Holding On (COMPLETED)

Chapter fourteen

The beeping of my alarm wakes me again and once again I'm wrapped tight in Cooper's arms. His face is not soft and happy this morning but pinched and tense, I switch off the alarm and smooth the creases on his brow. He sighs and holds me tighter and it makes me smile.
"Coop, I have to get up. Would you like to sleep longer? I can bring you home breakfast" I whisper.
"I like breakfast" he mumbles.
"I know you do, so you want to stay here?" I smooth back his hair and he smiles.
"Okay baby"
Well I'm not waking him anytime soon, I untangle myself and get myself ready in the bathroom. Dressing quickly in my skinny jeans and a plain tee and a ponytail, no makeup and my chucks. I have a few minutes to spare so I try Coop one more time.
"Last chance lover, I'm out the door" I tell him, nothing. "I love you, back soon" I kiss his face and leave him be.
Upstairs Cole is up and watching cartoons.
"Really?" I ask taking his coffee and helping myself.
"Hey morning, please would you like some" he chuckles.
"Ahh, sugar! No thanks" I hand it back grimacing, I'm used to Coop and I drinking it the same way.
"If Coop gets up before I get back, tell him I tried to wake him" I say.
"Time for the shrink?" He screws his face up.
"Yeah" I sigh
"What will you talk about?" He asks curious.
"The psychological effects of kissing my brother" I tease him
"You dreamt of me, didn't you?" He chuckles.
"I did, we were riding ponies in the dessert looking for ice cream" I roll my eyes
"I dare you to tell that to the shrink" he laughs.
"Yeah sure, I'll be back next year. Seriously though I'm not really sure, being tortured I guess"
"You want me to come with you? Should you go alone? What if you.... you know freak out again?" He starts to panic.
"Cole I'm fine, really"
"That's what you told me before we left that night, next minute you are screaming at me to let you die" he closes his eyes and shudders.
"I'm sorry about that, but it wasn't me" I tell him
"Promise me you will call me if you need me, I will come get you"
"I promise. I really have to fly, I'm going to be late" I smile and wave to him and he frowns back.

I have to explain why I rescheduled yesterday and I hope that she believed me when I told her I was working well into the morning and overslept. She is happy with my progress and the fact I have had no recent nightmares, we discuss the fact that the trial starts in a few days and how I feel about going. I tell her it scares me to sit in front of her again but I know what to expect this time and we talk about strategies to overcome any anxiety I could feel. Overall it was not a bad visit and I didn't have to go into any details today.
I stop for pastries, fresh fruit salad and takeaway coffees for all three of us. Surely Coop is awake by now. When I pull in the driveway I notice Cole's car out the front and try not to make a face, it's almost as bad as my old one.
"How did that old thing make it here without dying?" I ask Cole as I walk through the door.
"With happy thoughts" he shrugs.
"It needs more than fairy dust to fix that up" I laugh.
"You okay? How was it?" He asks coming to help with the bags of food.
"To be expected, nothing too hard today. Is Coop up?" I ask
"Not that I've seen"
"I got us breakfast, let me go wake him" I smile and disappear down the stairs.
He is as I left him, curled on his side and hugging my pillow. I think back to his old routine before I messed everything up and remember he usually slept til early afternoon during his work week.
"Coop I'm home, did you miss me?" I kiss his cheek again
"Always" he smiles
"You hungry? I have breakfast upstairs" I run my fingers through his hair and his eyes open.
"Hey, you going out?" He frowns
"No Chuck, I just got home. Psych remember?" I sit down beside him and massage his arm.
"Baby you should have woke me, I wanted to be there for you" he sits up
"I really tried, you were out for the count. It was fine" I shrug.
"Fuck, sorry babe. Really" he reaches out his hand and I take it.
"It's okay, really" I smile.
He shakes his head and pulls me into him and he rolls over top, pinning me beneath him.
"How are you this morning? You were understandably emotional last night" he rubs his nose with mine and I inhale wanting to kiss him.
"I'm doing okay. Cole is his usual smart ass self, only making it slightly awkward for me today"
"He's up too? Did he go with you?"
"No, he offered. He was worried I would have another breakdown" I sigh.
"But you didn't?" He kisses my forehead.
"No, I didn't. Obviously" I smile.
"I'm glad" he kisses my lips and I hold him there.
"Me too, I have breakfast upstairs" I tell him again.
"I thought I heard something like that"
"Well if we take too long Cole will have eaten it all" I push him up and find him some clothes.
"Can I ask something baby? How do you feel about him today after a good nights sleep? Still nothing there?" His voice is small and his face is down.
"Look at me Coop, you promised me you wouldn't worry about this anymore. Nothing has changed on my end that we need to revisit this subject. For the very last time I'm telling you, I do not nor will I ever have any feelings for your brother other than plutonic. I am yours"
"Thank you, baby. I won't ask again" he gives me a small smile and I toss him his clothes.
"Let's eat"