arm, loving the pain it was giving me. 5 minutes later, a puddle of blood was forming on the floor beneath me and both of arms were full of cuts. As I was beginning to start on my thighs, there was a knock on the door bringing me back to reality.
"Baby girl, I made you some spaghetti for dinner." Kendall said through the door.
I scurried around the bathroom, trying to cover up any of my evidence. I didn't want him to know that I was cutting myself again. He already worries about me enough since that whole thing with Chance, I don't need him to worrying about me any more.
"Baby girl, what you doing in there?"
He continued to knock, as I made sure the cuts on my arms were free of any blood and covered up with the one of Kendall's sweatshirts. I looked in the mirror for the last time, making sure I was looking presentable before opening the bathroom door.
"You good?"
I was hesitant before answering the question with a head nod.
"You sure?"
I nodded my head once again before he grabbed my hand towards the kitchen. In there, Morgan was sitting in her high chair playing in her spaghetti noodles making a mess.
"Stop it Morgan, your making a mess." I said before grabbing some napkins to wipe her hands. Before I could, Kendall grab them out of my hand.
"It's fine. I told her she could eat with her hands." He said.
"Now why would you tell her to do something unsanitary like that?"
He shrugged his shoulders before saying, "She's just 3 years old, they do shit like that. And she told me she wanted to eat with her hands, so I let her."
I slightly rolled my eyes then sat down at the table. Kendall sat a plate in front of me that had spaghetti and garlic bread on it. It smelt so good, and it looked even better. I did a silent prayer before digging in.
